Page 18 of Fierce Monarch

When I was done, numbness, blessed and quick, stole over me. At least until we found out if it was true, I wouldn’t have a moment when I felt clean ever again.

Nate had initially told me that he’d had a vasectomy some years ago, but going forward with the assumption everything he’d ever told me was a lie, I needed to assume that was too.

I wanted to ask if she really thought Nate would do that to me, then stopped. None of us knew Nate. His capabilities were limitless, and asking would only hurt more if it turned out to be true.

Dr. Grant bandaged me up, then took my bicep in her hands, poking and prodding at the implant. She asked a few questions before pulling out what looked to be a scanner of some sort, lifting it with an excited grin. “A new toy, thanks to you. You’ll be the first person I’ll use it on.”

I didn’t watch the screen, knowing I wouldn’t be able to tell a thing. Finally, Dr. Grant put me out of my misery. “It doesn’t look to be tampered with.”

Thank fuck.

She sat back, dropping the scanner back into her bag. “I think it’s best to replace it, just in case. I can do it here if you need.”

“Please.”

She said nothing, turning away to label the blood draw before moving on to cleaning the area again. I watched her until a single hard pound came at the door.

“Guest?” Dr. Grant asked.

I didn’t answer her, pulling my gun as I peered through the peephole again. Moore stood there, frowning down at a courier bag like it had personally offended him. I opened the door, keeping the gun out and ready. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s for you.”

As if I didn’t already know that. “Did you scan it?”

“Yeah. Twice.” I didn’t know why he was still frowning at the bag, and I didn’t have time to care. Propping the door open with my shoulder, I held out my empty hand, and the second he opened the bag to show the label on the box, I wished I hadn’t. “I can get rid of it if you want.”

I decided then and there that he was getting a raise. Instead of accepting the offer, I took the box and slammed the door behind me, the masochistic part of me rearing its ugly head.

Dr. Grant looked worried, but she didn’t need to be. Nothing in the box could hurt her; it only had the power to hurt me.

I holstered the gun and carried the box to the counter. I used a kitchen knife to open the tape, and inside the pristine packaging was another box with a luxury logo on it. A custom artisan jeweler that Aislynn had turned me on to.

Don’t do it, I told myself, staring at the thing that was my very own Pandora’s box. Don’t open it.

Even though I was positive there was no hope at the bottom, I had to see for myself. I needed closure.

My fingers shook as I unclasped the lock and lifted the lid.

Three rings sat on silk, each one polished to a high shine, matching but not quite identical. Like my soul knew which one would hurt the worst, I pulled out the center ring to see the words engraved on the band.

Forever.

Because I’d been about to offer him that. My life for his love. I thought it would be a simple trade for Nate, an easy one. I hadn’t expected this. Pain crippled me for a single second before I put the ring back, carefully closing the lid.

“Don’t move,” I told Dr. Grant, heading out the door with my prize in hand. As if shoving it into the back of my sock drawer would work for something so emotionally damaging.

He’ll never see it, part of me cried.

He didn’t want it, the other part said.

Back in the kitchen, I dropped into the chair and flung my arm onto the table, desperate to forget every thought of Nathaniel Beckstrom. “Let’s get this over with.”

A few hours later, with a bandage on my arm, a dose of painkillers in my body, and some sleeping pills in the bathroom just in case, I called the girls over. I’d asked my cousin to keep quiet about Nate, knowing that I wanted to tell Aislynn and Shara myself. The rings were a reminder that time wasn’t on my side.

Curling up on the couch felt like waiting for a death sentence. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to tell them I’d fucked up so bad. I didn’t want to rehash things with Nate.

I didn’t want it to be true.

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