Page 24 of Shattered Mates

“It’s okay,” I tell her sincerely. “I’ve already prepared myself for having this conversation many times over again.”

She waves a hand. “Just tell Dawsyn. She’ll make sure nobody bothers you.”

“It’s not a problem.” I shrug as we enter her home.

The place is a lot like Jules’. Though, that’s not surprising. I remember most of these cabins all being similar. One or two bedrooms, a bathroom, a moderate living area, and a kitchen. Nothing fancy, but just enough to be comfortable.

Lexi shakes her head. “You’ve always been too kind for your own good, River. I spent a lot of months after you saved my friends being thankful you never lost that trait, but when are you going to put yourself first? I hope now, because you and Jules deserve that.”

Her question weighs down on me. Putting others first has always come naturally to me, but I also know she’s right. I’m going to need to make some changes in my life if I’m going to get things where I want them, with Jules by my side.

She grabs two cups of coffee from the kitchen counter and gestures toward the oak table on our left. “Have a seat.” She slides a green mug toward me. “One spoon of sugar, no milk. Is that still how you like your coffee?”

“How in the world do you remember that?” Hell, I don’t even remember that until she says so.

She grins and taps her temple. “It’s like an iron trap in here. Some days that’s a curse, but after recovering from the shit they pumped into me, I swore to never take my memory for granted. It was over a year after finding my way here that I finally felt like myself again.”

I reach across the table and place my hand over hers. “I’m sorry I never went looking for you. They said that you’d?—”

She cuts me off. “What happened to me is in the past, River. I’ve healed and moved on, and I’ve never been happier. All you need to worry about is doing the same for yourself. Find grace and patience and love for you. There’s no denying how much everyone else already has that for you, but that’s not what’s important for your healing.”

I take a sip of the coffee and try to lighten the mood. “What happened to the daredevil that thought consequences didn’t exist?”

“She spent fifteen years trapped in a cage, being drugged.”

That backfired rather quickly.

“I’m so?—”

She holds a hand up. “I already told you. I’m fine.”

“Fair enough.” I set my mug back down on the table, deciding to try and change the subject another way. “I heard you and Jules have become friends.”

Lexi’s grin widens. “She’s quite the woman. A little young, but you’ve always been younger at heart than the rest of us. The two of you will be good together.”

She’s not wrong about that, and the reminder of Jules has me rubbing my chest. The need to run back to her, touch her, and just be near her is almost maddening. It wasn’t like this before, but I knew I couldn’t have Jules back then. Maybe that’s the difference. Maybe I wouldn’t have needed the potion to keep me away. Maybe I could have…

I take a deep inhale, and Lexi reaches for me. “It’s going to be okay, Riv. You’ll get through this. We’ll all make sure of it.”

When I meet her steady gaze, I nod. “Thanks, Lexi.”

“The four of us will do dinner this week,” she says, standing up. “For now, go be with your mate and keep your head clear. When you can’t, lean on your wolf. He’ll be your second-best ally after Jules.”

I take her advice to heart since I have firsthand knowledge of what she went through. Though I was never trapped in a cage, I was still trapped in my own hell.

I give her a hug, and she whispers in my ear, “Don’t think about the things you did. Remember the people you saved. Focus on your future and all the good things that have yet to pass.”

“I will. I promise.”

And I mean that. Not for Lexi or even Jules, but for myself. She’s right. I need to find who I am again.

Not the monster I had to be while I was gone, but the man I am meant to be.

Chapter Twelve

Maciah

“Isaid no.” My tone is nearly as sharp as my fangs, but Amersyn isn’t understanding. I won’t be welcome at the reunion with River. I’m the one that sent him away, the one who handed him the potion and continued to send him subsequent doses while ignoring all the signs that something was wrong.

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