Page 69 of How Much For A Broken Heart?

“Sure,” she said and checked around me to see who my friend might be. I reached into my jacket where I’d hidden Buzzy-Bear and held him out to her.

“Here he is.”

She blinked at me, and ignored the bear for a while, and I found myself at a loss for how to connect with her. She was cautious, and I watched as she played with the tea set, her bright blue gaze, eyes so like James’s, scanning the room and checking in with me. She was uncertain, as if she was trying to make sense of who I was and what my role in her life would be. It was understandable, given the circumstances, and then, with a wrinkled nose, she removed Amos-the-dinosaur off his chair and tossed him behind her, then picked up Buzzy-Bear from where he was waiting, and sat him there instead.

“Hi, Buzzy-Bear,” she said and stroked his soft fur. Relief and gratitude collided—that I had the opportunity to be with her was intense, but there was also this sense of responsibility, and I knew I’d die before anyone hurt her again.

As the single minutes spun and turned into ten, then twenty, a small glimmer of hope began to emerge. Annie’s cautiousness gave way to curiosity, and she tentatively started to include Buzzy-Bear, and then me, in her playtime. We played house, we played jigsaws, we talked about princesses, and we talked about families, and at the end of it—god knows how long I’d been in the room unable to hug her—she crawled into my lap, tired but happy, with Buzzy-Bear in her arms and we showed her the photo that we’d taken of me, her, and James.

“Gust is here,” she murmured, and my heart broke at the familiar name she’d had for me, then she pointed at the photo. “Buzzy-Bear and Gust. I miss Daddy.”

Epilogue

RYDER

One Year Later

It was a warm and sunny day, and we were gathered at our home. It stood on the grounds of Kingscliff, small but private, with only the two bedrooms, but it held a wealth of love and memories that we’d made since the three of us had moved in and renovated the old place retrieved from the jungle of trees around the main house.

Today was a special day. It was Annie’s fifth birthday, and the cabin was adorned with colorful balloons and a banner that read: Happy 5th Birthday, Annie! She’d grown so much in the past year, and her energy and curiosity seemed boundless. Sometimes, she would wake up confused, but with the resilience of a child, she’d replaced all the bad things in her heart for good. The three of us—Annie, August, and me—attended family therapy, learning through play, and our family unit was strong.

Annie’s bright blonde hair loose around her shoulders, streamed out behind her as she ran around the yard, her laughter filling the air as she played with Bear, our black Labrador. She wore a scarlet dress that matched Bear’s bow, and August and I watched her with pride, sure in the knowledge we’d done our best and created a loving home for her. In her bedroom there were photos of James, things August had kept in that box of his, an old journal with poems James had written, doodles in the margins, and a pair of cufflinks he’d worn every day to work. Annie would never forget her father all the time that August drew breath.

“She’s happy,” August said as he joined me at the railing of our small porch. I loved sitting there, with our view out to the ocean.

“She loved her party.”

“It was more exhausting than a twenty-mile march in full gear,” August moaned, but he was smiling.

“Did you wrap our gift?”

August pointed at a wrapped present over on the table bowing under the weight of gifts from her friends at PreK, all of whom had just left. “I can take apart weapons and reassemble them in the freaking dark, but one stupidly small bow, and I’m beaten.”

I slipped an arm around his waist, tugging him close.

“We could have gotten the shop to wrap it for us, you know,” I murmured.

“I wanted to do it; this is the first birthday since…” He smiled at me and didn’t say the rest. “I wanted it to be me, or you.” We’d bought her a necklace that wasn’t as delicate as it looked, made of some hard-wearing material Kai had sourced for us, with a tiny angel hanging from it, and she was already wearing it. Of course, this being Kai, it also had a tiny tracker embedded into it. August and I debated the ethics of that for about thirty seconds, then realized we were both fully on board with knowing where Annie was at the age she was. We agreed to tell her, and we did, and she seemed to like the idea, as long as her daddies had them, too.

So, we wore matching necklaces, me with a tiny devil, August with a frog, and Annie her angel.

And in the wrapped gift was a matching bracelet for Annie, without a tracker, or so Kai assured us.

“I love our life,” August murmured, tucking his face into my neck. He’d made a choice over the past year, taking on a role with Shadow Team back here, as tactical support, opting not to go back out on missions. His priority was being there for Annie as she grew up. He never asked me to stop as well, but given my expertise in comm, I was often the one watching from the sidelines.

I didn’t miss the action.

I missed when I wasn’t at home.

As to the PTSD, after what happened with Amos, we had dark times, where August got lost in his head, but therapy was helping, and the dark days were less now. He said sex helped, and even though we both knew he was lying; I was happy to oblige. Both of us carried nightmares, but together we were stronger, and yeah, sex really did help when it was connecting at such an intense level it blew my mind.

“Do you regret staying here?” I asked, and he knew I meant the action, the adrenaline, the push and shove of winning against the bad guys. I also knew what he was going to answer.

“No.” He hugged me, and instead of stopping there, he continued in a soft tone. “I’d lost myself in that life, and here with Annie and you, I’ve found myself again, like I’ve found my own version of happiness.”

“I love you,” I whispered, and he pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, but he didn’t say it back, which was strange. I had a ring in my pocket, had had it there since I’d come back from a mission where Zach had nearly died. Time was precious, and I wanted to marry August, and I wanted Annie to be our daughter, and to maybe adopt a few more, have a really big family.

I wanted it all.

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