Needed him to know she trusted him.
“Thank you for saying that,” Miles finally said, his voice gruff with emotion. “Earlier, I told you I was still pissed. And that was the truth. But that anger isn’t directed at you. Not all of it, anyway. It hasn’t been directed fully toward you since that morning I drove you home when I began to realize you were right. About so many things. Especially about what you deserve. I’m still pissed, yes, but mostly I’m pissed about what happened. And I’m pissed at myself for letting it happen. For letting us get to that point where you thought you had no other choice but to walk away. Where you thought nothing between us could be saved.”
Sitting up so she could face him more fully, she laid her hand on his cheek. “Miles, you can’t save everyone. You can’t fix everything.”
“Maybe not, but I can still try.” He covered her hand with his. “I have to try.”
“I know you do. But what if trying isn’t enough?”
“What do you mean?”
“We keep fucking up with each other. What if one day, one of us fucks up so badly there’s no fixing it?”
“I’m not asking for any promises or guarantees. I’m not even asking for forever. All I’m asking for is a chance to see this through. To see where we can go, if anywhere, as the people we’ve become. And if one of us does make a mistake, I’m asking for the chance to discuss it. For us to decide, together, how to move forward.”
She liked how that sounded. Working with him toward a common goal.
Yes, she liked that a lot.
“I’ve never done this before,” she whispered. “Not this way. I’ve always held something back. Have always hid parts of myself. I’m not sure I’ll be good at it.”
He smoothed a piece of damp hair back from her face, then cupped the back of her head. “You’re doing great so far. Teaching me a thing or two, that’s for sure. Things like bravery. Perseverance. Forgiveness.”
Her heart thudded painfully against her chest. “Does that mean you forgive me?”
“I forgive you,” he said, and a few more tears fell, released by the truth she saw so clearly in his eyes. “I forgive you for sneaking out of my bed that morning. I forgive you for accusing me of inappropriate behavior, and for keeping the truth from me about why you were in Mount Laurel.”
Good. That was good.
But she needed more. She needed him to forgive her for what happened ten years ago.
If he didn’t, if he couldn’t, nothing they did would be enough to make this work.
“And the rest?” she asked.
He hesitated. “I told myself I would never forgive you for that.”
She felt her face drain of color, her cheeks going stiff and cold. But when she tried to slide off his lap, he tightened his hold on her head, his other arm capturing her around her waist and keeping her close.
“When you left… it crushed me.”
His words were quiet. Simple.
Raw.
Guilt and regret churned in her stomach, sickening her.
She’d hurt him. She’d known that. But she’d run from him, leaving without a word so she wouldn’t have to face it.
Until now.
More tears fell. Her lower lip trembled. “Miles—”
“It crushed me,” he repeated softly, but not unkindly, more like he was stating one of his truths that was long overdue. “But I didn’t want to admit it. And I sure as hell didn’t want to feel the pain that came with it. It was easier to be furious at you. To blame you fully for everything that went wrong between us. So I told myself I would never forgive you. That I would never put myself in the position to be hurt like that again.”
Cupping her face in both hands, he wiped her tears away with his thumbs, his gaze holding hers, steady and earnest. “But I was wrong. I was wrong not to tell you about my parents. I was wrong and selfish not to tell my family about you. I was wrong to blame you for what happened between us instead of accepting my share of the responsibility. And I was wrong to think I could never forgive you. Because I do. I forgive you. I just hope that maybe, someday, you might forgive me, too. Not just for the mistakes I made ten years ago, but for how I treated you that night at The Cockeyed Chameleon. For the things I’ve said and done since you moved to Mount Laurel.”
“Of course, I forgive you.” She circled her fingers around his wrists. Squeezed gently. “For everything.”