Page 73 of Resisting You

Frey smiled and shook his head, leaning a little closer to Renato. “I do.”

The beach was all but empty save for a couple of young families that had made camp near the large jetty. Frey had grabbed an umbrella from the rental stand, and Renato had set up their towels, and now they’d been laying half in and half out of the sun for a while.

Frey had happily shed most of his clothes, down to his board shorts, and Renato had thought about it, but it had been years since he’d displayed his body in public. Frey didn’t seem to mind much. He just rested his head against Renato’s chest and held his hand.

“I don’t remember the last time I did this,” Frey said after a long, long while.

Renato hummed, stroking a touch through Frey’s wind-swept hair. “It’s been at least twenty years for me. I haven’t been able to get away much.”

“I know the feeling. And when I did get away, it felt like we were just moving from one photo op to another.”

Renato knew how that felt. For Grady, everywhere was some kind of opportunity. Everything he’d posted online once social media had come about had been carefully curated. No one knew they ever fought, that they screamed and shouted, that they both cried in separate rooms because neither of them wanted to seem weak.

And neither of them wanted to appear defeated.

Frey rolled over and propped himself up on one forearm. He lifted the other and traced over Renato’s eyebrows. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“This look,” Frey said. “I see it a lot. Are you missing Grady?”

Renato’s chest tightened a little, and he rolled onto his side. He held his head up on his hand and stared at Frey. He was so, so beautiful. “No. And I think I’m struggling with that guilt.”

“Survivor’s guilt,” Frey said.

Renato thought that was probably it. Just like he thought a few sessions with his therapist might help him deal with the newness of falling for someone all over again, but he didn’t want that to taint their afternoon.

He reached out and traced Frey’s lips. “Does Rex like the beach?”

Frey rolled his eyes and stretched his arms above his head. “No. He hates the sand, but that’s because he got chafed, you know, down there? He got hit by a big wave when he was like four, and he still remembers it.”

Renato grimaced. “Poor guy.”

Frey laughed. “Yeah. He’s a tough kid but also really sensitive. He’d rather stay in and pretend wedding plan than do anything else.”

“How did he get into that? And why?” Renato couldn’t help but ask. It was an adorable quirk, but it was very different.

Frey bit his lip and looked up at the bottom of their umbrella. “I don’t know. I think on one of his sick days he was screwing around on Netflix and saw that show about wedding dresses and brides. He’s always been drawn to pretty things, and for some reason, weddings do it for him. He doesn’t know about mine.”

“With Jace?”

“He doesn’t know about Jace at all. I’ve talked about the woman who carried him and a little bit about his egg donor. But he’s never asked me if he was meant to have another parent, and I’m kind of hoping he never does. I mean, at some point, he’s going to find out.” Frey’s voice shook a little. “I just never, ever want him to know that my ex left because of him.”

Renato was always for honesty—even the most brutal sort, but he understood. He would have felt the same way. Rex didn’t deserve to carry that burden ever. “You’re enough for him.”

Frey smiled, but it looked a little sad. “I try. We’re a good team, but sometimes I wish I could give him more.”

I could be more. I want to be more. But Renato kept those words inside. He was still working out how to tell Frey about his feelings. He had no idea how to name them so they made sense, and he didn’t want to push where Frey was still so nervous.

“Sorry. Getting too awkward here.”

Renato shook his head, but he gave Frey the reprieve he was desperately searching for. Instead, he shuffled closer and kissed him. “Thank you for today. I didn’t realize how badly I needed this.”

“I hope we can sneak a few more in.”

He hoped so too. He had a lot to work out. The first was figuring out how to fix his life because he just wasn’t happy anymore, and there was a solution for it, but it would be long and complicated. Leaving his surgical practice to start a private orthopedic office wasn’t like he could turn in his notice. But the thought of it sent tingles down his spine he hadn’t felt since he was young and just getting started.

He could do this more often if he did that. He could schedule vacation and time with his lover—and with this new family he hoped might be his someday—if he was good enough to deserve it. So he put that in a little checkbox.

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