Page 90 of The Promise Of You

He pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers, looking just like Dad when we used to mess up. It tugs at my heart how alike they are. I used to be jealous of it. Hell, a part of me will probably always be jealous. “Fuck, man. What are you talking about?”

He turns to me like someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about. “I ran away like a fucking coward when you were in the hospital. I didn’t even know if you were gonna make it. I can’t believe you never said anything about that. I failed you.” He pets Moose, his gaze turning to the night. “But you know what? I forgave myself. I was just a kid. Scared. I messed up. People mess up, bro. The only thing to do is pick up the pieces and keep going.”

“Yeah, except not everyone got to do that,” I croak. I don’t remember her face. I only remember the stench of burning flesh. Hers. Mine. It stuck to me for a long time.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ethan says. “You almost died trying to save her. You did everything you could and more.”

“It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have… driven her home.”

Ethan exhales loudly. “We were kids, Justin. You were a baby. But if you want to go down that road, then—you… you did right by her. I didn’t. She came to the party to find me. I should have been looking out for her.”

“What do you mean? She was your girlfriend. I hit on your girlfriend. I took her home to get lucky and—”

“She wasn’t my girlfriend. I didn’t even know where she lived! We’d hooked up once before and I’d called it off. Then she came onto me a little strong at the party, and I told her off a little strong too. There was nothing between us.”

My heart skips a beat, and my blood runs cold. “I thought… I thought… I thought that’s why you left.”

“Yeah, I heard that before. But naah. She wasn’t the one.” He hands me another beer, and I take it without thinking, downing it in one long gulp. He continues. “Did you know… shit, I can’t even remember her last name right now, isn’t it weird? Oh yeah… Ward. Audrey Ward. Did you know the Wards met with Murphy? Couple years ago, that is.”

“Couple years ago?” I knew about formal meetings in the weeks following the accident. Mom and Dad represented me, as I was in the hospital. Our lawyer negotiated the settlement payment with Murphy’s lawyers, and as it was, Sullivan’s since he was the one with the deep pockets.

Wish I’d known then that once I got out of the hospital, I’d set my eyes on the old forge for a new pub in town. I’d have negotiated kicking Murphy out as part of the deal.

“What about?” I ask him.

“Wanted to let him know they forgave him.”

Well fuck me. They forgave the asshole who drove too fast on a winding country road at night during a storm, leading him to skid right into my car and kill their daughter?

“Made me think. ’Bout forgiving myself, you know. You might wanna think about it. Maybe you should talk with them.”

The second beer is hitting me strong. “Who?”

“The Wards. You should give them a call. Have lunch or something. Who knows? Might help you.”

“I don’t need help. And if I did, they’d be the last people I’d turn to.” Is he out of his mind?

He stands abruptly. “A’right. I’m gonna hit the sack,” he says. “You okay to drive?”

No, I’m not. I had two beers back-to-back after drinks at the pub, and visions of a burning woman next to the wreck of my car more vivid than they’ve been in years. “I’ll crash on the couch.”

He stretches his impressive body, his fingers touching the porch ceiling. “That new girl…”

New girl? “Yeah?”

“You’re doing something about her, right. The one at the fairgrounds. You know who I mean. New girl,” he repeats.

Chloe. Bringing her up after we talk about the accident is like a literal balm on my gaping wound. But I’m not talking about her with Ethan. What are we, middle-school girls? “’Night, bro.”

“’Night, asshole.”

I settle on the couch, Moose at my feet. It’s good to have Ethan back. But what he just said, the whole forgiveness from the Wards? I had no idea.

They reached out to Murphy, but not to me. Do they still hate me for what I did?

twenty-nine

Chloe

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