Page 56 of Tell Me Again

“God, yes. This is much better.” I inhale a long breath and then let it out slowly, and he laughs a little as his hand squeezes my thigh.

“Um, I also need to be totally honest here,” he says quietly. Somehow I can tell he’s closed his eyes, but he shifts a little closer anyway. “I’m, um, completely terrified right now. I don’t... want to be scared anymore, but I don’t know how to do that.”

“How to not be scared?”

“Yeah. Um . . . Are you . . . out? Do people know you’re . . . ?”

“Gay?”

He nods, then he straightens up a bit so he’s no longer leaning on me, although his hand is still on my thigh. He can’t quite seem to look at me, but he glances around the bowling alley as the muscle in his jaw twitches.

We’re still the only ones here, but—oh, right. Fuck. We’re in a fucking public place, and he’s nervous and asking me if I’m out... Of course.

Of course he’s fucking terrified. I mean, given how his dad reacted to catching us kissing, and then how he treated me afterward... Knowing his dad, Josh was probably scared shitless. And you don’t just get over that overnight. You don’t just decide one day you’re done lying to yourself and the world and fucking flaunt your sexuality for everyone to see. At least, not without still being fucking terrified.

But I don’t wanna bring that up, and I don’t want this conversation to turn the wrong way because one thing I do actually know about first dates is that you want them to be happy. At minimum. Like, that’s as low as the bar should be set.

So instead, I do that thing he did yesterday that felt so good and comforting and real—I take his hand in mine and then bring it to my mouth and kiss his knuckles.

“I’m not really out,” I tell him, “but I’m not... not out either. I think people know, but since I’ve never dated, they don’t really, uh, know know.” I pause and squeeze his hand lightly. “And I don’t want you to be uncomfortable at all. So if you’re not ready to do this”—I give his hand another gentle squeeze—“we can just have a good time without—”

He frowns and looks down. It takes him a second to respond, but when he does, he shakes his head. “No, no, I don’t want...” He’s shaking, I think. Or at least, his voice is trembling. “I-I mean, I’m scared. This is really, really, um, not something I ever thought I’d do because—uh, yeah... But I really, really want to be done lying and done hiding, especially from you.”

It’s obviously taking a lot for him to admit all of this, and there seems to be more he wants to say, so I wait. He swallows hard and then looks up at me, and there’s a tiny smile as he lifts a trembling hand up to run his fingers along my jaw.

“I’m terrified, Coop. But I want . . .”

He’s looking at my lips, and there are so many emotions in his eyes right now, I can’t even be sure what he’s thinking.

“You want . . . ?”

He blinks and seems to drag his eyes away from my lips. “I want you to hug me or hold my hand or kiss me, if that’s what you want,” he says. “Even if—even if we’re in public.”

His hand settles on my neck, and there’s a rush of heat that spreads outward from my chest. God, it’s amazing. So fucking amazing.

“I do. I want to kiss you,” I admit with a groan. He grins, and his cheeks redden again. “God, especially when you do that. You’re so fucking adorably sexy. I’m not even sure that’s a thing. Can I call you that?”

Now he’s just laughing at me, and it’s even more adorable and even more sexy.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” he asks, and his hand on my neck draws me closer.

I groan again and nod, and there’s more heat and then some shiver of anticipation as I bring my hand up to mirror his, cupping his cheek gently. His skin is warm and smooth. And it only makes the fire in my chest burn hotter. We lean in toward each other, and our lips meet in a light kiss that’s just... everything. My whole body is both on fire and tingling, and his lips are this contrasting softness; they seem to soothe me with gentle, knowing caresses as he deepens the kiss only very briefly before pulling back.

I’m pretty sure I groan in protest—because, god, I just want more. And when I open my eyes again, he’s got this look of mischief to him. He glances over at the bowling lane and then back at me with some silly smirk.

“My plan to beat you at bowling is right on track. Step one: distract you with a kiss,” he says, and he keeps grinning at me as he straightens up and slips his shoes off.

“And... what’s step two?” My voice cracks again, and Josh winks, quickly puts on his bowling shoes, and then stands up as he unzips his coat.

He’s wearing black. Again. I mean. I think—I can’t think. But there’s this black sweater he’s wearing under his coat, and he’s still grinning in that adorably sexy way as he shrugs his coat off and then rolls up his sleeves and—

“Ohhhh, that’s step two. I like step two. I like step two a whole lot.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

Josh

Coop spins around, grinning. “Strike. Again. Your attempts to level the playing field—while greatly appreciated—have obviously not worked.”

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