Page 18 of The Dawn of the Cursed Queen

“Has he inquired more about that?” Reggie asked as I passed him, dumping bits of fruit and bread in the trash.

“Only every day, in some way or fashion,” I said, heading back to the balcony.

“And what do you tell him?”

A harsh laugh left me as I knelt. “Oh, I say, yeah, babe. So we had a mark. It only formed when you died, and I threatened the universe to get you back. It was there for a while, then disappeared, and fate and I have no idea what that means. Oh, by the way, did I mention you died?” I glared at Reggie as I stood up, making my way back inside to the trash.

“How did he take it?”

“Reggie.” I shook my head. “I’m lying, just like I am to him. I haven’t told him, and I don’t know how or what my price is for him being back.”

“You need to,” Reggie said again.

“I know,” I said, tossing the pieces of broken plates away. “Reggie, I will. I just don’t know how, and a part of me worries that if I say it out loud, he will disappear. You know, I watch him sleep just to make sure he’s breathing. I feel like I am going insane.”

Reggie watched me make another pass by him, continuing to clean up and carry things to the trash. He waited for me to stop and look at him before saying, “If Nismera learns he is still alive—”

“She won’t,” I interrupted and nodded toward the balcony. I needed air. Reggie followed behind me.

“Nismera will hunt you, and if she gets close to you, she gets close to him.”

My hands splayed across the ledge. “She won’t.”

Reggie sighed as he stood next to me. “How can you be so sure?”

The breeze shifted across the hairs along my hand, causing me to wrap one around my ear. “I’ve been doing this far longer than you have. I’m pretty sure I know how to be the villain.”

“Is that what you wish? Do you want to build a throne out of fear?”

“One, I’m not building a throne. I’m carving a path of blood and destruction to hide him from the world. Second, do you think they follow Nismera because they like her? They listen to her, including Kaden, because they fear her. If anyone made a throne from it, it’s her.”

Reggie ran a hand over his face. “Your methods are not ideal. I am just afraid that with one slight mishap, she will learn he is alive.”

My heart clenched because I knew her first order would be to kill him permanently, and no matter how tough I thought I was, I knew her power was greater than mine.

“I’m afraid, too,” I admitted. “Afraid if she does, I won’t be able to stop her. Samkiel gets worn out even with the smallest use of power right now. He thinks I don’t notice, but I notice everything about him. Nismera has a whole legion at her beck and call. Allies, his two hateful brothers, and I don’t know shit about these realms.”

“To admit fear is a sign of true strength. I hope you are aware of that. By saying it, you take that control back.”

I glanced at Reggie, knowing now that was what he’d wanted. He wanted me to say it out loud, to admit the truth. Maybe he was worried, as Samkiel was, that I’d regress and hide my feelings. But I was not the same woman they had met on Onuna, and I’d never be again.

“I do know one thing more than any,” I said, holding his gaze.

“What’s that?”

“No matter what, I will kill anyone and everything to make sure she doesn’t find him. Even if he hates me or I die in the process.”

His eyes bore into mine, but I meant every single word I said. I was finally comfortable in my own skin, happy with who I was, and no matter what, I wouldn’t let that change. For the first time in centuries, I knew who I was. Samkiel may have died in that tunnel, but the part of me that was conflicted about the darkness living within me died with Gabby. Anything good in me didn’t survive the loss of them.

The balcony grew silent. Wind whistled between us as the clouds rolled in, fog forming at our feet with how high we were above the planet.

“There is one other matter I need you to consider seriously.” Reggie focused on me, his expression as grim as I had ever seen it.

“What now?” I all but rolled my eyes.

“Resurrection is forbidden for a reason. It has not been performed for any reason. Even the strongest, most deadly necromancer can only revive tissue, not the soul. Who knows what it has done to you and him? What if it is not permanent? If he is not permanent?”

“Don’t,” I said, unable to keep the growl from my voice. I wouldn’t even allow myself to think about the possibility of that.

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