Page 34 of Forever Always

“How do you think he’ll be?”

That was the question of the day, wasn’t it? I’d spent way too much time wondering how I’d react when we finally got that call about Dad. ‘Cause it wasn’t a matter of if, but when. Eventually, Michael Cooks’s luck would run out and he’d be found dead somewhere. I thought I’d feel mostly relieved. Finally, that boulder of a fuckin’ burden we couldn’t push off us would be gone. But I didn’t know. He was still the only Dad I’d ever known. And he was Becks’s biologically. It probably wouldn’t be as easy as it felt.

It was the same for Jay. His relationship with his mom was complicated. When she was sober, she was great, at least from what he’d said. But as he’d gotten older, she was sober less and less, and by the time I was old enough to understand what was happening, sobriety just didn’t exist for her anymore. But she was still his mom.

“I don’t know. He sounded resigned on the phone. He wasn’t cryin’ or nothin’.”

“Did you lose your job?” That question came out of nowhere and it startled me. We were talking about Jay, not that.

“Where did that come from?”

“You haven’t mentioned anything about callin’ out and you usually would’ve been at work by now.”

“I could’ve just forgotten or done it earlier.”

Beckett fixed me with a look that made me squirm.

I wished I could lie to him. I wasn’t sure Becks could handle anymore. I knew he hated himself right now. He put so much blame on himself, it was insane.

“Yes. But before you go on another fuckin’ guilt trip, I have an interview at a fancy restaurant downtown. Turns out, the owner was one of us, from our side of the tracks. The rumor is he has a soft spot for people like us. I think I have a good shot.” As long as I could make it to the interview. It was supposed to be tomorrow, but who knew if I could leave the guys alone. “Please don’t say anything but that’s amazing, Riley. You’ll do great.’”

Becks’s eyes crinkled in amusement, but he couldn’t quite muster a smile. “That’s great, Riley. You know I think you’ll do awesome. You’ll fuckin’ kick ass. They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

“Thank you.”

I smirked down at him. I wanted to kiss him, but I wasn’t sure if it would be welcomed. But Becks surprised me when he cupped the back of my neck and pecked my lips. It wasn’t much, but it was the first time he initiated it, so it meant everything.

He seemed as shocked as I was, but his expression was soft and he lay back down in my lap, so I didn’t think he was freaking out. I’d take it. I’d go as slow as he needed as long as he didn’t leave me.

“Just keep your eyes open, okay? At the interview, I mean. You know those people aren’t always what they seem.” I had forgotten about the interview after the little kiss, but yeah, okay. We could go back to that, I guessed.

I couldn’t even give him shit for being protective. Not after what he’d told me. I could see how serious he was. How much those words meant to him. Why did people keep hurting this beautiful man? Why was the universe trying to destroy my Beckett? Couldn’t they see how pure his soul was? How every wrong just ripped another piece of him away until eventually there wouldn’t be anything left? I needed to find a way to hold all those pieces together.

I ran my free hand through his hair. “I will. I promise.”

He did manage a smile at that, some of the tension drained from his shoulders. “Thank you, butterfly. I-I know I can be a lot. I just can’t lose you.”

“You won’t. And I don’t mind that you’re a lot. Not usually anyway.” That got a soft grunt out of him.

“I love you, Ri. Whatever happens, don’t ever forget that.”

My stomach fluttered which was weird. We said we loved each other all the fuckin’ time. This was no different, but my mind wasn’t as easy to convince. I wished I could ask what he meant, but I was afraid that would cause Beckett to shut down.

“I love you too.” I barely whispered the words, terrified he'd hear too much in my meaning.

His eyes went soft, but he didn’t say anything else. Which was for the best. Jay was more important now. We’d unpack whatever our shit was later.

We finally reached our stop, and all other thoughts were shelved. Jay had texted us a floor and a room number so we knew where to go when we finally arrived.

A nurse stopped us as soon as we got to the floor. “Excuse me, you can’t go back there.”

Beckett walked up to the counter, standing at his full 6’2”, and leaned against it so he was nearly in the woman’s face as his eyes blazed with determination. Some of the worry I’d been feeling for days now unfurled at seeing this side of Beckett. He wasn’t completely lost to me. My Beckett that would burn down the world to protect those he loved was still there.

“Our brother’s mother just died. He told us to come. We’re not leavin’ him here by himself.”

I could see the woman trying to do mental gymnastics to figure out Beck’s statement, but he didn’t elaborate.

“Only family can go back there,” she tried again.

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