Page 57 of Tell Me Again

I’m laughing at his silly smile, and I shake my head as we both glance up at the monitor, where my once-encouraging lead continues to disappear. “Well, I guess I’m gonna need to double down then.”

His eyes seem to darken at my tease, and as I try to walk past him to the ball rack so I can take my turn, his arm loops around my waist. He pulls me to him and brushes his lips against my cheek.

“My competitiveness is completely immune to your sexy charms,” he whispers, his breath hot against my skin.

“Mmm, is that so?”

He grins and kisses me again. “Yep. That, and the Advil really helped. So thank you for that.” He straightens back up but doesn’t quite let me go.

And it’s amazing. My lips are still warm, my fingers tingly, my heart racing. Though that last one’s been true since the moment I saw him this morning.

His fingers press into my lower back, and his smile softens as he reaches up with his other hand to touch my cheek. “This is just...” He shakes his head slightly, as though he can’t find the words, and then he leans down one more time for another gentle kiss.

And just like the last one and the ones before that, his kiss is... loving. That’s the only way I can think to describe it. Like he wants to show me himself and show me I’m loved. And yeah, that’s probably a bit of fanciful thinking on my part, but I swear I can feel it.

I’m so caught up that laughter and voices from behind me don’t register right away. It’s not until there’s a distinct “Heyyyyyy, Coop!” that I remember where we are. And shit, there’s this uncomfortable rush in my chest that makes all the breath leave my lungs.

Before I even realize what’s happening, Coop’s backed up so I’m at arm’s length. Both of his hands hold me at my waist, and he’s studying me with concern. He frowns, then pastes a smile on his face and glances up over my shoulder.

“Hey, Marlene, Jackie! Nice to see you!”

There’s some response from whomever Marlene and Jackie are, and then Coop looks back at me, his eyes filled with worry. He shakes his head slightly as his fingers tighten on my waist, steadying me. “You okay?”

“Um, y-yeah, yeah. I’m—I’m okay.” I squeeze my eyes shut as I hear a damning echo of my father’s voice, angry and loud, screaming at me.

I should be ashamed—kissing another man.

I shouldn’t be doing this.

The feeling is a strong wave that rattles through me, not for the first time today. Although this might be the first time Coop’s really noticed it.

I force myself to take a deep breath, and when one of Coop’s hands slips around to my back and he pulls me in for a hug, I’m able to regain some kind of control and will those thoughts to just... go somewhere else. At least for now. My heart’s still racing, though.

“I-I’m sorry, Coop. I’m okay. It’s—it’s okay.”

“Okay. Ah, fuck, I’m sorry. That was too much, wasn’t it? It just all feels so good, you know? And I—” He pulls back out of the hug and glances toward the other end of the bowling alley before looking at me again with that same concerned expression.

“It’s okay,” I assure him, shaking my head. “I’m having such a great time, really. I think I just forgot that we’re not, um, alone...”

It’s true. I am having a great time. And Coop is being just amazing.

But there’s still this anxiety that just won’t really leave me, no matter what I do or tell myself. And those memories I have of my father screaming angry words of disgust at me—I’ve been trying all day to forget them, to tell myself that his words have no power over me anymore, to remind myself of Brenna’s soft voice of love and support and how wonderful that had felt. And mostly, I’ve been doing everything I can to let all the wonderful things I’m feeling for Coop drown out all the negative shit, because god, I want this and I need this. I love him, and I want to do everything in my power to show him that—even if that means doing the one thing that I’ve always been too terrified to ever consider.

I know I need to be honest with Coop about all these things. And I will. But right now, what I really, really want is to just try to regain whatever fun, silly vibe we’d had going before we were interrupted.

He slips his hand back into mine, although his eyes are asking me if that’s okay. I nod slightly, and he smiles. His hand feels warm, and there’s this comfort to his touch that pushes away the rest of my uncertainty as he laces his fingers through mine and squeezes lightly. It seems like he might want to say something—ask me a question, maybe—but he hesitates, and instead, he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses me. And god, that just makes everything that much better.

“I feel like”—he looks down at our hands, and his cheeks redden—“it’s maybe the best thing in the world to have my best friend back. I know this isn’t easy for you, and I’m scared too. But I’m really, really, really fucking happy that we’re doing this.”

I laugh lightly because I understand that sentiment completely. “Me too. I am too.”

And that makes him smile. He tips his head toward the ball rack and grins, and his tone turns playful again. “It’s still your turn. And since I intend to beat you in this game and at least one more before our time’s up...”

It’s silly. He’s silly. And I love that. I tighten my hand in his. “Your extreme competitiveness means you need to win four times?”

“Yup. At least.”

I manage another laugh, and his eyes seem to light up. And god, that’s worth it all. “I dunno. I think you’ve still got an advantage over me.”

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