Page 24 of Catch My Fall

My mind gets caught on that last part. I hear the words but they don’t make sense, like I’m hearing them in a different language. It’s as if it’s happening to somebody else. Not me.

It can’t be me. Can it?

My whole world shifts on it’s axis.

Reese cries silently beside me. I hadn’t even noticed her hand squeezing mine, and I hadn’t even realised that my other hand had moved to my belly, feeling the faint outline of a scar running along my lower abdomen beneath the dressing.

“A… a hysterectomy…?” I let the word sink in. It echoes through my head, the full weight of its meaning hitting me full force.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s difficult to process, but had we not removed the uterus, there was a chance you may not have survived,” she explains.

“No…” I breathe out.

Without a womb, I’ll never be able to get pregnant. I’ll never be able to carry a baby inside me. I’ll never give birth…

I’ll never be a mom.

Tears burn in my eyes. How is this happening? “No. H—how…? No! No! But I— I’m too young!” I scream.

“I’m very sorry.”

“But h—how will I have a baby?” My voice cracks at the last part.

“Your ovaries are fully functional, and in the future you have the option to harvest your eggs should you wish to reproduce, but unfortunately your body is physically unable to carry a child yourself. You may also find that you experience the menopause a lot sooner than usual given the operation we had to conduct. This is perfectly normal. I understand this isn’t the news you ever hoped to hear, Sierra, but saving your life was our priority.”

“I… I don’t know what to say…”

“I’ll give you some privacy. Get some rest, Sierra.” Doctor Fowler slips from the room as if she hadn’t just shattered my entire world into a million tiny pieces that I’ll never be able to repair.

“I’m so sorry, Si,” Reese says.

“This can’t be happening. I—” My voice is swallowed up as a sob from deep in my stomach rises up and rips through me, my cry probably loud enough for the entire ward to hear.

I’m hysterical, and I can’t seem to take in enough oxygen to fuel my cries. All I seem to be able to manage are tiny gulps of air that only make me panic more. It’s like… it’s like I’m having a panic attack.

“Sierra? Si, calm down, it’s alright.” Reese’s reassuring words have no effect as I gasp for breath.

“Alec!” Reese yells just seconds before the door swings open, crashing back onto the wall behind it.

Two strong hands cup my face, and I flinch from their unexpected touch. “Sierra? Sierra, look at me.”

My eyes flick up to meet a pair of grey ones I’ve seen in my dreams, eyes I’ve drowned in so many times.

Eyes the colour of storm clouds.

Alec.

“Breathe, princess. Just breathe,” he soothes, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. “In and out, nice and slow, copy what I’m doing.”

I mirror him, inhaling and exhaling with him, the repetitive, slow movements of his thumbs on my cheeks calm me.

“That’s it. Keep looking into my eyes. It’s me, Alec. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. You’re safe with me.” He speaks softly, and I focus on the tiny flecks of silver and white in his eyes that I’ve never noticed before.

After what feels like a lifetime, my breath finally comes back to me as my tears begin to slow. My forehead falls to his shoulder as he gathers me in his arms, his familiar scent of citrus and sandalwood drifting into my nose, settling some of the unease inside me.

He strokes my hair. “It’s alright, Sierra. You’re safe, I promise.”

I might be safe, but my life will never be the same as it was before I was kidnapped. It will forever be altered by recent events.

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