Page 69 of 4-Ever

“Of course.”

Faise ambled back into the living room, finally meeting my gaze.

“Everything okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah. Averell just wanted to check in and see how we were doing.”

Yeah, right. He wanted to check in on Faise. I wanted to say something snarky but I held back.

“I also reached out to my therapist,” Faise continued. “She has time to see us this week. Ciara first, then you and me, individually.”

“I think that’s a great idea.” I reached for my sister with one hand, and Faise with the other. “The sooner, the better.”

CHAPTER 20

FAISE

Ialways knew my addiction would come back to bite me on the ass.

Not the good kind.

Just the thought of those rumors that I’d gone off the rails and hurt my best friend and his sister made my stomach heave. Bad enough they’d been assaulted, but now this? Jesus Christ.

Celebrity life had its upsides, but this part, having your worst moments splashed across entertainment news, this was a shitload to deal with. People could say anything they wanted about you, throw accusations, and insults out like it was nothing.

As much as I avoided socials, I was just like everyone else. I wanted to know what was happening in the world. And I wanted to be a part of it.

But now? Now I wanted to hide, and I wasn’t sure when, or if, I ever wanted to be back out there again.

Of course, Averell had to call. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, him least of all.

I just wanted to forget last night ever happened, so I told Averell I was fine and that was that. My tone was abrupt, and he didn’t push. Which I appreciated. Hooking up with him would’ve been a mistake anyway. A last-ditch attempt to get over Ronin. Which was ridiculous. I was never getting over him.

And now I didn’t need to. Ro wouldn’t change his mind about us after that kiss, would he? Okay, it was more than one kiss.

Just thinking about the two of us in his shower had my blood running so hot I swore I had a fever. I wasn’t ill, but I was feeling out of sorts.

My entire world had shifted, and I didn’t know where to find my footing.

I wasn’t all hearts and flowers and my life is suddenly perfect this morning. The doubts that swirled in my mind were never far from the surface, always teasing me that I wasn’t good enough. Not even for my best friend. And of course, when the doubts surfaced, so too did my desire to get high.

Addiction cravings came in waves and starts, and the wave was cresting high today.

Reaching out to my therapist was necessary. For Ciara, for Ronin, and for me. I had a sore face from last night, but I hardly felt the pain at all. It was the shock of seeing my best friend and his sister being attacked that still reverberating through my body.

If I’d lost Ronin…

I couldn’t imagine that. Or, if I did, it wasn’t good. And it made me question how I would cope. My therapist had suggested to me that being so close to Ronin, for so long, could be a path to co-dependency. But I never saw me and him that way. What was wrong about sharing so much? I’d never questioned if our bond was healthy or not. For the most part, we were thriving. Always me and Ro.

But what if this change wasn’t? What if being lovers brought us down?

I loved Ronin, no question, no doubt. Just like the air I breathed every single day, he was necessary to me.

But what kind of love did he need? He’d always been happy being friends, nothing more. Was he really all in with being my lover now or was he just reacting to the shock of last night? He said he was jealous, but maybe that was just a reaction to me pulling away lately. To the idea of having to share his best friend with anyone else.

So many questions floated around in my mind, buzzing around like white noise.

I was tempted to reach for my emergency anxiety meds, but I didn’t want to start down that road. A road that led nowhere good. I only had a few pills, but still. Numbing myself wouldn’t help matters. I knew myself. I’d just want more. To not worry, to not feel at all.

---