Page 25 of Catch My Fall

I thought that when I finally made it out of that hellhole, that I’d be free. That I’d be able to restart my life and put it all behind me. But it seems it wasn’t just my virginity they stole from me. They’ve stolen away my entire life and all my dreams with it.

10

I’m pretty sure every little girl had a life-sized baby doll to play with growing up. While Gage was busy building a fortress out of Lego, and Rafe was killing zombies on the latest video game, I was sat in the middle of my bed, feeding my pretend baby bottle to my pretend baby.

Her name was Sally, and I don’t think I ever loved any toy more than I loved her. I was six when I got her for my birthday, and she was glued to my arms every day for years, hell I’d even take her in the bathtub with me.

My mom always told me what a wonderful mother I’d become one day when I was older, and then she’d tell me the same story she’d told me and my brothers a million times before. The story of how giving birth to her children was the best thing that ever happened to her, the greatest gift—except for marrying our dad, of course.

I couldn’t wait to be older, to fall in love like my parents and have a baby of my very own. To create a family.

But now that’ll never happen.

It hasn’t quite sunk in yet, the fact that everything I’ve ever wanted is out of reach to me, and my life has slammed to a screeching halt.

I know in reality it’s not the end of the world, but right now, it feels like the end of my world.

And I’m not really sure how to process that.

The door to my hospital room opens a fraction and Reese pokes her head around. “Knock knock, care for a visitor?” She gives me a hesitant smile which widens when I give her a barely there nod.

She must see it as progress seeing as how I haven’t moved so much as a single muscle in three days other than to use the bathroom, eat and shower—not by choice, and only when the smell surrounding me got so bad I was on the verge of vomiting.

I haven’t been taking visitors. Every single person who has come in the hopes to provide me company and comfort, I’ve turned away. I couldn’t face having to talk to anyone and pretend I’m okay, because I’m not.

I’m so far from being okay.

Every day I’d turn my family away, but every day they try again hoping I’ll change my mind, but as much as I don’t want to see anyone, I can’t keep pushing them away forever.

Reese moves further into the room carrying one of the weekend bags from under my bed. “I brought you some clothes and toiletries and one of your smutty romance novels you like in case you get bored.” Her smile dies in an instant. “Shit, I bet reading about that is probably the last thing on your mind right now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I appreciate it.” There are no feelings behind my words.

She takes a seat by my side. “Della said she’d stop by later, if that’s okay?”

The mention of my other best friend and sister-in-law lightens the heaviness in my chest. “Yeah, that’ll be nice.”

“And um… Gage and Rafe are desperate to see you.”

I bristle at their names. “No. Not yet.”

I still haven’t forgiven them for lying to me, for not telling me the truth of how my mom really died when I was eight years old. How could they not tell me that the car accident that killed her wasn’t an accident at all? That it was Della’s father who orchestrated the whole thing thinking it was my dad driving that night instead?

The night I found out I left the house and wound up in the waiting arms of the devil himself, and a part of me blames them for that. If they’d just told the truth, none of what I endured would have happened.

“I know they hurt you, but they love you, Si.”

“And I don’t doubt that, but I’m not ready to see them yet.”

She doesn’t fight me on the subject and I’m glad, I barely have the energy to talk let alone enter into an argument.

“You know… Alec hasn’t left the hospital at all since you were brought in here. Not once.”

My interest piques at the mention of his name. “What?”

“He’s out there, right now. He refuses to move too far in case you need him. The only time he’s left the ward is to go the cafeteria downstairs or to use the bathroom.”

My heart flutters in my chest.

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