Page 27 of Losing a Piece of Me

Tears sting my eyes, but I force my eyelids to stay open so the fresh breeze blowing in through the window can airdry them before they get a chance to fall.

Fuck him. Why would he do this to me? Doesn’t he realize what could happen? Of course he doesn’t, because I never told him. I couldn’t tell him. I’ve kept this secret so long that giving it up would be like losing a piece of me.

It’s mine. It’s mine to let sit inside of me, eating at me, being a constant reminder of how fucked up my life is. It’s my deepest and darkest secret and the fucked-up part is, it’s not even my secret. Not really. Well, okay, I guess a little piece of it is, but the threat, that wasn’t on me. That was the small piece of information that could destroy my family.

“Stay away from my son or I’ll make sure they all know. Wouldn’t that be the talk of the town?” He shoots me a cocky grin that highlights his double chin. “Everyone will be talking about how the hotshot lawyer that runs this town fucked up. I bet Mommy-Dearest will love that. Tell me, how well will she take it when she knows she’s the talk of the town? Do you think she will leave your dad? If she does, where will you end up?” He laughs again, knowing he’s getting to me.

That memory is so vivid and burned into my mind that, instead of seeing the road through the windshield, I watch the mental imagery unfold over the dashboard. My mind is jerked back to reality by the sound of my tires making contact with the rumble strip on the edge of the highway, and I jerk the wheel back into my lane. My heart is pounding and my chest hurts, my breathing quick and shallow.

An exit is visible. I’ve only made it one town over, but I take the opportunity to get off the highway to calm down and catch my breath.

I pull into the closest gas station and throw the car into park. I slide my seat back as far as it will go and lean over with my head between my knees.

I slowly count backwards.

Ten. Breathe, calm down.

Nine. Breathe in, breathe out.

Eight. Calm your racing heart.

Seven. Stop thinking, just count.

Six. Get control, build your wall.

Five. I see those bricks going back into place.

Four. The wall is halfway up. My breathing slows and becomes deeper.

Three. Keep going, your heart is returning to normal.

Two. Almost there. Keep breathing slowly, deeply.

One. That’s it. I can do this.

One last long breath clears the fog and I sit up slowly. I close my eyes and breathe, not thinking about Striker, the kiss, last night, his dad, or my parents. I stop it all.

I slide my seat forward and put the car in drive, anxious to get back on the highway and leave that town behind me.

Chapter 8

I wake up with a smile, remembering the night before. She felt something, I know she did. Her body said it in the way she held me against her. The way her heart pounded against her chest, in rhythm with mine. The way her eyes stayed wide open and locked on mine. She saw every bit of love I have for her and, in return, I saw every bit of love she has for me.

My arm reaches across to feel for her, but the bed is cold and empty. I sit up and peek out of the window by my bed. Her car is gone.

She’s gone.

Fuck.

I knew it.

I pushed her too far. She’s running again. Away from her feelings, away from me.

I lean over and hold my head in my hands. What am I going to do? How can I make her see it? She has to see it.

Uneasily, I pace through the house to the kitchen. While drinking from the carton of orange juice, my eyes land on a piece of paper on the counter top. I toss the empty container in the trash and take a step closer to see it clearly.

It’s a note from Lex.

---