Page 26 of Losing a Piece of Me

The brunch is being held at the country club again, and I take my seat at the breakfast table with my parents, sister, her soon-to-be husband, and his parents. Everyone seems so happy. They all smile and talk about the dinner and the upcoming wedding, and my mother even mentions planning their honeymoon.

I politely brood in the corner, only speaking when spoken to. I’m lost right now. I feel like I’m being pulled every which way, and I can’t make up my mind.

And despite it all, I feel numb. No stress, no anxiety, no anger, no sadness. Just numb and callused.

My skin feels tougher, as if any unjust words from my parents will simply bounce off of me without any affect. I’m wearing my suit of armor and it feels strong today. Knowing that their words can’t harm me brings me a small measure of inner peace.

I sit and pick at the lint on the white table cloth. I drink my orange juice out of a flute and poke at my fruit with my fork. I never meet their eyes and they never include me in their conversation.

When Dad pays the check, a surge of energy and relief bursts through me, and I’m ready to hit the road.

Should I tell Striker goodbye?

I know I should, but I can’t.

My mother gives me a cold goodbye and my dad and sister offer me a hug before I leave them sitting at the table to say goodbye to their guests.

When I reach the exit, my feet double in speed, trying to get to my car as quickly as possible. I’m digging through my purse looking for my keys, but when my head pops up, I see Striker’s bike parked next to my car with him casually leaning against it.

Good thing that armor is still in place.

When his eyes lock on me, his jaw sets and I can see the heat burning behind his eyes. I prepare myself.

I come to a stop directly in front of him, but don’t speak. Neither does he, he just studies me.

Finally, after what feels like forever, he stands up straight. His eyes flash to my packed bag in the back seat of my car. “So what, you were just going to sneak out of my bed this morning and take off back to wherever in the hell you’ve been hiding all these years? You weren’t even going to tell me goodbye, were you?”

“I was,” I lie. I wasn’t, but he doesn’t need to know that.

He watches me and lets out a breath of air. “No, you weren’t. Don’t fucking lie to me,” he says, pointing at his chest.

I rub my forehead. “What do you want from me, Striker? We slept together, so what? It was a mistake and we both know it.”

His chest is rising and falling quickly. His nostrils flare and his eyes burn with anger. “A mistake? That’s what you’re telling yourself?” He scoffs and turns to walk away from me, but then turns back. “No, you know what? Fuck it. If this is it, I’m just going to say it and you’re going to listen. I don’t care how much it scares you.”

I square my shoulders, ready for his blows.

“Last night meant something to both of us and you fucking know it.” He points at me. “You love me, you’re just too goddamn scared to do anything about it. What happened to the old Lex? Huh? You remember her? The Lex that wasn’t afraid of anything. The Lex that did what she wanted, everybody else be damned. The Lex that loved me, and loved me fiercely. A love so fucking strong that nobody will ever fucking compare. What happened to her?”

He is standing so close I can smell him. I could reach out and touch him, but I don’t. I feel myself begin to crumble as a large brick wiggles loose from my walls and starts to plummet to the ground, but I catch it just in time. Mentally, I pick up that piece and stuff it back into its place in the wall that has been threatening to come crashing down since I drove back into this town.

I raise my chin and take a breath. “That was a long time ago. She’s gone. All that’s left now is me, and I don’t give a shit if you like it or not.” I turn away, but he catches me by the arm and spins me around, pinning me against the side of my car.

“You think that last night was nothing? You feel nothing?” His breath blows hot against my face.

Something catches his attention and he turns to look at the entrance of the club, but doesn’t move. My eyes follow his to see my mother and father standing there, watching us. She covers her mouth in shock while my dad stands still with his hands in his pockets, looking angry.

He turns back to me. “See if you feel anything this time.” His lips crash into mine and his tongue dives inside. He gives so much more than he takes with this kiss. He presses himself against me while he holds me to him. I couldn’t escape if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.

His lips glide against mine and I feel my body erupt in tingles. Every hair stands on end and almost vibrates. My stomach tightens as my body is engulfed in flames. I become oblivious to my watching parents, and to the fact that my dad may very well be angrily walking over here right now to shove Striker off of me. I feel everything he has to give me.

My wall shakes. It starts to crumble and just as it explodes and bares all of me, he pulls away and looks into my eyes. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought.” He turns and hops on his bike. The loud sound of the engine starting suddenly cuts right through me. He revs the engine as one last ‘fuck you’ to my parents and then drives away without a look back.

I’m left frozen in place. What just happened? How did he do that? This isn’t me, my wall was up. It was fucking up and he just came and knocked right through it with ease.

I turn to look at my parents, but they are no longer there.

I rush to the driver’s seat and drive away as quickly as I can.

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