Page 70 of 4-Ever

I couldn’t have that now. I needed to feel everything.

I so wanted to stay here with Ro but part of me was tempted to head home and isolate. To sit at my kit and drum my frustration and insecurities away. The one thing I always understood was music. And when I played, I never had to ask myself the tough questions.

I just… was.

Doing something, anything, to keep busy was always helpful to my state of mind.

Once Zoe and Elias left, I headed for the kitchen and started making breakfast. I wasn’t a great cook by any means, but my mom made sure I learned the basics.

“After we eat, Len can take you home to grab more of your stuff,” Ronin stated as he sat at one of the bar stools around the island, watching me.

I’d cooked in his kitchen so many times, and yet today, I was nervous like I never was. I felt Ronin’s stare on me and not in the usual way.

Opening the cabinets, I reached for a frypan, but it nearly slipped out of my hand.

Then I knocked over my cup of coffee. And I burnt the toast.

“Fuck!” I exclaimed as I tried to focus, but couldn’t.

“If you want to stay here, I mean?—”

“You heard what Zoe said.”

“Yeah, but I only want you to stay if you want to. You can take one of the guest rooms if that’s what you prefer.”

I nodded, avoiding Ro’s eyes. I was raw, needy, and vulnerable. I wanted to believe that he could be mine, in all the ways I wanted, but he hadn’t touched me since we’d left his bedroom and now he was suggesting I stay in another room? I was confused. He was always in my personal space and now he was giving me more of it? What the hell?

But I didn’t have time to reply to his comment because Brodie and Holls had arrived.

They joined us in the kitchen and gave us each hugs. After we’d assured our friends that we were okay, the guys sat down around the island, while I continued to work on breakfast. Such as it was. Burnt toast and scrambled eggs. Ronin had a shit ton of prepared meals in the freezer, but I hated microwaving anything, eggs least of all.

I stood at the stove, stirring and stirring, my mind whirling, until I realized that the toast wasn’t the only thing burning.

“Shit!”

“You okay there, Faise?” Brodie asked.

“Fine, I’m fine.”

I dumped the eggs into the garbage and started over.

“I can’t believe that asshole is claiming you guys attacked him. What the actual hell?” Holls commented. “You better sue that motherfucker.”

“Elias is already working on it.”

“Can we talk about something else?” I asked. “Please. Anything.”

“How about we work on some new songs today. Rock out the stress. Ro?”

“Yeah, I’m all for that,” he replied as he sipped on his coffee. “Let’s check out our new studio. Jesse told me the setup is state of the art.”

“Sure, or we can jam at my place,” Brodie offered. “Wherever you feel most comfortable.”

“I’d like to see the studio,” I added. “Plug and play and forget about the last twenty-four hours.”

Ronin’s cup fell out of his hand, and it crashed onto the counter, coffee spilling everywhere.

“I mean, I want to forget about last night,” I corrected as I handed him paper towels to clean up. I finally met his gaze, while my heart pounded out of control. “Not this morning.”

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