Page 17 of The Dawn of the Cursed Queen

“Which part?” I smiled innocently.

“All of it,” Reggie said. “But most importantly, his demise.”

Demise. That word rattled my bones. It made it seem so permanent, but it wasn’t. Samkiel was alive . . . very alive and whole if this morning was any indicator. Yet still, as if death’s cold embrace waited in the corner, I halted. No, we were fine. Everything was fine. Nothing waited in the shadows of my room. I was just experiencing another weird symptom of my grief. Sucking in a breath, I waved Reggie’s comment off and started to clean up the mess we’d made.

“You’re hiding him away from the world,” Reggie said.

I stopped with a broken dish in my hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What of The Hand?”

The dish shattered in my grip, and I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. I slowly turned toward him. He stared back at me, not wilting beneath my glare.

“Am I wrong?”

“They’re dead anyway, in case you forgot.”

“Do you really feel that way?” Reggie asked with the slightest bit of censure in his tone. “This family you found and grew to love, you truly believe they are gone and will do nothing?”

No. I didn’t. I felt . . . I sucked in a breath, trying to calm not only my nerves but my anger.

“Don’t do that!” I snapped back.

“Do what?” he countered.

“Act as if you don’t know I killed Azrael because he couldn’t be saved.”

“Your father,” Reggie corrected as if he’d actually been that to me.

“Azrael.” I dragged the name out, letting it hang in the air. “Because he couldn’t break the hold. They are just as dead. He said it. You really think I want Samkiel to see the ones he loves the most that way, or worse, they try to kill him?”

Reggie clasped his hands in front of him. “And does Samkiel know this?”

I dropped the plate and advanced on him, stopping a hair away from him to hiss, “Don’t you dare tell him!”

“It will not be enough for him, and you know it. Regardless of why you wish to keep them separated, he will not rest until he finds them.”

“You don’t think I know that? But there is no way he’s even remotely strong enough or ready to go searching.”

“Then get him ready. Help him.” Reggie didn’t back down, and for a second, I was worried as to why. It sent a chill down my spine to see him this persistent.

“For what? Another disappointment?” I turned away from Reggie, blowing out a breath.

“Are we speaking about him or you?”

My fists clenched at my sides. I hated how right Reggie was at times. “Listen, he just needs a break and time to heal before he sets out on another heroic mission. He’s not ready. The wound hasn’t fully healed. He’s still sore and can’t move in certain ways without severe pain.”

Reggie only glanced at the mess on the balcony before meeting my eyes. “Or perhaps you are not ready.”

I said nothing for a moment, but I knew the truth, and so did he. I couldn’t imagine if the roles were reversed. If Gabby’s mind had been taken over, and she’d tried to kill me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I’d much rather turn the blade on myself, and I feared he might have to face that, too. He loved them deeply. Maybe I was keeping him away from that pain. He had shielded me from such. How could I say I cared about him and not try to protect him, even if it made me seem heartless? I also knew the one harrowing truth that would make even Samkiel hate me if he knew of it.

“My father, as you like to put it, raised a weapon to me in those caves while under that spell,” I said, pausing to make sure I had Reggie’s attention. “A spell he created. He fought, but he wasn’t strong enough. Samkiel needs to be if we encounter them because if they raise a weapon to him, try to hurt him, Hand or not, I’ll kill them myself.”

Reggie nodded as if finally understanding why I hesitated, but when I really looked at his expression, I wondered if maybe he’d just wanted me to say it out loud.

“You are amata. I’d expect no less.”

I nodded and returned to the mess on the floor, determined to clean it up. Despite my words and bravado, my entire life felt out of my control. I couldn’t even tell him of the fear that lived in me that I would still lose Samkiel. No matter what else might happen, I could fix this.

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