Page 128 of Never Let You Go

“Maybe that actually was her way of forgiving, in the end? Of fixing things? She knew she’d screwed up with you, not being able to build a connection with you. She knew you wanted a family. She was trying to give you that.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” The words are so hard to come out, it’s barely a whisper. The injustice of being deprived of my family is making me want to scream, yet the only sound that comes out is thin as air. I can’t breathe.

“Why do we even ask 'why’ when it comes to Rita?” Barbara says, and it’s true.

I shake the frustration away. “You’re totally screwing my grandfather. That’s the most horrific and wonderful news I’ve had in a long, long time. And you kept it from me!” I give her forearm a gentle slap.

And that’s when I smell his manly scent before I hear him, and my body does its normal thing in his presence. Limbs mush, middle ablaze. My mind, though, freezes. Did he hear what I just said?

“I’m Christopher Wright,” he says as he extends his hand to Barbara. “Does that mean I can call you Grandma?” He totally heard what I said. His grin does nothing to soothe the panic I feel rising. I do not want to talk about my grandfather, because I do not want to talk about my grandmother with Christopher. Not yet. I spot Skye in the back, petting Moose. At least she didn’t hear that.

“Does that mean you’re marrying my Lexie?” Barbara answers without missing a beat.

Ohmygod what is going on right now?

“What are you doing?” I ask both of them, hissing. “Is this a prank? Do you know each other?”

Christopher winks at me. “Relax, pancakes, we’re just pulling your leg.”

“Yeah,” Barbara cackles. “No way he’s calling me Grandma.”

“You don’t look like a grandma.” This is coming from Justin, who brings a cheese and charcuterie board large enough to cover half the table, and plops himself next to Barbara. “This guy doesn’t know how to talk to ladies,” he adds, pointing to Christopher. “And that’s why—”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Christopher cuts in.

“Testy,” Justin says, wiggling his eyebrows at Barbara.

“You think?” she says, giggling.

And just like that, she’s part of the group.

thirty-seven

Christopher

Ihad a little time alone with Barbara, before she had to go back to New York. I gave her some breads to take home. Mostly, I wanted to thank her for visiting. There was no way Alexandra wasn’t missing Barbara, even if she’s acting all tough around me.

“What you need to understand about Lexie….” Barbara said. “She’s bottled so much in. When her mom died, her grandmother was pissed about having to take her in. Can you imagine what that does to a kid? I stuck around just for Lexie, to tell you the truth. At that point I was done with Rita. There’s so much a friend is going to do, you know? And do you know what she told my Lexie once, when she saw her crying? “No wonder your father left when you were a baby. Bet he couldn’t stand the crying.”

My blood boiled in my veins, and I didn’t know what to say.

I could tell it was the same for Barbara. “She was ten years old! Can you imagine? She wasn’t even allowed to mourn her mom, and on top of it, she’s blamed for her father leaving. All in one little sentence. Rita… what a bitch.”

My heart broke thinking about what Alexandra went through when she was barely older than Skye. I clenched my jaw. “But you stuck around…”

“I stuck around, as much as I could. For Lexie. That girl is a treasure. Believe me. All humans have a fear of abandonment,” Barbara continued. “But Lexie lived it several times in her life, to the point where she’s internalized it as something that is bound to happen to her.” She paused and looked me straight in the eye, and although she didn’t give me the Don’t you hurt her speech, she might as well have. “Her father left when she was a baby. Her mother died. And her grandmother, her only family, never loved her. Lexie is always preparing for the next letdown.” Barbara shook her head. “I’m overstepping. I shouldn’t have said that. What do I know? You seem to make her happy,” she added with a small smile. “Just thought I’d give you a little context on why she can appear closed off sometimes.”

“Appreciate that.” I hope Alexandra will open up to me. Tell me more of these things about herself. Make it less heavy for her to carry.

The days after Barbara leaves, Alexandra seems preoccupied, but it’s nothing she feels the need to talk about. I think back to what Barbara said, but I don’t push her. Instead, I try to read her. I’m sure finding out she’s going to meet her grandfather soon has to be a little nerve-racking. Not to mention that he’s with Barbara. That’s a plus, but I bet it’s awkward.

Speaking of awkward, the dinner at Emma’s is tonight, and man I’d like to find a valid excuse to get out of it. But I can’t. She’s my CPA. If not a friend, a solid acquaintance. Our daughters are BFFs. And this is a small town.

There are certain things you can’t get out of.

Let’s get this over and done with. I’m showered and changed, Skye is already over there on a play date after school. I just need to drag my ass there and come back asap.

“You look good,” Alexandra says as she looks up from her book. A sad smile plays on her face while her gaze sweeps me top to bottom and back up.

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