Page 19 of Isabela

The door opens, and I realize he’s right. God, I cry so much now.

“I’m more trouble than I’m worth, Dr. Murphy. You should probably forget I exist,” I tell him, walking into the elevator and hitting the button.

“Whatever he’s doing to you is wrong. I can help you,” he insists.

“At what cost?” I laugh mirthlessly, my gaze moving up to green eyes. “I don’t want to be used.”

I still have the card in my hand that he gave me and I throw it in his face, shaking my head as the doors start to close.

“Don’t—”

I don’t know what the rest of the words are as I lose sight of him. Damnit, I really liked his class. It’s too bad I’m going to have to drop it this late in the semester.

The walk to the parking lot passes in a haze as I hide away in my sweatshirt, the hood over my head as I replay my uncle’s words in my head.

I did nothing except extend the inevitable. There’s a flier on my windshield, making me roll my eyes and pull it out. It’s on beautiful black card stock, the words in gold.

Shaking my head, I read the words Club Ecstasy Invites you to Throw your Inhibitions away….

Unlocking the SUV, I keep the advertisement with me as I get in. What would it be like if I did anything where I wasn’t overthinking it over and over. My entire life is a tightrope of choices, none of them easy.

Tossing the card to the side, I turn on the vehicle, and pull on my seat belt. Sitting back, I ask myself how this is even my life right now.

Sighing, I force myself to stop crying, brushing my tears away. It’s not going to help anything, so why do it?

The drive home goes unnoticed as I work on autopilot. I’m safe, but I’ve driven it so often, I pay less attention to the path to my apartment. Picking up my things to go inside, my eyes land on the flier.

“Fuck it,” I grunt, putting it in my backpack as I get out of the vehicle. The cbd lotion is safely in my bag as well, and I lock up before I head inside to my apartment. I’m already exhausted from the few hours I’ve been gone.

Before I know it, I’m home, locking the door behind me. My skin crawls as I think about my phone call, and I check every room before I feel safe enough to make myself a snack and a mug of tea.

Walking to my room, I change into pajamas before I curl up in my bed to eat my snack.

Laying back on my pillows, I pick up my computer and pull up my courses. Scrolling through to my Civilization class, I check to see that the last date to drop without receiving an unfilled note on my record is today.

“It’s a no-brainer, Isa,” I mutter to myself. Scrolling to the toggle button to hit the drop button, I refuse to let myself feel sad for myself. I really loved taking Dr. Murphy’s course, even if he leaves something to be desired.

Tossing the laptop next to me, I pick up my backpack slowly to place it in front of me. My ribs are going to complain for a long while, and the bruises are already beginning to change color. They’re healing, though, and that’s what matters.

Opening the bag to pull out one of my notebooks, the black flier catches my eye again.

Changing direction, I pick it up and read it again. Wondering what this is about, I look up the club, searching through until I see the Wicked Temptation Key Party.

My lips curl up as I see that it’s a classy sex party. The men will choose a key, and that’s who you’re spending the night with.

It’s free for me to apply, they do drug tests, and each person needs to send the owner an email with their reason about why they want to do this.

It seems easy enough. I wish it was sooner. My virginity is the one thing that’s mine. I want to have full control over how I lose it, but I don’t necessarily care who it's with as long as it’s not the mayor.

Filling out the form, I upload a photo of myself where I look happy. My gauges are on full display, as are my tattoos. I don’t want to hide any part of myself when I apply for this. The information is all confidential and no one else will view it but the owner.

This event is giving me the opportunity to release my inhibitions, and finally do something I want to do.

Everything is consensual, the only thing they ask is for everyone to have an open mind.

Well, I definitely have that.

Hitting submit, I feel a little lighter after a really shitty day. Whether I’m accepted or not, filling out the application was enjoyable because it allowed me to fantasize about being someone different.

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