Page 43 of The Pucking Grump

But beyond them lies a world to redeem

Keep pushing forward, keep believing, never waiver

In the world out there, find your fervent savior

Beyond the dreams that you so tightly clasp

A guiding light awaits, within your grasp.

I’ve never had an audience listen to me so quietly before. Still, I feel empowered. I repeat the verse, and as I sing, a dam breaks in me and gives rise to the biggest of releases.

For the first time in my life, I’m singing my truth.

And it feels better than I could have ever imagined.

The audience stays silent for a good ten seconds after I finish. And then, just when my euphoria is starting to take a hike downward, a singular applause tears through the silence. And then another. And another. Suddenly, I’m receiving a standing ovation, as even more cameras flash in my direction.

Tears prick my eyes. Not the first time I’ve been shown an overwhelming amount of love, but this is the only time it has ever mattered. The lights come up, and I see the audience, ranging from old to young, with a good smattering of older men. Most of them probably don’t even know who I am, but they like me all the same.

It means more than I could have ever dared to hope for.

I automatically turn around, glancing at Blake. I can see him more clearly now. He’s still on the side, but he’s no longer frowning. Instead, there’s a small smile on his face and a glitter in his eyes that tells me he approves.

Beyond the dreams that you so tightly clasp

A guiding light awaits, within your grasp.

I exhale. It feels impossible, but I’ve got to be honest with myself.

And admit that the last line of my song is mostly about Blake.

The MC comes on stage to give me a hug, smiling obsequiously. I ignore him. I ignore everyone. In this moment, the only person I can pay attention to is Blake.

Giving the guitar back to the MC, I walk away from the stage in my moment of half-blindness. Blake is staring at me, watching me come closer. My heart beats faster with every step I take. Finally, I’m standing in front of him.

“Way to make a comeback,” he says.

Standing on my toes, I kiss him. I didn’t plan to, but nothing has felt as right as that first brush against his lips does. He kisses me back, his arms coming around me.

But then he backs away, his arms falling from my body. He stares at me, his face aghast. I’m confused, but only for a moment.

When I turn around, I can see it. And hear it. People screaming at us with glee, sounding like so much more than the fifty people I can see. Dozens of cameras winking in our direction.

My brain shuts off and collapses.

Blake has done nothing but be outstandingly generous toward me since the moment I fell into his arms.

And I just ruined his life.

15

UNEXPECTED ENCORE

“It’s kind of funny, you’ve got to admit.”

I push my palm against the headache that’s kicking up a storm in my skull. “Say that again, and I’m going to throttle you.”

This is the first time I’ve said something like that to my younger sister. But it’s also the first time I’ve actually felt this frustrated.

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