Page 44 of F*cking Shattered

I walk as quickly as I can and don’t stop or look behind me until I’m back in the motel room alone.

Chapter Eleven

Now that I’m alone, my heart slams against my chest, only pumping more anxiety through me. I can’t believe I did that! I sit on the edge of the bed to calm myself down.

The stress of the day and the amount of alcohol I’d drunk is wearing on me. I decide to finally undress and crawl into bed, glitter and all. I’ll deal with the consequences tomorrow. I stand and kick my jeans off, I’m about to pull my shirt over my head when the door opens and slams shut.

I turn my head in the direction of the noise. River walks in wearing a wide smile. He’s rushing towards me with his arms held out at his side like he’s going to hug me. This is not the response I wanted. I wanted him as jealous and as mad as I was.

When he’s in arm’s length, I reach out and smack him across the face.

He’s stunned as he rubs his bruised jaw. “What the hell was that for?”

“What the hell were you doing at that bar with those women?”

He thinks it over before he smirks. “I wasn’t with those women. They are the girlfriends of a couple of the dancers. They don’t like leaving them sitting alone because they get hit on all night. Trust me, you are more their type than I am.”

My face wrinkles with disgust. “Don’t lie. I saw how they were looking at you.”

He moves closer, but I step away, not wanting to be confused by his touch because I know my body will give into him.

He holds his hands up in front of him, palms facing me. “I swear, it was nothing.”

“So you weren’t trying to make me jealous?”

His hands fall at his sides. “No, I was just trying to get out of here to give you space. I know you won’t say anything, but I can tell you’re freaking out.”

I let out a long breath of anxiety. “I’m sorry. I feel bad for treating you the way I did. I’m just so confused by everything, and we’re moving fast. Like really fast.” I fall to the edge of the bed, resting my elbows against my knees while drooping my head forward.

He sits beside be but doesn’t touch me, which I’m thankful for.

“Look. I’m sorry. I was mad, but not because of what you said. I was mad because I thought things were changing with us. I thought you were finally letting me beneath all your layers, finally letting me in.”

“I am and that scares the shit out of me. I didn’t even mean to let my guard down this much, you just wormed your way in and that scares me.”

His eyes squint. “Why does that scare you, beautiful?” He pushes my hair away from my face, his fingertips skimming lightly across my cheek.

“I’m fucking broken. Don’t you know that? If I let you in and you hurt me, I may not recover from that. I barely have a heart left after Katie, I can’t lose any more of it.” Tears sting my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I’ve been holding in too much lately. It’s all been building and building and now, it’s finally exploding.

“Shhh.” He pulls me closer, cradling my head to his chest. “I’m not going to hurt you. I want to be with you. From the first time my eyes landed on yours, filled with pain and sadness, I wanted you. I wanted to be the one to make all that disappear. I know what broken looks like, and it’s not you.”

I look up into his blue eyes and see the pain hiding beneath them. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs before moving in slowly for a kiss.

His hot mouth touches mine, and the floodgates open. A rush of emotion washes over me: excitement, fear, desire, maybe even love if I would let myself admit it. But I won’t. Not yet. I can’t.

He’s kissing me softly but deeply. A kiss that sinks into me, reaching even the darkest, most broken parts of me. He’s being so gentle, like he’s afraid I will break. And I just might. Is this worth all the pain and suffering I’d have to go through? The touch of his skin, the feel of his kiss, the emotions he can stir inside of me, is it worth it?

He lies me back, covering my body with his, but he doesn’t put his weight on me. He holds himself up so his hands can softly roam my body, sending shocks through me. His touch almost burns me, it’s so strong and intense.

He breaks our kiss to pull my shirt from my body as he gets up on his knees, hovering over me.

“Do you even know how fucking sexy you were on that stage tonight?” He removes his shirt, tossing it onto the floor. “I wanted you so fucking bad.” His fingers snake beneath my panties as he pulls them from my body. “I would have taken you right there on that stage with everyone watching if you’d let me.” He pushes his pants down over his large erection and my stomach muscles tighten, needing him inside me, needing him to make me forget everything but the way I feel about him. “You had me so fucking worked up. I wanted to beat anyone who even looked at you.” He slams into me, making me call out loudly. The bed moves with his powerful thrust, it hits the wall with a loud bang.

His hands are holding my hips, holding me still as I try to wiggle against him. I need him to move. Already my release is begging to be let free.

He pulls out slowly and pauses. “You’re mine. And I’m yours. Say it.”

“I’m yours,” I practically moan, fisting my own hair, slightly pulling.

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