Page 46 of The Right Kind of Wrong

I talked to her like an idiot, expecting an answer, or perhaps not able to process what the hell was going on. It couldn't be possible; I'd just spoken to her only an hour ago. She had been fine, happy.

CPR. CPR. CPR.

“I remember. I need to do CPR,” I reminded myself, pushing my sleeves up and leaning over her frail body. I tried to steady my trembling hands, placing them over her breastbone and began compressions, just like I had learned years ago.

Until I heard a crack.

I whimpered without stopping and closed my eyes, not wanting to see hers so lifeless. CPR saved lives, didn't it? Maybe if I didn't stop until Nathan arrived…maybe if I just kept going she'd start breathing again.

Pushing through my agonizing despair, I continued, even when I was starting to grow tired. Nana had to be okay, she was the only sane one in the family. We couldn't lose her. I wasn't sure how much time went by when I heard Nathan's voice filling the house. Though I wanted to speak, no sound left my throat.

“Anne? Has Evie called you? Han will be here in a minute, we're going out for—oh shit!” He abruptly stopped speaking and I knew he was watching us.

“I can't stop,” I said when I sensed his presence in the room. I didn't bother looking up. “I haven't called 911 yet, can you do that?”

“Shit,” Nathan breathed again. I glanced up, a frown on my face when I saw him still staring down at us. He shook his head, grey eyes full of sadness before kneeling down next to me. “Let me do it,” he murmured.

“If…If…I stop, she dies,” I replied.

Nathan grimaced, taking out his phone as he began to dial. I faintly heard him talking to the operator, his eyes set on me and the body. When he asked how long I'd been doing CPR, I didn't know what to respond. I hadn't paid attention. All I knew was that I wasn't going to stop, not until she started breathing again.

“Where's Han?”

“She should be on her way,” Nathan replied, placing the phone on speaker and then his hands over mine. The warmth of his touch did little to ease the coldness that had settled in my heart, but when he leaned down, pressing a kiss on my forehead, another whimper left my lips. “Let me, okay? It'll be more effective, you're tired already. We need to keep a steady rhythm. Let me help.”

I nodded numbly, moving my hands from under his but remaining on my knees next to him.

“I…I think I broke her ribs,” I stated, wincing at the thought of the horrible sound. “Do you think she'll be mad at me? I didn't mean to.”

The pain that flashed through Nathan's eyes was gone almost as fast as it was there. “I'm sure she won't be mad.”

I nodded, turning towards the sound of sirens that I suddenly heard. I ran over to the door with shaking legs, ready to direct the paramedics to Nana's room. I didn't get the chance to though, as they rushed in following Nathan's voice.

Standing by the doorway I saw how the paramedics spoke to Nathan who despite the circumstances remained calm. They continued CPR but both paramedics looked defeated. They lifted her up, an oxygen mask on her face, which had only grown paler.

I tried to follow behind them, trying to get to Nana as she got wheeled into the back of the ambulance, but Nathan pulled me back, his arm going around my waist. As much as I tried to free myself from his hold, he was stronger.

“She's not dead,” I breathed, my voice breaking at the end. She couldn't be.

I felt my knees buckle as I watched the ambulance begin to drive away, my heart pounding, my head a mess.

A loud scream invaded the room, the sound startling to my ears. It wasn't until Nathan turned me around, cradling my face in his hands that I realized it had come from me. He held me tight, his arms holding me up when I felt like I was about to fall.

Crushing devastation took over every bit of my body, grief so consuming that I didn't feel like myself anymore, because I knew, I knew nothing would be the same. Violent sobs left my throat as Nathan held me close to him, his arms wrapped around me like a cocoon. It had to be a bad dream.

All the moments I'd lived with Nana. All the memories that we would never make raced through my overwhelmed mind. She couldn't be gone, she couldn't have left us alone.

“I know, Evie,” he said softly, his lips pressed at the top of my head. “I know it hurts. It's going to be okay.”

“It's not,” I sobbed.

Knowing that it was true, Nathan didn't say anything. He just held me against his chest while I squeezed my eyes shut to try to block out the sight of her laying there.

“She was fine, Nathan. What happened? What did we miss?” The words came out between heavy crying; I didn't know how he could even understand what I was saying but he did. He understood perfectly what I meant.

I felt his thumb tilting up my chin, his eyes boring into mine with my same grief. “Let's go to the hospital. We’ll know more there,” he said, his thumb wiping away my tears. “You have to be strong. She wouldn't like to see you like this.” Nathan sighed, his hand going down to my neck, holding me in place so that I wouldn't lower my gaze. “It's breaking me to see you like this.”

It was brief, I could barely register it happening but Nathan leaned down, his lips touching mine in the most heart-wrenching kiss I'd ever received.

My brain kept telling me to stop him, that it was wrong…I didn't. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him, letting myself be comforted by his lips and touch.

It was tender and sweet; his hands caressing my face while our lips moved together.

“It's okay,” he tried to comfort, breaking the kiss. “Everything will be okay.”

I nodded even though I didn't believe him. In the distance I heard a car pulling up, the noise letting me know that my sister arrived. Not caring, I leaned further into Nate's embrace. I'd take the comfort because once my sister knew, his duty would be to comfort her.

The world around me was crumbling and I didn't know how to hold myself up.

---