Page 25 of Shattered Mates

I knew he wasn’t okay. I knew that his lack of care had gone too far, but I didn’t pull him out when I had the chance. He was making too much progress. He was saving dozens of supernaturals at a time. My mind only wanted to see the bigger picture. Until it was too late.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Amersyn throws her hands up in the air. “You’re being ridiculous.”

I snarl at her. “I’m being respectful.”

“They sent Andie here to get us,” she reminds me for the fifth time. “They want us there, and that includes you. Nobody blames you, Maciah. Stop trying to be a martyr.”

“Who is they?” I step into her personal space, my face only inches from hers. “Because we haven’t been included in anything for over a year. Why now?”

She sighs and grips my face tightly. “I’ve already told you. There hasn’t been anything to be invited to. And it’s happening now because there’s a reason to get everyone together, one we shouldn’t miss out on.”

I jerk my head out of her hold and start walking away. “Just go without me. You’re who they really want there.”

Something heavy slams into my back, then thuds against the carpet in my office. I turn around slowly, my eyes on the ground. “Did you just throw a stapler at me?”

I return my gaze to Amersyn. Her arms are crossed, and her left brow raised. “I did, and if you don’t want the letter opener protruding from your skull next, then you’ll quit being such a pain in my ass.”

She stomps toward me, but I hold my hand out. “You don’t understand.”

Her laughter is thrown in my face. “I don’t understand? Me? Your mate, the one who has stood by your side these past few years as I’ve watched guilt eat you alive?” Her chuckle grows darker. “You think I don’t understand. Right. Okay.”

She starts to storm off, but I grab her wrist. “Amersyn, wait.”

My mate whirls around and shoves me back. “No. I’ve been doing that and I’m done. I love you, Maciah—more than anyone else in the world—but this has to end. You need to pull your head out of your ass and see that there isn’t a single person who blames you for what happened to River.”

They might not, but none of them know that I could have saved him and chose not to. I chose to let him continue down his dark path. I sacrificed someone important to all of us to save the kidnapped supernaturals. I did that, and I don’t deserve to be surrounded by the family I wronged.

Amersyn’s fingers grab fistfuls of my white dress shirt. “Damn it, Maciah! Talk to me. You’ve been shutting me out for long enough, and I’m done. Don’t make me go with Andie alone. Don’t make me leave you behind. Tell me what’s really bothering you.”

The words stay lodged in my throat. They’re the only secret I have from my mate. My guilt, my shame, the hate I have for myself for choosing strangers over River, someone who trusted me to keep him safe.

Tears pool in my mate’s heavy gaze. I can’t remember the last time I saw her cry, and her pain pours into me like a savage storm. “Please, Maciah.”

I hate hurting her, but more than that, I’m afraid she’ll hate me when she learns the truth of what I did. Except, staring into her eyes, knowing how I’m hurting her, I know I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep this secret and keep her trapped here. It’s not fair, and Amersyn deserves better than that, better than me.

My stare casts down to the floor, unable to look at her as I speak. “I could have saved him. About two years ago, I knew things had gone too far. I should have pulled River out then, but we were so close to finishing this and there were still people to save. I chose them over our family. I’m the reason he?—”

Amersyn tightens her hold on me, giving me a solid shake. “Look at me, Maciah.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to do as she’s demanding.

“You stubborn, stubborn vampire.” She sighs. “Fine, then you’ll listen. River made his choice to go undercover, he made the choice to take that potion, and knowing that boy, he would do it all over again to save those people. Even if you had the chance to pull him out of that situation, he wouldn’t have let you.”

My head snaps up. “You don’t know that.”

“And neither do you,” she says pointedly. “We can’t change the past. We can only hope for a better future. What matters most now is that River is fine and there is no longer a human threat to our communities. That’s what you should be focused on, not the things we can no longer change. River has asked for you. Don’t make him feel as if you don’t care by not showing up.”

Her last words slash at my chest like a venomous snake. I want to believe she’s right, but I’ve spent so many months blaming myself that I don’t know how to focus only on the future. I don’t want to make things worse by showing up and…

There’s a soft knock on my office door, and I scent Andie waiting on the other side.

“It’s time, Maciah,” Amersyn says, flattening my shirt back out and staring up at me with all the love in the world. “Come with me and see for yourself. I promise, if you feel any sort of resentment, we will leave together, and I’ll let you keep wallowing without giving you anymore shit. But when you receive nothing but love from our family, you need to promise me that you’ll work on moving past this guilt. I’ve missed you, Maciah, and I need you to find a way back to me, please.”

A new wave of shame plows into me, making me suck in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry, Amersyn. I’m so fucking sorry.” I pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her until I can’t tell where she begins and I end. “I’m going to be better. I’ll be better. I promise.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs, then looks up at me with shiny eyes and a half smile. “I love you.”

“I love you more than life itself.” My lips brush over hers and even though I don’t really want to, I say, “We should go.”

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