Page 42 of The Pucking Grump

In your embrace, I’m whole again.”

Shame breaks over my skin like welts as Blake stirs beside me. The audience is completely silent, but they could as well be booing and screaming at me, and I wouldn’t feel worse.

This girl, like many others, bought into the fantasy I sold them. One that was nothing other than a lie. And now, even after the social media stink I’ve gotten, she’s still holding on to the truth she believes from my songs.

I’ve never been more embarrassed.

“Told you,” Blake says behind me. “You still got fans.”

I ignore him. For the first time, I’m realizing that I’d rather be widely hated than widely loved for a bunch of lies.

She sings the song to completion, and as she ends to a round of applause, I feel determination overwhelm my shame. I’m tired of skulking in the shadows, of letting the world run with whatever version of the truth they think is right.

It’s time for me to come out.

“That was amazing, but I do have something to say about the song choice,” the MC booms. His words steel my determination even further. “Alright, anyone else? Last call for tonight.”

I stand up.

“What are you doing?” Blake hisses.

Without responding, I walk up to the stage. I’ve done this a million times before in a million different arenas, all of them with a lot more people than this. And yet, as I come out of the shadows and into the light, I feel as though it’s my first time.

Because it’s the first time I’m going to speak my truth.

The moderator eyes me with amusement. “Not another love song,” he groans, and the audience cackles.

I yank Blake’s baseball cap off my head, letting my hair fly free. “Can’t promise anything.”

His jaw drops to the floor. “Faye? FAYE STRUMMER?”

Everyone goes wild. The girl who just sang comes rushing back up, screaming about how she loves me. From the audience, I can hear a mix of boos and jeers, along with some people screaming for dear life. Cameras are flashing in my direction.

I’m completely undeterred. Seizing the mic, I say, “Hi, everyone. I have a song to sing tonight. It’s a new one.”

The place remains in an uproar. I glance over at Blake. His face is mostly hidden in shadow, but I can spot the set of his shoulders and the dark frown on his lips. He’s also standing, probably seconds from marching out of the place. I feel a bite of remorse. I understand why he’s mad.

Still, I know I’ve got to do this.

It takes several minutes to enforce calm, including holding back the people who are trying to run up on the stage. Finally, the bar is almost quiet, and I have a chance to speak.

I take a deep breath and start, “The past few weeks have been about the hardest I’ve faced in all my life. I’m coming slowly out of it, and I’ve got a new song that I’d like to share.”

The place is completely silent now. The MC runs back to the stage, pushing a guitar toward me. I hesitate. Songwriting comes naturally to me, but I did not prepare for this at all. As I start playing the first few chords, I close my eyes for a moment, the song that has been living in my head for the past few days bubbling out.

Have you ever chased a dream, so bright?

Every morning, rising with the light

Striving to make it real, to live your grand scheme

When everything crumbles, you feel the extreme

But hold on tight, it’s not the end

No matter what they say or decree

Dreams may begin in sleep’s serene stream

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