Page 33 of The Warrior's Captive

“I don’t know.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know either.”

“That happens when you’ve only known someone for a few days.”

“Are you calling me a whore, Rome?” she shouted, suddenly wanting to fly at him and hit him.

He backed up a pace. “Never. I’m just saying that it’s impossible to know someone after a lifetime, let alone a few days, no matter how intense the situation is. You can’t fully know a person’s mind or their motives. It’s okay to be confused.”

Her head was going to explode, and it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. She felt as though she’d have to double over just to get her next breath out. She eyed Rome’s knuckles and tried one of his tactics. Evasiveness, even though she’d been raised to be honest to a fault. “You’re getting tattooed at an alarming rate.”

When he’d left, Rome had almost no ink, at least no visible tattoos. Their mother would have had a heart attack. Now, the backs of his hands were inked and so were his knuckles. She wasn’t sure how much further the ink went because Rome always had a jacket or long-sleeved shirt on.

“There’s something cathartic about physical pain.” A flash of emotion in his eyes betrayed that that’s not all it was for him, but she wasn’t going to ask. She knew he wouldn’t answer. “Were you happy before?” Maybe he saw that unspent question because his voice dropped a few degrees. “What does your soul whisper to you in the quiet of a moonlight moment? What is the truest truth that your wolf whispers in your shared heart on a wind-lashed run? Was your life written out for you before you were ever born, as unchanging as the stars?”

She forced another sip of water and regarded her brother. She’d felt like he was the least knowable person in the world, and that was before he’d been banished. He still asked pretty things in a mean sort of way. “The stars do change. Just slowly, so that we can hardly perceive it.”

“I’m asking if we can change and grow our fates or are our lives made up of every choice we’ve ever made, assembled like a spider’s web?”

“Just ask me what you want to ask.”

“If you believe it’s your destiny to take this man as your mate, then time doesn’t matter. Just because it could be so doesn’t mean you have a right to waste it. Time can be lost and never regained. Time can turn to regret, which festers in the soul. Just because you’re carrying a child doesn’t mean you have to mate him. I fully think that he should prove himself worthy by our pack’s standards, and killing isn’t what Kieran would have anyone do. He thinks he’s a warrior, but you shouldn’t have to balance out the dark in him with your light. That’s how your own light disappears. I think it comes down to how you see yourself being happy.”

She should have been astounded, but ever since she’d arrived at Rome’s home, she’d grown less and less surprised by what she found. She’d always thought there was more to Rome than he showed anyone. This felt like a special moment, like he was choosing to let her see that part of him and she was honored.

“I don’t know about fate. I do know that two people can hurt each other through confusion. It has to be balanced. Mom and Dad balance each other. That’s why our pack is one of the few that values learning and love, compassion, wisdom, and kindness over blind loyalty. How could I not be happy living out my days there, even without a mate? If I could free Castor, then that would be enough for me. I mean, if Kieran could.”

“Would you be happy? Without a mate? You aren’t happy now.”

She sighed. Rolling her index finger around the plate, she gathered up a few crumbs on the tip and popped them into her mouth. “It’s too fresh.”

“It’s going to be that way forever if you’re destined, little sister. It’s never going to be easier to bear. For the rest of time, you will be empty in ways that can never be filled. You’ll be less than half alive.”

“I’ll have my child to live for.” She jutted out her jaw, not even sure why she was being so stubborn. Was it the anger she felt burning through her like poison, even if it was irrational? Castor hadn’t chosen to leave, but he was gone, and he hadn’t come back for her. He was a warrior, and if he truly wanted to be with her, then nothing and no one would stand in his way.

No, that wasn’t fair, and she knew it.

“Even so, every minute will be tainted.”

“Don’t tell me that it’s my choice when you make it sound like my life is ruined forever now. That’s very doom and gloom.” He was living it. His life was the cautionary tale. She should have been more sensitive. She was going to apologize, but he shook his head. He knew her path wasn’t his own. It wasn’t the same.

“You can live without a lung or a kidney, but not half a heart.”

She hung her head. She couldn’t continue this conversation with Rome. He might appear like he wasn’t hurting wildly, he might be able to moderate his emotions and his face and keep it all from showing, but she knew that his wolf was still a wounded beast inside him, half crazed. He’d scraped life back into his body for Waverly, because he had honor and decency. But the animating force was still grief, and it was eating him like a wasting disease.

“It’s a lot to think about.”

“Yes, and I’m late to the shop. Are you alright here?”

“Of course.” He’d left her alone there every other day so far.

“I could show you the grocery site. Order whatever you like. I’ll leave my credit card.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

He gave her one of those crooked smiles that wasn’t mirthful and was almost all devil. She knew that expression well. She’d seen it on him all her life. “It’s pack funded anyway. Until I get the shop really going, I don’t have an income. Kieran is footing the bill.”

She shook her head and so did he, in imitation of her because it infuriated her a little and he knew it. Yeah. Rome hadn’t given up any of his old ways.

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