Page 45 of Stepping Up

Nate came up to my other side and squeezed my hand, encouraging me to gush about the artist’s skill to him while Logan took Ella to get a funnel cake and Bennett talked to someone at a wood carving booth. Together, Nate and I marveled at the intricate brushstrokes of the gorgeous still life, lost in the beauty of the artist's creation. It was so special to share this creativity with him—his medium was food, but he was no less an artist than I was.

As the afternoon sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a warm glow over the scene before us, I couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over me. Here, surrounded by art and love, I knew that anything was possible as long as these incredible men were surrounding me and my daughter on all sides.

We made our way closer to an area where a local band was playing music, and people were dancing. Lost in the magic of the moment, I found myself drawn to the music drifting from the stage, swaying to the upbeat rhythms. Logan’s hand reached out to mine as if drawn by an invisible force. Without a word, we moved together to the rhythm of the music, our bodies swaying in perfect harmony. The world around us seemed to fade away as we danced, caught up in the simple joy of being together.

Ella's infectious giggles echoed through the crowd as she started to dance with Nate and Bennett, too, their smiles lighting up the space around them. Watching them as I held tight to Logan’s large, warm body, I couldn't help but feel a swell of happiness in my chest. This was what family looked like—laughter, love, and a sense of togetherness that transcended blood ties or societal conventions.

As I stole another glance at Nate, Bennett, and Ella, twirling and laughing in their own little world, a sense of unease began to gnaw at the edges of my happiness. It was a familiar feeling, one born of years spent navigating life's uncertainties on my own, expecting the worst instead of hoping for the best. But today, surrounded by the people I loved most in the world, it felt like an unwelcome intruder I was desperate to shake off.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink,” I told Logan when our song ended. I accepted a kiss on the cheek as I left the grassy dance area, hoping to quash the stupid anxiety trying to ruin an otherwise perfect afternoon. I left Ella in the capable hands of the guys as I wandered through the fair alone, my thoughts swirling in a chaos I couldn’t even pin down. That's when I passed a booth selling lovely, unique ceramic pieces that caught my eye. The brown-skinned woman working the booth approached me, and with a jolt of surprise, I recognized her as Yasmine, a blast from the past from my college days. She and Danielle, my then-roommate, had been sorority sisters, and Yasmine was a fellow art major. We’d worked together in the studio many nights, talking through our artistic visions for the future.

Yasmine’s smile was warm and genuine as she greeted me, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Carly, oh, my goodness, it's been ages!" she exclaimed, coming around to the outside of the booth so she could pull me into a tight hug. Her slim dancer’s body jangled with all the jewelry she wore, and her wide grin eased my nonsensical worries for a moment. "Look at you, all grown up and stunning as ever! I can’t believe it’s been so long.”

I returned her hug, a small smile playing on my lips. "Yasmine, it's so good to see you! How have you been?"

Her eyes lit up. “Oh, fabulous. My art has kept me sane over the past few years. It’s not much, but getting to sell a few pieces here and there and man a booth at events like this… it’s amazing. As for the money part… well, I’m getting there.” She laughed like tinkling bells.

I recognized the minor scale of her artistic career even as she launched into tales of her endeavors with the tone of someone recounting their summit of Mount Everest. Her passion for ceramics was evident in every word she spoke, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of envy stir within me. Small though they were, she had found some successes in the field we’d both always hoped to pursue. I was sometimes making money as a wedding photographer, sure, but I hadn’t even been prioritizing that in recent weeks. If Yasmine’s career was small, where did that leave me, boothless and hardly finding time to take photos at all anymore?

"And what about you, Carly?" Yasmine asked, her gaze curious. "I remember how talented you were in our art classes. Are you still pursuing photography?"

Christ, I wished she hadn’t asked that question. The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of unspoken dreams and aspirations. I hesitated, my mind racing as I struggled to find the right words to respond.

"I… I've taken a bit of a break from it, actually," I admitted, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. "Life has been busy with my daughter Ella, and… and other things." Namely, three hot men who had been taking up most of the space in my brain I might have otherwise used to focus on my work.

Yasmine nodded sympathetically, her expression understanding. "I get it, life has a way of taking us down unexpected paths. But don't give up on your dreams, Carly. You were always meant for great things."

Her exuberance served as a stark reminder of the dreams I had set aside, the passion for photography that still burned within me despite the years of neglect. But as much as I longed to pursue my artistic ambitions, a sense of responsibility weighed heavily on my shoulders—a responsibility to provide for Ella, to ensure her future was secure and stable.

"I wouldn’t say I’ve given up," I assured Yasmine, forcing a smile that felt hollow on my lips. "Just… things change, you know? In fact, I've just been offered a promotion at work—a managerial position. It's a big step, but I think it's the right move for me and Ella."

Christ, had I just decided to take the job Logan had only sort of offered me what felt like forever ago? And why did I feel conflicted about it if it seemed like the right move in a practical sense?

Yasmine's eyes widened in surprise, a smile lighting up her face. "That's wonderful news, Carly! Congratulations!"

The words tasted bitter on my tongue as I forced myself to return her smile. "Thank you. It's… it's a big opportunity, and I think it's time for me to start thinking about Ella's future."

In reality, the thought of accepting the promotion filled me with a sense of dread and grief that threatened to consume me. The prospect of trading my dreams for a comfortable paycheck felt like a betrayal of everything I had once held dear. But my old friend’s words echoed in my mind as we said our goodbyes, the weight of unfulfilled ambitions settling heavily on my shoulders. As I rejoined Logan, Nate, Bennett, and the now-sleeping Ella, who was thrown over Logan’s capable shoulder, a sense of determination settled over me. No matter the sacrifices I had to make, I would do whatever it took to ensure Ella’s happiness and security.

I felt sure, all of a sudden, that I’d been spending too much time lately with my head in the clouds. Following my bliss the way my mom always had. Getting entangled in an unconventional relationship with three men and letting myself be consumed by a fantasy future that likely wasn’t even possible. If I kept going down this path, God only knew where Ella and I would end up—a copy of my mom and me before Ella ever came along, history repeating itself. And no matter how much it felt like things had changed for me lately, that was still the one thing I wanted least in this world.

28

LOGAN

Time had a habit of going on, especially, as the saying said, when one was having fun. And apparently, I was having entirely too much fun with Carly Sanders lately. Maybe that was why my grand reopening event at work had snuck up on me so quickly despite all the preparation I’d been putting in for weeks before this.

I wasn’t even sure fun was what I should call what Bennett, Nate, and I had been doing with Carly. Sure, it was fun to spend time with her, naked or not, though especially when I got to watch her come. But to call it “fun” felt reductive, too small a word to contain the multitude of emotions and experiences I’d been living through since that first night Carly and I had slept together. Everything had grown out of control since then. But for once, I was happy to relinquish control.

Regardless, now that it was the big night I’d been working toward, the usual nuclear levels of stress I expected to be feeling were much more manageable. It was all thanks to Carly, I knew.

The party was starting soon, so I tracked down Nate in the kitchens, which were shining and pristine. Even though Nate could be a slob in his own home, his kitchen was always spotless, and especially tonight. I found him meticulously scrubbing a smudge off the front of his expensive commercial stovetop, his chef’s coat blindingly white under the fluorescents.

“I think you missed a spot,” I teased him in my usual deadpan way, not cracking a smile. Nate looked up at me, smirking even as he narrowed his eyes.

“Alright, bro, I get it. Christ, I’m turning into some anal-retentive freak like you.” He straightened up to his full height and smiled more normally. “Ready for the big night?”

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