Page 78 of Camera Shy

“No, you go for it,” I say, refusing to take it.

“You only have one. I don’t want to take it from you.”

I squeeze her shoulder suggestively and wink. “Take it. I’ll make you earn it later… As in I’d really like to give you another private lesson tonight if you’re up for it.”

“Aren’t you exhausted? Lennox said you were in Scottsdale today. I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“A little. I left at about six this morning. Scottsdale is about five hours away if traffic is decent. But lunch didn’t take long.”

Avery crinkles her forehead and looks at me head-on. “You drove five hours each way in one day and now you want to have sex?”

I study her pinched expression. “Why is that weird?”

She opens the can, and the hiss of carbonated beverage fills the silence between us. After taking a little sip, she says, “Because ‘I’m too tired’ was Mason’s favorite excuse, I guess.” It’s a rare moment when I can see how Avery is feeling. She’s not as impervious as everyone thinks.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” Her eyes are forward and steady; she’s lost in an unpleasant memory.

“Was it just your sex life, or was your entire relationship with Mason disappointing? And before you make some ridiculous self-deprecating comment, I’ve had sex with you, Avery. I can say with full confidence the problem wasn’t you.”

“I’m not convinced,” she says with a scoff. “Look, honestly? I guess I didn’t put my best foot forward. I never wanted to be a girl who found validation in how she looked. I don’t think that makeup, sexy clothes, or my weight should be the most direct path to a man’s heart. I wanted to be loved for me—my mind, my generosity, my work ethic, my loyalty… But I wonder if sometimes I brought out the worst in Mason by neglecting something that is fundamentally important in a relationship.”

“Which is?”

“Attraction…on every level. Maybe when you love someone, you’re supposed to be your best for them, not just be comfortable around them. I don’t know. We never talked about it. I’ll never know how Mason was feeling. I’m not even sure if I know how I was feeling. I was too busy to stop and think about it.” She takes another swig and sets the can aside.

“How do you feel now?” I clear my throat. “About your breakup?”

She playfully rolls her eyes at me. “Well, Dr. Phil, obviously I feel sad.”

“Do you? Because I’ve never seen someone so analytical about a relationship ending. Especially when it was so abrupt. You said everything was fine, then he pulled the rug out from under you. You should be hurting, crying—”

“I did cry,” she interrupts. “I was on your lap, remember?”

“You were upset when you thought he cheated,” I explain. “But how do you feel about the actual breakup? You ran away for the summer, and you’re living here alone, yet you’re acting so nonchalant. It’s a little bizarre.”

She turns and then digs through the bag of snacks. Pulling out a bag of salt and vinegar chips, she asks, “May I? These are my favorite.”

“You may… And you can also answer my question if you’d like.” I raise my brows at her.

“Fine,” she says, dropping the bag of chips and covering her face with both hands. I immediately regret my pushiness when I see her frustrated reaction. “I’m so fucking freaked out, Finn.”

“Well, that’s norm—”

“No!” She flicks the water in my direction and it hits my neck. “Not because we’re not together, but how relieved I am. I didn’t know. I literally didn’t know I was unhappy until Mason said it. And yes, my pride is hurt. Yes, my ego is wounded and of course, I’m embarrassed he blamed it on sex. But all that will fade in time. What freaks me out is, what if he never said it? What if he didn’t dump me? I absolutely would’ve married him. I would’ve been on my death bed never knowing I was unhappy. So, yes, I’m a little stunned right now because I’m running every single scenario in my mind and realizing how fucked-up it was. I thought I was being a good woman. Everything I did was to make him feel comfortable. He’s a slow-moving guy, so I learned to be patient. He’s impressed with a woman who works, so I built us a business from the ground up. He said he didn’t like materialistic, shallow women, so I didn’t spend my time and energy on that stuff. But here we are, four years later, and I don’t know who I am. I just know who Mason wanted me to be. And spoiler alert—being exactly what he said he wanted still wasn’t enough to keep him.”

I blink at her, shocked at her candidness. How is she talking to me like this? Is this real? Women are just vulnerable and honest without being manipulative and playing mind games? Is this a thing? Where the fuck have you been, Avery?

“I don’t know whether to say I’m sorry or I’m happy for you.”

She snorts. “Right? That’s exactly how I feel. Look, Finn, I know how I’m coming off, like I’m on the verge of a psychotic break—but that’s not what this is. I’m thirty years old. I’m not a child and I know it isn’t Mason’s responsibility to patch up my insecurities. But it is my job to figure out what I want and what I like. That’s hard for me. I’ve been a people pleaser since the day I was born. Ask my mom. She said even as an infant I wouldn’t cry if I was hungry or wet. I came out of the womb trying not to bother anybody.”

I laugh, making the water jostle. “I had colic. I came into this world guns blazing and ready to torture my poor mom with my constant screaming. Or so she says.”

Avery reaches up to tap my nose. “I don’t doubt it. You are unapologetic about being you. I love that. I like your confidence. I’m just hoping you rub off on me before summer is over so I don’t end up changing for the next guy I end up with, you know?”

Next guy? How come I hate when she says that? Aren’t I the next guy? “You wouldn’t have liked me much if you saw me with my ex. I was a different guy. Much like you, I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until I ended it for good.” I run my wet hand through my hair.

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