Page 68 of How Much For A Broken Heart?

I remembered a tea party with Buzzy-Bear, and James there, making me sit with them, telling me the three of them needed a brave SEAL to keep them safe. I recalled smiling, then all of us sitting at a tiny table, and I recalled James staring at me. I rubbed at my chest.

Maybe I could have had something with James? I would never know, and for a moment, I let the grief consume me. Allowed it to run its course, until I could finally breathe again.

Everything seemed so normal in the room, and my fingers dug into my jacket where I was hiding the brown teddy bear that had arrived by courier this morning.

“Hey, August,” Josh called at my side, startling the hell out of me. I hadn’t even heard him come closer, and I staggered back, eyes drawn to the bundle of kitty fluff in his arm. After a moment where I let my heart slow to its normal beat, I reached out to stroke the cat. “This is Oreo,” he said with a smile, and for some reason, Oreo got it into their head that they wanted to jump from Josh and sit on my shoulder. I reached up to settle them.

“We’ve met before, out on the path. What a cute kitty you are,” I said in my best made-up baby voice.

Oreo purred and kneaded my T-shirt.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked.

“Yeah,” I said with fake confidence, and he raised an eyebrow. “No,” I corrected almost immediately.

“You want to talk about it before you go in?”

“I worry that… I mean…” I sighed. “James and I were just pretend.”

“Until you weren’t.”

“It never became more. There wasn’t time for it to be more than friendship. He was pushing for something, but I doubted myself, wondering if I’d ever break the warrior’s curse and find real life and love. But that doesn’t mean…” All the doubts were there, front and center, and in all of it, Oreo purred in my ear and settled around my neck, sharp claws digging into my skin every so often to remind me of their presence.

“You’re a good man, August, that’s all you need to remember.” Josh reached up for the cat, disentangling claws from my shirt, then patted my shoulder. “Good luck.” With that, he and Oreo departed, and I wished I was going as well because there was something so calm about Josh—I could see what Ethan saw in him, knew Cap was happy with his man and their son, Ben.

I thought I wanted that.

Family.

I thought I could have that.

I checked my watch, ten a.m., and then, knocked on the door. Lizzie glanced up and gestured for me to come in. Steeling myself for a world of hurt and rejection, I forced a smile on my face and stepped inside.

Annie glanced up at me, then back at her table, all set out with miniature cups and saucers, even a tiny sugar bowl with fake lumps, and a bright purple teapot.

“I don’t like this,” she mumbled, and poked at the saucer in front of her.

In that moment, my heart sank. I’d tried to prepare for a myriad of reactions from Annie, but her initial teary-eyed response caught me off guard. Had I done something wrong? I glanced at my empty hand, as if I could sense blood there, and for a moment my breath hitched, and I took a step back.

“Annie, why don’t you like this?” Lizzie asked, holding up her hand to stop me leaving. Guilt grew like a stone in my chest, thinking maybe I’d done something wrong or me being here was too overwhelming for her.

“It’s missing,” Annie announced, and she picked up the saucer and dropped it to the floor.

“Your cup for that one?” Lizzie asked and shuffled back a little so I could get closer. I went to my ass on the carpet, crossing my legs, making myself as small as I could. The source of her unhappiness wasn’t me, but the missing cup in the tea set.

Relief flooded me.

“It’s okay, Annie,” I reassured her, clearing my throat because my voice was catching. “I can help you find that missing cup. We’ll make sure your tea party is just right.”

She glanced up at me and stared, and for a moment, I wondered if she knew me. But then, she looked away and, together, we went through a toy box until, with triumph, I found the cup and passed it to her. She only relaxed when the cup and its retrieved saucer were placed in position with great care.

“Cake?” She handed me a plate of plastic cake. I took a piece and made a show of eating the slice, and she giggled.

“Who are your friends?” I asked and pointed to the lime green stuffie on her left.

“Apple,” she said and patted the circular fruit on its head. “Benny.” She pointed to a doll with its hair in bunches the same as hers. Then, she at some kind of fake copycat of Barney the Dinosaur. “Amos,” she said and frowned. I glanced up at Lizzie, who was leaning by the door, and she nodded at my concern.

“I like your friends,” I murmured. “I have a friend too; can he sit here as well?” I asked, as Annie poured me a cup of tea.

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