Page 19 of One Kiss Isn't Enough

“Let’s go upstairs,” I’m quick to push the words out and grip his hand tighter, adding my second hand as well and giving him a gentle pull. “We can just lay down and if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine.”

“Just lay down,” he repeats my words with a hint of humor and a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Since when do we just lay down?” he jokes.

It awards him a playful smack to his chest and in return I get a rough chuckle and he squeezes my hand back. There’s a shift, something more natural and more ‘us’ that happens with the small moment.

I cling to it and to him as we climb the stairs. Taking them slowly. Every step he gets closer, to the point that when we’re at my bedroom door, his arm wraps around my waist like it’s supposed to. Leaning back, I fall into him slightly, until the door is opened and I make my way to the bedroom, kicking off my flip flops.

“Hasn’t changed a bit,” Asher comments. He’s right. I’ve had the same off white furniture since high school. The poster of the boy bands I love are still hung up, the stacks of fantasy novels haven’t budged except the top one, my comfort read, and the matching off white desk is still cluttered.

“Mom said they might paint it and if they do she’s going to rearrange somethings for me,” I tell him easily.

“Your parents love you,” Asher slips his hands into his jeans and looks around as if he hasn’t been in this very room a thousand times before.

“Come on,” I urge him. The bed groans as I climb in and crawl to the side pressed against the wall. It’s not a large room, my older sister got the biggest room apart from my parent’s.

“I don’t know that it’s the best idea, Bri,” Asher confesses with a shrug and a spike of fear races through me.

Sitting up, I stare him down. “Just come lay with me,” I request and when he hesitates, shifting his weight, I add, “please. Please just come lay down.”

I nearly add that we don’t have to talk but he asks me, “Do you even want to be with me or do you just feel sorry for me right now?”

Emotions swell in my throat. “How could you think that?”

“Don’t be mad… for all I know you were coming over to formerly break up with me.”

“Firstly, I’m not mad and secondly?—”

“You didn’t answer me Bri.”

Tears prick my eyes as my voice raises. “Answer what? Do I want to be with you?” I’ve never felt regret like I do now. “It’s been hard not seeing you,” my bottom lip wavers and I strengthen my voice, “but all I want every day is to see you. To be with you. To have you more in my life. Of course I love you and I want to be with you.” Every sentence his expression softens. The resistance is all but gone when I’m finished. “Come here,” I pat the bed and take in a deep steadying breath. “Please, just come here and lay down with me because I miss you and I love you and all I want is to make us right again.”

“Can you stop giving me ultimatums?” he asks me and my head feels light and dizzy. “I know I don’t come to see you like I promised I would but I need you to be with me if we’re together. Really be with me and not sending texts at three am that if I don’t do x y or z we’re done.”

“I’m sorry,” both hands raise and all the reasons I’ve been upset with him this last year races to the forefront of my mind but I push them away. Summer break is almost here and then I’ll be home and we can figure those things out. “I won’t,” I promise him. Right now I just need him to be okay and for us to be okay … and then everything will be okay, won’t it?

Asher swallows thickly and that hurt from downstairs comes back. “You sure you still love me?” he asks and for a moment it looks like his eyes glass over but then that emotion vanishes.

“I love you, I’m in love with you and every way you can say it.” I confess and ball up the floral navy comforter in my hand. “You?”

“I might be a little bit in love with you,” he answers with a smirk and a grin spreads across my face as I grab the closest pillow and chuck it at him.

That’s how he told me he loved me for the first time behind the bleachers at gym. I might be a little bit in love with you. The pillow thuds as he catches it and a small genuine laugh is rough and masculine as he smiles back at me. Before I can press him for more of a reassurance he says, “I’ll always love you Bri. Even when you’re mad at me and overthinking everything, I love you.”

ASHER

First I pull the shirt over my shoulders and drop it to the floor, then I pull the covers back. I keep them up so Bri can get it inside me. I know every little movement she’ll make as she slips in. How her shoulders do a shimmy when she nestles down beside me and the contented little sigh that slips from her sweet lips as she rests her head on my shoulder and I lay my arm over the covers and over the curve of her hip when she’s settled.

We’ve done this a hundred times before, and I’d take this every day for the rest of my life if I could. I love the moment when she’s right here and everything is safe and still. There’s not a worry in the world. Just me and her.

“Are you trying to sleep?” she questions and my heavy eyes open as I tile my head to peer down at her. The comfort rustles as she lets the tips of her fingers skim over the rough stubble lining my jaw.

“I’m exhausted but no,” I joke and tighten my grip on her. I worked all morning to finish the jobs that were due to be done by my father last night. “I only slept a few hours last night,” I tell he and leave it at that. My father was screaming at me for taking over his job – I can’t have peace in that house. Not if there’s beer in it and my father’s reddened face and clenched fist. There’s never any peace anymore.

She’s quiet a moment, before she says hesitantly, “Was it because of my text?”

My throat tightens, I don’t even want to think about her texting me that I needed to be a better boyfriend. I can’t. I’m barely hanging on as it is.

“I promise you I’ll do the best I can, Bri. You know that right?”

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