Page 33 of Forever Always

“I-I don’t think you’re a kid, Ri. I know you’re a man. An amazing man who can handle fuckin’ anything. I’m so proud of.”

He smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Of fuckin’ course. Raisin’ you right is the thing I’m most proud of in my life. It always will be.”

Riley’s fingers brushed through my hair, my eyes fluttered in pleasure.

“I’m so tired, butterfly.”

“I know, baby. Just rest. I got you.” It was the third time he called me baby, but I liked it too much to question it.

I opened my mouth to talk about us, all the things that were still unsettled from before I saw Mr. Chase. I didn’t want Ri to think for one second I didn’t want him. Even if I was still trying figure out exactly what that meant.

He kissed my nose, and smiled just a little. “Just sleep, Becks. Whatever you wanna say, it can wait. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. It’s you and me forever, remember?”

I threw my leg over Riley, needing even more contact. It didn’t matter how much we were touching. It would never be enough. I was finally just starting to fall back asleep, when the phone rang.

“Ignore it,” I whispered.

“We can’t. It might be Jay.”

I stared in confusion as he found the still ringing phone and picked it up. Oh fuck, last thing I remembered was Jay’s mom was still missing. Did something happen afterward?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered for no fuckin’ reason before hitting accept.

“Hello?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s awake. Jay . . . what happened? Fuck . . . Jay, I’m sorry.” I turned toward Riley and moved closer so I could try and hear what was going on, worry clawing at me. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll be right there. Don’t fuckin’ apologize. Just hang tight. We’re comin’.”

Riley hung up the phone and turned toward me, the devastation so clear on his face, every other thought and worry vanished. “We gotta go to the hospital. Jay’s mom died.”

CHAPTER 13

RILEY

I felt numb. Why did life just keep piling on? What the fuck did any of us ever do to deserve this? I felt dizzy, and every bump this bus hit caused my stomach to twist dangerously. Not that I had much in it. I had found a pack of Pop-Tarts in the back of the cabinet and split that with Becks before we rushed out, but that was all I had eaten all day. We had run out of food yesterday, and I couldn’t bring myself to leave him to buy more. Not that we had any money anyway. I was glad we both had annual passes for the bus, otherwise we’d have been walking to the fuckin’ hospital.

Beckett looked like shit. I didn’t have another way to describe it. He was partially draped over me on the bus seat, his head on my shoulder and he leaned against me. The stuff he’d told me . . . And I knew he didn’t tell me half of it. Mr. Chase . . .

I remembered him, sort of. He was always really nice, made us smile. We’d always get lollipops afterwards too. I hadn’t even realized Beckett still had a way to reach out to him until he’d come back, telling us he’d found us an apartment. Back then, I was too young to even question it. Whenever I needed something, it was Becks who got it for me. It was just fact to me: if there was a problem, Beckett would fix it. I'd never even thought, How the fuck did a 12-year-old find an apartment, even with the help of an adult? Not till it was way too late anyway.

There was just so much pressure on him. He had been a kid too. And then to know the truth of what he’d gone through . . .

He’d suffered all this time alone and didn’t tell me. Did he tell anyone? Did Jay know?

By an unspoken rule, we didn’t talk about anything he’d admitted, but we’d have to eventually. Mr. Chase was still out there and apparently working with kids. I wasn’t sure if Beckett had even made the connection yet, and he wasn’t in the place mentally for me to push. Besides, now we needed to take care of Jay. He was always there for us with all our shit. It was our turn to be there for him.

We stayed quiet for a while and I held his hand tightly. Eventually, he turned his tired eyes toward me and asked what had happened when he was out of it, so I caught him up on everything.

“I can’t believe I wasn’t there for him,” Becks murmured.

My heart clenched and I tightened my grip on his hand. I was probably hurting him, but I felt like if I lessened my hold, he’d slip right through my fingers. He was barely hanging on as it was.

“It’s not your fault. He knows that. You’ll be there for him now.”

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