Page 89 of The Promise Of You

Ethan is quiet about the stuff he does while he’s away. He just says he’s glad to be back and that it was time.

“So how long you staying this time?” I finally ask. I’m the last person who should fault him for enrolling, but I know Mom—and also Dad, although he doesn’t show it—miss him a lot. It has to be bittersweet for them to see him, only to have him leave again, not knowing if this might be his last time with us.

He shrugs and looks at Mom and Dad. “It’s kinda open right now. Don’t have a timeline yet.”

“You can stay here as long as you like,” Dad says. “I’ll keep you busy.” He’s always wanted all of his children working on the farm. I know he doesn’t understand my commitment to the pub, but at least I stayed in town.

Mom shrieks, drops her fork, and clasps her hands to her heart. “Ohmygod, my baby is staying!” she says, and we all laugh. Ethan looks nothing like a baby, at least not to us. I don’t even know how Mom can still see him that way.

“Mom, I just said I didn’t know how long I was staying,” Ethan says with a sad smile for Mom.

She waves his argument away. “That’s a good start, honey. A very good start.”

After dinner, Logan says, “Let’s go to The Growler.”

“How about Lazy’s?” Ethan asks. “I wanna check it out.”

Something warms in my core. Something that feels like pride and… affection?

Haley doesn’t want to come with us, and I can’t blame her. It’s where she works most of the time, these days. Mom and Dad pretend to be tired, but I think they want to give their sons some time together. So it’s just us guys.

Once at the pub, I manage to not get roped into the operation, to just sit back and relax in my own place, to watch my brothers have a good time in my pub. Girls take notice of the four King brothers hanging out together, but we’re too into ourselves for anything to get any further.

And thank god for that.

It’s late at night when we get home. Mom, Dad, and Haley have already gone to bed. Hunter and Logan stumble drunkenly up the stairs.

I’m on a different schedule, what with the pub opening at noon and staying open late into the night. I’m not tired yet.

“A beer?” Ethan asks.

“Sure.”

We sit on the porch, Moose at our feet, and pop our beers open, looking out into the dark fields, the shape of the barn against the moonlit sky. “So fucking proud of ya,” he says after a while.

“Proud of what?” I ask, almost offended. I run a pub in the middle of nowhere while Ethan is risking his life on the daily to keep us all safe.

He turns his face to me. “The way you rebuilt your life. The way you created something for this whole town.”

His compliment sits uneasily with me. I know he doesn’t mean it sarcastically, but I’m the reason he left the family and Emerald Creek.

He was the firstborn son. He went to UVM on a full athletic scholarship. I thought he was going to take over from Dad when the time came, and in between, they were going to work together on expanding King Knoll Farm.

Then I fucked up, and Ethan left.

“Anybody did something good with his life, it’s you, man. I just sell beer.”

His grunt tells me he doesn’t agree but won’t debate me on that. Not right now. “You ever think of settling down?”

I’ve lived in Emerald Creek my whole life. How more settled down does he want me to be? “I don’t follow.”

“Settling down. Having what Mom and Dad have. A family. That sounds pretty awesome to me. You?”

I don’t know how to answer his question. Until the accident, I didn’t project myself into what my adult life would look like. After the accident, I worked on fixing things. Making life better for others.

I knew I messed up Ethan’s life. His love life, and his whole, entire fucking life. He needs to know that I know that. That the way I’m living my life, is my apology to him. Because if he doesn’t know that, how can he move on?

“I—I can’t do that. Not after what happened. Not after what I did to you. It’s just not gonna happen.” I’m happy, so fucking happy he’s here, alive, and healthy, and I hope he gets the life he wants. The life he was meant to have. But until that happens, I’m not thinking about building something for myself.

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