Page 48 of Rock On

“You never disappointed me,” he said firmly. “Not once. I’m just sorry I disappointed you.”

“Look, I can’t sit here and lie and say it didn’t feel good, that once we got going I wasn’t enjoying myself. Yes, if you had taken the time to ask me before we got started, I would have said no. I knew that Carter had crushes on both of us, and even if I’d wanted to experiment, it wouldn’t have been with him. I was scared that he was too emotionally fragile, because of his addiction.”

“And somewhere inside of me I was worried about it too, but the selfish ass I was at the time didn’t care. I just wanted to see what it was like, I guess. Being with a guy and my girl at the same time.”

“You liked it.”

I hesitated. “Yes, but no. I liked it because it was Carter and because it was the three of us. I’d never done anything like it before and haven’t since. And I don’t think I ever will again. I wanted it because it was us, you and Carter. Does that make sense?”

“Did you have a crush on Carter too?”

He lifted his shoulders in a mini shrug. “Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t fucking know. I never wanted to have sex with him, and even after you left, we never did anything like that again. We had threesomes, but we didn’t touch each other at all, just the woman. He seemed to understand instinctively that what the three of us did that night was a one-off.”

Jealousy ripped through me at the thought of Carter and Tommy having sex with other women, and I had to take a slow, steadying breath to let the feeling pass.

“What?” Tommy asked, watching me. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head, embarrassed to admit I was still jealous after all this time.

“This isn’t the time to hold back,” he said gently. “Haven’t we done enough of that?”

“I was momentarily jealous,” I said. “The thought of the two of you doing with other women what we did…”

“We didn’t do it the same way. That night with the three of us was… a stolen moment of sexual and emotional nirvana. Carter was never going to have either of us, much less both of us, and yet, we somehow managed to capture a plethora of emotions in one passionate escapade. I’m just sorry you felt I manipulated you into doing it.”

“Wow. That was incredibly insightful. I never thought of it quite that way.”

“Yeah, me either. Not until I started talking to Allisha. But that’s what it was. We didn’t plan it, but we somehow lived out a fantasy we didn’t even know we wanted. At least, Carter and I did. I shouldn’t speak to what you were feeling.”

“I felt all the things you just mentioned with the caveat being that I was uncomfortable in the beginning because I never wanted to sleep with anyone but you once we were married. I didn’t mind as much when Carter, and the others, watched, but I didn’t want anyone but you to touch me.”

“I’m sorry, Harley.” He reached across the table and covered one of my hands with his. “I mean that. I wasn’t perfect, but I never would have asked you to do something that went against your principles or something that truly made you uncomfortable.”

“I share some blame because I should have spoken up but thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

We were quiet as the waitress put down what seemed like two hundred plates in front of Tommy.

“Come on, eat something,” he said. “Banana French toast is your favorite.” He pushed the plate in my direction.

And suddenly I was hungry.

I cut off a small piece of the flavorful bread and slowly put it in my mouth.

“Oh, that’s good,” I whispered.

He smiled. “Eat. Share with me.”

He’d done this on purpose, ordering more food than he could eat in the hopes that something would appeal to me. Because he’d noticed how much weight I lost.

This was the Tommy I remembered.

The Tommy I’d fallen in love with.

The Tommy I’d married.

And I’d missed him so very much.

NINETEEN

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