Page 43 of F*cking Shattered

Song. Song. What’s a good stripping song? I shrug. “Surprise me.”

I hop off the barstool and my vision blurs. I sure am glad I’m drunk right now because I’d never do this if I wasn’t. But it’s something I need to do. I need to cross it off.

I stumble into the changing room to find a bunch of naked women.

A red head stands up right. “Did Mick hire a newbie already? Fuck, Tiffini just quit not even an hour ago.”

“I’m not hired. I’m just checking something off my bucket list.”

They all laugh or smile with curious and suddenly friendly eyes.

The red head walks over to me. “You need something to wear?”

I look at my jeans and tank top. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Come with me.” She leads me to the back of the room where a large wall is covered with a curtain. She pulls it back, revealing the ‘uniforms.’

“You’re kind of late so all the good ones are probably taken, but I’m sure we can find you something.”

She pulls out a school girl uniform: a short, white, collared shirt, a tiny, plaid skirt, and a red sting bikini underneath it.

“I have the white stockings and heels if you want.” She hands over the skimpy outfit.

“That would be great. Thanks!” I smile wide, completely confused as to why.

This isn’t something I want to do. Or is it?

Oh fuck it. Why even bother trying to figure out these emotions anymore?

I pull on the uniform that barely covers my ass and put on the heels. The girls make a fuss, pretending like I’m their personal Barbie. They deck me out in full on makeup and body glitter. I cringe when they rub the glitter over my skin and have second thoughts. I hate glitter with a passion.

Refusing to look at myself in the mirror, I push the feeling of wanting to vomit down and give myself a mental pep talk.

You can do this. Do it to get back at River. Do it for the list and Katie. No, do it for yourself. Put yourself out there, try new things. Live!

“You’re up, sugar,” the redhead says as the three girls, from the stage, rush into the dressing room, covering their bodies with the clothes they have shed.

“Everyone welcome the pretty Rivverr,” Comes the announcement and I freeze.

The music starts up to Believer by Imagine Dragons. If I wasn’t so nervous, I’d laugh at the song choice.

My hair is still down, but now that it has air dried, it hangs around me in loose curls. I use it to hide as much of my face as I can. I walk to the center pole and grab hold, not daring to look at River straight away.

I have no idea what to do, so I allow myself to loosen up and swing around it. As I feel more at ease, I look to my left where River is no longer sitting with the women, but standing at the side of the stage, watching with amusement and a smile playing on his lips.

I swing around the pole and dance to the song, but not as graphically as the other women did. I don’t even know how to move like that. I figure as long as I lose some clothes, nobody will be complaining.

I offer a naughty grin as my fingers go to the buttons on my shirt, slowly unbuttoning each one as the crowd gets louder and louder. When the shirt is off, revealing my red, shiny bikini top, I drop the shirt onto the stage.

I do the same routine until I’m in nothing but the G-string. Ever so slowly, I peel them from my body and sling them at River just as the song wraps us.

The place goes dark as I make my way off stage in a hurry.

When I push through the door, I’m filled with nerves and excitement. I’m completely out of my element and loving the high it’s giving me.

I pull my clothes back on and toss the ‘uniform’ into the dirty bin before telling the lady that helped me thank you.

I don’t know what River is going to say or if he’s still mad at me, but I don’t stick around to find out. I make a bee-line for the door.

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