Page 75 of The Summer of ’98

The airport was air-conditioned and we stood beside the gate with Eric, who was obviously disappointed to be leaving.

“I had a great week,” he smiled as he pulled me in for a hug. “Talk to Leroy, okay?”

I stepped back and gave him a tight smile. I couldn’t pretend that I wanted to do that, but his heart was in the right place. I felt bad for letting him harbor such a big secret from his friend. If I hadn’t been so unstable in that hotel room, I probably would have realized that he was the last person I should confide in about something like that. He just had such a laid-back but inviting vibe about him. Someone that you could share anything with.

I said goodbye to both him and Amber and left them to have a more intimate farewell without me hanging around. We’d come in Eric’s rental but that had to be left behind so I decided to take the bus home. Amber was getting picked up by her mother, but I didn’t want to ask for a ride. The short walk from the bus stop to home would be good anyway. I’d felt a little nauseated this morning, which surprised me. So far, I hadn’t had any signs of morning sickness.

The bus didn’t have decent cooling. It was cramped and stuffy, but I endured it until it came time for me to get off the bus and I inhaled a deep breath of fresh air the minute I hit the sidewalk.

My neighborhood offered a quiet walk. Some of the elderly homeowners were in their gardens, pulling weeds or watering their flowerbeds. Small children played on their trampolines, rode their bikes, or played hopscotch on the footpath. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of heartache when I watched the little ones laughing and playing with their bright, innocent smiles. Life is so much simpler as a child. Why the hell are we always in such a rush to grow up?

My hand ran along the top of my picket fence as I whistled and approached the little latch gate that led toward the front door of my home. My gaze flickered up and I startled at a woman standing on the doorstep. She turned around and I realized that it was Eleanor.

I just stood there while she smiled and waved with no hesitation. She glanced from side to side before she came down the steps and walked toward me. I met her halfway, not quite feeling the ground beneath my feet, not sure what to say. It had been two weeks since I’d left Colorado, but it had felt like a lifetime.

“Hello, Ellie,” she held her purse close to her side. “You must be wondering what I’m doing here.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Can we talk inside?”

Momma was still at work for a few hours, so I nodded and stepped around her. She followed me inside and took a seat at the kitchen table while I pushed all the windows open. “Would you like a drink?”

“No, darling,” she tapped the table space beside her. “Come and sit down so that we can talk.”

My heart sped up as I did what she asked and sat down at the table. My fingers twisted together on the surface. It was hard to feel calm with Leroy’s mother sitting in my dining room after what had happened two weeks ago. Part of me wanted to ask her how Leroy was. I wanted to bombard her with a million questions. But I kept quiet and waited for her to begin.

“I won’t beat around the bush,” she said. “Eric phoned and told me . . . everything. The adoption. Your mother. All of it.”

I began to shift with discomfort. Heat crept up my chest and neck and all I could think about was how I had asked Eric not to tell Leroy. He said he wouldn’t. But Eleanor was never discussed. He’d found a loophole and I wasn’t sure if I was pissed off or relieved. That would depend on how this conversation went.

“Please don’t be upset with him,” she said. “He really felt like he was doing the right thing.”

“Of course,” I murmured. “I’m not mad. I shouldn’t have put that on him in the first place.”

“I’m glad you did, though.” She ducked her head so that she could meet my eyes. “I imagine that you’re feeling quite alone at the moment.”

I gave her a small but confirming shrug.

“Leroy doesn’t know, Ellie,” she said. “I thought that you should be the one to tell him that you’re giving the baby up for adoption. I’m not sure why you felt that you couldn’t tell him in the first place.”

“Because I didn’t want to put him through that,” I said. “I know that he wanted to keep the baby. I didn’t want to put him through the pregnancy only to hand the child over in the end. That would hurt him so much and I didn’t want to put that on him.”

“And that’s very sweet of you, darling,” Eleanor said. “But you’re talking as if he’s the only one who’s going to hurt. Won’t it hurt you as well?”

I took a deep breath and felt the familiar tingle of my tear ducts. “Of course it will.”

“Exactly. I know my son, Ellie. He would be more hurt that you kept this from him. He would be more hurt if he didn’t get to support you through this. He’s a good man. He does the right thing. No matter if he likes it or not.”

I quickly swiped at a tear that slid down my cheek. She was right, of course. I wanted to protect him so much I hadn’t even considered how badly I could hurt him in the process. But no matter how I went about my next steps, someone was going to get hurt.

“Now, let me tell you this,” she straightened up and her tone was authoritative, her expression stern but her eyes were full of kindness and comfort. “You have options, sweetheart. You do not have to give this child or your future up. You don’t. I want you to know that Jacob and I will support you if you want to keep him or her. We can provide financial support. We could help with babysitting, living costs, even your education. You wouldn’t have to struggle. But I don’t want you to feel pressure, or swayed into a decision. This choice can’t be mine, and it can’t be Leroy’s or your mother’s. It needs to be yours. But I want you to know that I am here to help if you want it. I want you to have options.”

I felt my heart speed up as I realized what she was offering. It was something that I had imagined but never believed she would do. “Why?” was all I could murmur.

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll admit, I was disappointed when I found out that you were pregnant. Leroy has his future set up. He has goals and plans. You both do. But he loves you. He loves you so much and I would never want to stand between him and having a family. We’re blessed enough to have the resources so that he could have both a child and his career. A lot of people aren’t that fortunate.”

I swallowed and took a few deep breaths while I processed the information. It was a lot to think about. I assumed that having her support would solve all of my problems. But there were still a lot of details to figure out.

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