Page 12 of Surprised By Her

“Oh, no, I couldn’t,” I said.

“I can get you one if you want to try it,” Layne said.

“I’m better at making them than you are,” Honor said.

“You really don’t have to do that,” I said, but Honor was already walking away.

Shit. I didn’t want to be a nuisance. I didn’t want people to think I was being demanding or rude.

In spite of my meds, my chest was starting to feel tight and I had that tingle in my hands that told me that I was starting to lose it.

“Where’s the bathroom?” I managed to ask Layne.

“I’ll show you,” she said, studying my face and then taking my arm.

I let Layne lead me into the house and down the hall to a bathroom.

“You okay?” she asked. I gave her a jerky nod and closed the door.

I paced the room before putting down the lid of the toilet and sitting down, putting my head between my knees. My heart beat so fast that it felt like it was trying to escape from my chest.

I hated this fucking feeling so much. Things had been going so well and I’d relaxed too much and here I was, in the bathroom, my stomach roiling like a storm and my body sending up all the danger signals.

Breathe. I needed to breathe. Logically I knew that a panic attack could only last a maximum of twenty minutes, but I had no plans for staying in this bathroom to wait it out. I was going to get my shit together and go back out to this party.

I closed my eyes and did my breathing exercises, counting as I inhaled, held my breath, and then exhaled slowly. That was all I needed to do right now. Breathe.

Time passed. I had no idea how much, but at least no one was pounding on the door and demanding to use the facilities. That had happened more times than I could count and could send me right back into the thick of it.

Somehow, after what I hoped was only a few minutes, my nervous system started to come down from peak panic. I opened my eyes and flexed my fingers. My hand went to my heart and it started to beat a little more normally.

Before I left and threw myself back into the fray, I wanted to give myself a little more time to make sure I wasn’t just going to tip over the edge again.

I stood up and realized I’d set my water on the sink counter, so I grabbed it and had a few sips. I also checked myself in the mirror. My face was washed out, so I pinched my cheeks to bring some color back into them.

Figuring it was a good idea, I washed my hands with warm water and then braced myself before I turned the doorknob and left the room.

The hallway was blocked by someone very tall.

“Oh,” I said, surprised to see anyone. “I’m sorry, were you waiting for the bathroom?”

Ryan was leaning casually against the wall.

“No,” she said.

“Okay,” I said. Then why had she been standing here. “Were you waiting for me?”

She opened her mouth, closed it, and then tried again.

“I thought we should talk,” she said. “But we don’t have to right now.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said.

“There’s a guest room right there,” she said, pointing down the hall.

I nodded and turned, walking toward it with Ryan following me.

The room was decorated beautifully and looked like no one was staying in it.

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