Page 28 of Signed With Love

Because those scars that mark his beautiful chest were visible. It’s a secret he hasn’t shared yet but revealed to me just now. He knew I’d see them and still trusted I would love his body.

By the time we pull into the parking lot of the nursing home, my nerves are shot, trying to decide how much his trust means to me.

When I turn to look at him, Jamison is leaning forward and staring at the building. When he turns my way, I sign quickly. We can leave. Do something else.

He shakes his head, then smiles. There is no way he wants to spend his weekend with elderly people. What was I thinking? I should have set the note down and left before he woke up. Instead, I stayed and stared at him like a creep until he noticed, then I stared at him some more.

We get out of my car and walk inside. I continue to fidget until Jamison grabs my hand and stills it by engulfing it within his much larger one. Once we reach the nurses’ station, I see Elizabeth. She was my sister’s best friend, and seeing her always makes that empty spot in my heart seem a little bit bigger.

Hello. You brought company? she asks with a spark of curiosity lighting her hazel eyes. It’s to be expected. I don’t think she’s ever seen me with a guy, and I haven’t drug one along with me to the nursing home before.

This is Jamison.

After the introduction, he extends a hand forward and shakes hers. Their hands touch, and her smile and his both spread. He then signs to her that it’s nice to meet her. She responds likewise.

I place a hand on Jamison’s bicep and pull him away. I lead him down the hall in search of the residents. With it being Saturday morning, they should be in the common area. I scan the room for Peggy. I’ve been coming this last year since Maddie can’t visit her patients anymore. I sit at the table, and Jamison takes the spot beside me.

Morning, Peggy. How are you? I sign.

I’m good. Who is this handsome man you’ve got with you? She keeps her gaze trained over my shoulder. She knows to make eye contact while signing, but her attention sure is elsewhere. I decide to wait and explain until she focuses on eye contact like I taught her years ago, but when I glance behind me, I find Jamison is signing to her. He spells his name, then tells her it’s a pleasure to meet her. I need to give him a name sign soon, but it’s not something I do lightly. I’ve only ever given Mom, Dad, and Maddie theirs.

She can hear, and I’m sure she’s mentioned that, but they continue to sign, and he’s charming her. I can see why; he’s gorgeous to watch, but there’s something more to him. There’s a rugged gentleness to him. He’s such a big man who seems rough, but he can caress the air with his hands like a peaceful lullaby. I could watch him all day, and this time I get to as a bystander while he converses with Peggy.

We spend some time catching up. As I take on one of the things my sister left behind, for the first time, I don’t do it alone.

Now, you come see me again, Peggy demands as Jamison and I rise.

Of course, Jamison assures, then follows me as we head out. My sister’s presence hangs on this place, but Peggy is her last patient still here. All of her other patients have gone, and that reminds me of the time that has passed.

The memories flood in as I pass what was once Maddie’s office. Now it will be the new board director’s when he moves in. They’ve left it empty as long as they could out of respect, but it’s time for them to move on. I pause and linger, my hand braced against the frame. The memories are pouring in like a spring, flooding every crevice and pushing Maddie to the surface.

The office is empty, but her name is still on the door plate. Madeline Thomas. Jamison’s hand rests on my lower back as my fingers drift across the mahogany desk. There’s a layer of dust that slides away.

Maddie would never have let dust collect. I slide the edge of my shirt sleeve down over my palm and collect the dust particles, around and around until nothing gray marks her desk.

A warm hand on my cheek pauses my cleaning. Jamison’s thumb brushes a rampant tear running down my cheek. He sweeps right to left, across the sharp bone of my upper cheek to capture more tears that tumble down.

He pulls me closer and wraps me in his arms. I settle there and let his comfort travel deeper into the darker crevices of my heart.

???

Are you hungry? Jamison asks as he hits the Morgan Street stoplight. I travel these side streets often, but always alone. Jamison makes the journey more bearable as I guide him down the familiar back streets.

He’s taken over driving, and I can’t seem to mind. He knew I was in no mood to make the drive home and took the burden away. He’s always in line to take others’ burdens, a part of Jamison I believe is so deeply rooted that it’s forever a part of him.

Yes. Your pick, I sign.

He nods, then returns his attention to the road. Afternoon sun drenches Anchorage in a beautiful glow as we move deeper into summer. I love it here. It was always my desire to stay here in Alaska, even after we grew up enough to leave. As a twin, I was never more than thirty miles away from Maddie, though. The strain of distance never sat well with us. But Maddie was also the dreamer. She went places, so I did too. Even if I didn’t want to.

Jamison slips his hand into mine and intertwines our fingers. He squeezes, a comforting promise that I’m not alone on this journey. Something today has caused a stir inside my chest. I’m close to pulling my hand from Jamison’s to stop it from happening. He’s opening my heart up to him. Making me care. I was hoping for this friendship, but it’s a risk to open your heart up to losing someone.

I still can’t convince myself to disentangle our fingers. It seems as if they belong together, anyway. A few moments later, Jamison parks outside the downtown pizza place. I step out of the car and circle around to meet him. The potent scent of pizza dough hits me and brings another wave of memories.

Every weekend, once Maddie and I returned to Anchorage, we would eat at this place. It became our tradition, but it’s been a year since I’ve had a slice of their pizza. I want him to try Maddie’s favorite pizza place, but my steps falter when we get close.

He turns, a solemn look crossing his face when our gazes meet. We don’t have to eat out.

No, it’s Maddie’s favorite.

---