Page 19 of Fierce Monarch

Dominic and Greyson hovered in the kitchen, banging pots, though not actually cooking. They just existed in the same space. I thought my trust issues with Nate would become theirs, yet as I watched them from the corner of my eye, knowing they were doing the same to me, I felt no worry. No fear, just gratitude.

I was grateful that they stayed, that they were honest, that they were here. Just so fucking grateful.

The knock came, and Dominic was halfway across the room before I could slip my hand under the pillow for my gun.

“Who is it?” He must’ve got the answer he wanted because the door swung open, and Ash walked in.

For a moment, Ash and I just looked at each other. In all the years I had known her, I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen her so happy. She looked like she was gliding on air, and a petty part of me was grateful I’d get to pop her bubble, even as I knew she’d never had this before. Misery loved company, after all.

And I got it.

While Ash hustled over to the couch, landing next to me and sweeping me into a major hug, Shara barreled through the room with a backpack that clinked suspiciously. Her eyes tightened as she looked me over, and I could only imagine what I looked like to them.

Could they see the heartbreak on my face? The slump of my shoulders and the tightness of my jaw? Could they feel the ache behind my breastbone like it was their own? Did they know?

The sympathy in Shara’s eyes said that she did.

I glanced at Greyson, and he grabbed Dominic by the shoulder, steering him out of the room with nothing more than a nod to me, and again, I was grateful. So fucking grateful for them.

When we were finally alone, I turned to Shara. “Who told you?”

“It’s not hard to figure it out. You’re missing a Musketeer.” She grimaced, despite the softness in her eyes. “That, and the rumors around town.”

Aislynn, who was resting her chin on my head, angled back, glancing between the two of us. “Rumors…missing a Musketeer, what the hell are you talking about? Did something happen while we were gone?”

Everything.

“Considering you’ve been very busy with your husband, I’m not surprised you don’t know.” The faint blush on Aislynn’s face told me just how busy she’d been, and I was happy for her. So fucking happy. I also wanted to die inside too.

There was only so much I could handle in a day, and I was rapidly hitting the point of no return, so I pulled the bandage off quick. “Nate is a Beckstrom.”

At my side, Ash pushed me away until she could see my face. “Are you shitting me?”

“Nope,” I said sadly, though part of me wished I were. That it was all just a cosmic joke.

“Nate is a Beckstrom,” Ash said quietly. I could practically see her mind whirling as she cursed. “My intel was wrong.”

“Yeah.” Her intel hadn’t mentioned Nate. No one’s had. He was a ghost, exactly what Cash needed him to be. Exactly what he’d trained to be.

Was the military a lie too?

Knowing I couldn’t go down that road, I focused on my friends. I could see Ash falling into her mafia princess role, thinking about the consequences of letting an Ace into my home. “I’ll reach out to my sources again. Somebody has to know something.”

“I’d appreciate it.” I filled them in on the rest, and when it was done, I leaned out of their hold, needing a little space. I felt hollowed out, but somehow better. There was something different about being held up by your girlfriends than being held up by your partners. Although I trusted Grey and Dominic, they just weren’t who I needed.

I looked up to see Ash frowning at Shara. “What’s your problem?”

I turned, and the look of pure heartbreak and regret hit me straight in the solar plexus. Then she grabbed my hands and squeezed.

“It’s my fault,” Shara said quietly. “I’m the one who pushed you toward him. I told you he was a good guy.”

“I made my own decisions,” I said, though the reminder hurt as much as it confused me. “He walked away from me, and I couldn’t let it go. I threw myself at him, while he refused all of my advances.”

That was the part that still didn’t make sense. Was it part of his game, prodding the part of my brain that wanted to chase? Had he needed to wait until he gained my trust or access to my home before he moved to the next phase? I didn’t want to believe that was true, but I didn’t want to believe any of it was true.

“The only person in charge of Nate’s actions was Nate,” I said firmly, cutting off Shara before she could speak. Aislynn’s eyes burned into me, and I realized I had a choice.

I could sit there and let the pain control me, or I could move on, push forward, and hope I could fix the mistake I’d made before it was too late.

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