Page 56 of Rock On

The simple truth was, there wasn’t one.

There was nothing she could have done short of castrating me or something that I wouldn’t have forgiven her for.

“I understand intellectually,” I said finally. “It’s just the emotional part that’s hard to wrap my head around.”

“I’d like to be friends again,” Harley said softly. “But I understand it you can’t. Or just don’t want to.”

Friends.

How the hell was I supposed to be just friends with the woman I loved more than anything else on earth? It would be so much easier to just walk away and never see her again, but that was unrealistic too. We had mutual friends, shared interests in the band, and she was now friends with Presley and Jesse. She would be around whether we were friends or not, and being enemies wouldn’t make it any easier.

“We can’t go on the way we’ve been,” I said carefully. “Avoiding each other isn’t going to work, especially with this new bullshit with the masters, and frankly, it’s exhausting trying to behave like you don’t exist.”

“I don’t know where we go from here,” she said after a moment.

“I don’t either.”

“You both have plenty of time left here, and I think with daily therapy sessions and some soul searching, we may come up with a plan.” Allisha looked from me to Harley and back again.

“I’m open to whatever you suggest,” I said.

“There’s no magic fix,” she continued. “Time really does heal, and that part can’t be rushed. You’re still grieving the end of an extremely important relationship, along with the death of your friend, and both of those together bring on a lot of difficult emotions to navigate.”

“So what do we do?” Harley asked.

“I’ve been thinking about that, and I have an idea. What if you spent your time here just… existing. Together, apart, in group sessions, whatever it is. You don’t have to spend all your time together—in fact, I highly recommend that you don’t—but a couple of hours every day. Try being friends and see how it feels. If it doesn’t work, or if it’s too hard, you’ll know you need more time. Or maybe that you’ll never be friends and you have to settle for being acquaintances.”

I looked at Harley and she nodded. “I can do that.”

“Same.” I reached over and put a gentle hand on her arm. “I really want to try.”

“Me too.” She paused. “I’ve missed you, Tommy.”

“I missed you too.”

Our eyes met and for the first time in more than three years, the strange tightness in my chest went away. It had started the day Harley had served me with papers, and while I didn’t always notice it—like when I was on stage—it had been an ever-present reminder of everything that had gone wrong since she’d left me.

And just like that, it was gone.

I couldn’t explain my abrupt change in attitude but there was no doubt jealousy played a part in it. The thought of the only woman I’d ever loved cheating with my best friend had never sat right with me, and I’d spent the last sixteen months or so hating both of them for it. I was so angry I hadn’t even been able to properly grieve for Carter, and now it felt like I could finally start that process. It lifted a huge weight from not just my shoulders, but from my entire soul.

I was lighter, freer, and suddenly extremely anxious to work on this trial friendship.

If we could find a way to be friends again, maybe we could find a way to be more.

TWENTY-TWO

Harley

After our session with Allisha, Tommy walked me back to my room and we’d decided we would start every day by having breakfast together. We’d see each other in group therapy, and we planned to alternate sessions with Allisha; one day we’d have individual sessions, and the next we’d meet with her together. It sounded good when we planned it, and I found myself looking forward to when I’d see him again.

I was in dangerous territory with this new quest for friendship, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to say no when Allisha suggested it. I’d talked to her about that at our session today, and she’d reminded me the whole purpose of this was to test out the waters. If it wasn’t comfortable, or if it made things worse, we could end the experiment at any time.

The funny thing was I didn’t want to end it.

I couldn’t wait until breakfast so I could spend more time with him. If it were up to me—and my treacherous heart—we’d be together all day.

Tonight was bingo night in the main hall, and I found myself heading in that direction after dinner because I wasn’t ready to go back to my room. To my surprise, Tommy was already there, sitting next to Quinn and surrounded by a handful of older ladies I didn’t recognize. They seemed enthralled with whatever he was saying, and I watched for a moment, remembering a time when he’d enthralled me too.

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