Page 92 of Forbidden Game

More than I can admit. More than I’m willing to acknowledge.

I’ve spent so long closing myself off to Parker, to the idea of him, that I blocked out the truth that was already there. That’s always been there. The truth that’s been threading itself together bit by bit over five years until it became strong enough that even I can’t deny it.

I like him.

I like him, and I have no idea what I’m going to do about it.

Do I play this forbidden game?

Do I take Parker’s hand and step over the line, leaving it blurred in the sand behind me?

I hear my brother’s voice in my head. A voice that brings me happiness and pain at the same time.

“You have to live for yourself, Syd. No one else is going to do it for you. We can’t be perfect. You can’t be perfect. Something is always going to go wrong, so just embrace what you can. No regrets.”

My brother lived life by the seat of his pants. He was a force of nature that attracted everyone into his light. He was the sunshine to my grump. I miss the way he pushed me to loosen my buttons, to break out of my shell. I miss everything about him. Every day. But so much time has passed that I’ve grown used to being without the part of my soul that disappeared alongside him.

No regrets…

Would I regret not trying this thing with Parker?

Would I look back on this moment five years from now and think “what if?”

I stare blankly out the windows, letting my eyes get lost in the looming darkness outside.

I want to scream.

I want to go to Jax’s and let loose a hundred punches against the bag.

I want to get rid of this feeling inside of me because it’s tearing me apart.

It’s tearing me apart because I know what I want and I’m scared of it.

I’m scared because I’ve twisted the lid and the feelings for Parker that I’ve kept bottled up are starting to leak out. I can’t keep living in this state of confusion where I’m kissing him one moment and avoiding his touch the next. I need to reseal the lid or take it off completely.

Parker stirs under me, and his head lolls forward before it snaps back up and his eyes open. Startled glaciers blink around the room. When he looks down at me, I see the unfiltered adoration crinkle the corners of his eyes as a sleepy smile spreads across his face.

“Hey.”

There’s a gravely deepness to his voice that I’ve never heard before, and the way it sends a zing to my core is the final straw.

“Hey,” I whisper back, the knowledge of my decision making my voice small.

He leans forward and places a soft kiss to my forehead. “I didn’t want to risk waking you earlier, but let’s get you into bed.” His arms readjust under me, and he jostles me in the air before standing up with me in a princess carry.

It’s a little ridiculous at this point. I feel lifetimes better than I did hours ago, let alone yesterday. The worst of the flu has passed, and there’s nothing but a slight sore throat remaining.

He softly lays me back in bed, removing my blanket cocoon and tucking me under the sheets. It’s pretty cute, and I once again just want to cry.

Maybe I’m getting my period early because my emotions are haywire.

He places a quick kiss on the tip of my nose before his thumb brushes over my cheek. When he goes to move away, I tear my arm free from the sheets and throw it out to grab onto any part of him.

“Wait.” My fingers curl around his T-shirt. “Don’t go.”

Even in the darkness I see his eyes widen, the whiteness growing around his baby blues. There’s a beat before he lets out a soft laugh.

“I won’t go anywhere if that’s what you want, love. I’m just going to shut the balcony door.”

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