Page 4 of Gunner

She nods in agreement. Her hands fidget nervously, and a pale blush colors her cheeks. “Okay, well, I’ll see you tonight then.”

I lean into her and whisper in her ear, “You bet your sweet ass you will.”

Her blush darkens as she suppresses a smile. My hand itches to spank one of her round, juicy cheeks, but I refrain. We need to get reacquainted first, and we have a pair of curious six-year-old eyes watching our every move.

“Be careful gettin’ home. I’ll see you soon.”

She walks away with Caleb following along beside her.

I make my way across the parking lot to my bike, not giving two fucks that I didn’t buy the cereal that I came here to get. I’m leaving with something better. I’m seeing Lily fucking Carter tonight. And every night after, if I have anything to say about it.

Seeing her again has unleashed something inside me, feelings I’ve buried so deep I forgot they were there. She’s been away from Carnage for years, but now that she’s back, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her from leaving again.

2

LILY

Unknown Number: Watch your fucking back, you traitorous bitch, or you’ll end up dead.

Iread the text a few times while I wait at the red light. The hairs on my neck stand on end as I look around at the other cars. This has to be a joke, or maybe the messenger sent this to me by mistake. But, even if that’s the case, something about it unnerves me. This is a full-on threat, not a laughing matter, and it sends a shiver down my spine every time I read it.

Who the hell would send something like this? To me?

I shake my head. It must be a wrong number and probably has nothing to do with me, so why be bothered by it? Besides, I have other things to worry about, like how James Black is coming to my house tonight for dinner.

There was a time when I thought I was going to marry him someday. That we’d be together forever in a cute little house with a gaggle of cute little Jameses running around. But clearly, I was young and foolish, and all I have to show for our time together is a broken heart. A stupid, dopey, broken heart that still loves him no matter how hard I’ve tried not to.

God, why did I have to run into him at the grocery store, of all places, looking like this?

I glance down at the shirt I’m wearing, my eyes zeroing in on the toothpaste stain right above my left breast. Glimpsing at myself in the rearview mirror, I’m mortified at my lack of makeup and the rat’s nest on the top of my head I’m trying to pass off as a bun. I cringe as I inwardly chastise myself for leaving the house looking every bit like a single mom in survivor mode.

The sound of cars honking behind me startles me into focus. Dropping my phone in the cup holder, I step on the gas and catch up with traffic.

As I drive through town, I’m surprised to find that not much of Carnage has changed since I’ve been gone. Not drastically, anyway. There’s still the creepy, rundown gas station that kids from school would dare each other to walk into, as well as Pete’s Diner, famous for their coffee cake and apple pie. The movie theater has been remodeled, but the ice cream shop next door still looks the same. No, not much has changed at all, including the fact that I live here.

When I left Carnage at eighteen, I had no intention of ever returning. I had big dreams and ambitions and couldn’t imagine a reason to come back. Not after that last day. A day filled with strong emotions and heartache. The day my whole world turned upside down. Even now, when I think about it, I feel that familiar pain in my chest.

I remember how I held onto him as I cried, my face buried in his shirt, soaking it with my tears. James held me tight, his body shaking just as much as mine, but I couldn’t see his face. If he’d been crying, he never let it show. He had goals as well, which included becoming part of the Satan’s Disciples, the motorcycle club his friend Gabe belonged to. One of the most dangerous MCs in Nevada.

I noticed his cut today with the Disciples logo on the back. And don’t think I missed the Road Captain rocker stitched on the front. Guess one of us achieved our dreams, making the day I left all the more bittersweet.

Meanwhile, I never got to finish college. Money was hard to come by with my family, and eventually, they couldn’t help with my tuition anymore. There was some financial aid, but the cost of living was too high, and I ended up dropping out my senior year to get a job. It wasn’t anything glamorous, just a small bartending gig in Reno with great tips. But every night, I’d come home to an empty efficiency apartment and hold my pillow tight, wishing it was James while knowing it never would be.

But is Carnage really where I’m meant to be? I ask myself that question often, fantasizing about what my life would be like if I stayed.

We argued on that last day, instead of promising to stay together, even with the distance. James’s reason for our breakup was solely rooted in fear. Fear that he would end up hurting me and becoming like his father. He was afraid that he couldn’t give me the life I deserved, but the one I deserved included him in it. He took my choice away without giving me a say in the matter. So I became angry with him. Angry that he wouldn’t listen, that he wouldn’t try. Angry that he’d throw it all away, throw us away because he was scared. Sad that he wouldn’t fight.

He wouldn’t fight for me.

Thinking about it now, I better understand the apprehension that weighed on his shoulders. He witnessed the abuse his father inflicted on his mother when he was a child until he was old enough for that vile man to start picking on him too. I remember the bruises he’d tried to hide whenever his dad had too much to drink, and James got between his parents, taking the hits in place of his mother.

When she died from an unexpected heart attack, I begged him to come away with me, but I see now why he couldn’t. He finally had a chance to get away from it all, but he believed it was too late for him. That he was tainted by his last name. He let that despicable man’s words sink into his head, filling him with doubt and insecurity. He may have doubted himself, but I never did. I always knew James wouldn’t hurt me. He simply loved me too much. As much as I loved him.

It wasn’t enough, though. He ended things, and I walked away, my heart crushed into a million pieces. But now, I’m back here and it seems we have a chance to finally make the past right.

I have to admit time looks good on James. He didn’t have nearly as many tattoos back then, and certainly not that body. I saw the way women gawked at him in the parking lot, and I don’t blame them one bit. The man is gorgeous. He definitely looks as though he does physical labor for a living, keeping his physique hard and in shape. With all that ink combined with those muscles, he looks deadly and captivating at the same time. And so damn sexy. I could barely keep my eyes off him, and I might’ve even drooled a little bit.

And now I’m going to see him again tonight.

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