Page 79 of Lost In London

Am I ready to be committed to London in wholeness?

Saying yes was right at the tip of my tongue but the more I sat with the question the more I realized that I was walking into this part of London’s life blind. I’ve been so focused on trying to get her to see her worth and understand the purpose birthed within her that we never talked much about past lovers or family in great detail. She knew all about India and I knew about Elgin but that was it. Knew about her brother Landon and their current feud but had no idea about the prior issues that boiled over to make them not want to be on speaking terms.

Talk of her parents never happened and I didn’t share much about mine either. We were moving backwards, zooming through the traffic of our love that I hadn’t taken the time to really get to know her.

I was so lost in London that anything outside of what she gave me didn’t matter.

On top of wanting to know the extent of her relationship with Theo - was he a past lover that she left in New York with no resolution? Cassian willingly gave me information regarding her family when I called him to get her address. It’s like he was relieved when I called and told him that I was heading to New York to be there for her. He said it was better that I went than him because he was liable to shoot one of her family members since they were always on some dumb shit when it came to her.

I should’ve been plagued with the uncomfortableness of anxiety due to the unknown of what I was about to walk into, but I wasn’t. When I made the vow and commitment to protect her and love her, that meant also covering the unknown of what I wasn’t familiar with. Trust me, part of me wanted to walk back out of this hospital after signing in and getting my visitor pass. Part of me wanted to walk around the city and text her that I was here once she left, but I wasn’t a coward.

Gym bag on my shoulder, I watched the elevator floor numbers become higher. Two floors from the one her dad was on the muscles around my chest became tight. Neck became stiff and finger-tips tingly. These feelings of distress weren’t my own. They were London’s.

All of my anxiousness to leave went out the window as I became consumed with despair. It was so easy to decipher my feelings from hers. She still carried dark clouds and those feelings of depression knocked me on my ass. When she opened up and accepted my position in her life, not just as her man but her covering and gardener to plant seeds for her to grow. It’s like this cord of cleaving had been weaved between our souls.

I felt what she felt.

So caught up in my mission of wanting to reach her, I almost passed by the waiting room. I’d texted her earlier and she mentioned her dad would be going through a series of tests today before they released him. From where I stood I could see her clear as day but with the door slightly closed she couldn’t see me. There were about ten other people sitting with her. None that I recognized.

“Your parents gave you everything and you embarrass them like this.” An older woman kissed her teeth chewing gum all loud and disgusting.

My baby sat in a corner rocking with her arms wrapped around her middle and head damn near in her lap. This wasn’t my London.

“Tam, I don’t know why you’re wasting your time. She’s always been ungrateful and getting into trouble. Just like the rest of your heathen ass cousins.” I couldn’t see the face of that voice but she sounded just as disgusting as the other woman.

“Damn, Aunty.” A guy around my age sitting two seats down from London lifted his head from his phone frowning. “Don’t pay them no mind, Lo. Aunty Jackie just mad she can’t hop on that demon time like us.”

“Hush, Evan. So what else have you been doing with yourself?” The woman known as Tam tooted her nose up in the air making my jaw clench. My hands were already in fist ready to knock all their asses out. “Still maxing out credit cards that aren’t yours I see.”

I had enough.

I saw enough.

I heard enough.

Any doubt I had about knowing all layers of London that included her family had been answered right here. I can see why she never talked about them, why she didn’t want me to know that part of her life. These people were disgusting and stepping in that waiting room taking a closer look, my body started trembling in anger. So much jealousy.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood when Jackie sat forward eyeing me. There was so much wickedness on that woman that my stomach started turning. Next to her were two girls that looked like teenagers. What I saw in their eyes, seeing things that they endured at the hands of the woman next to them, I had to look away and up at the ceiling. This entire place needed to be burned down and turned into ashes.

“London.” I became the object of everyone’s attention but my gaze was focused on her. I needed to get her out of here. These people were going to corrupt her into drowning back in the old things that no longer had a voice in her life.

I rocked on my heels watching her breathing become shaky and choppy. She was still connected to me. Head popping up, eyes lighting up, she ran to me. Feeling her body shake in my arms, I wished death on every person in here. I’d ask for forgiveness later.

“What are you doing here? I’m so happy that you came.” Her voice cracked amongst her rambling. Each time I tried to pull her back to look in her face she held me tighter. She was shaking so hard. “Not yet. Just hold me please.” She begged, sniffling.

“Well, who are you?” Tam looking like I was beneath her only fueled my anger more. “Another one of her lovers?” London flinched in my arms. This time she tried to remove herself from me but I wasn’t having that.

“Don’t let these people plant weeds in your garden, London.” Kissing her cheek calmed her trembles. “Look at me.” I barely gave her space to adjust. I wanted to keep her in the firmness of my chest where they couldn’t reach her. “I see you, and when I see you I don’t see past lovers. You are the thunder that rolls in the sky because you are that powerful. You’re the glass created when lightning strikes twice. You’re the wind, forever changing the course of direction just by existing. You’re the mother to my nature, controlling when I rise and when I fall. Don’t ever let the venom of snakes tilt your crown. You are royalty, baby.”

“Well, damn.”

“Shit. Does he have a brother?”

“I’m glad this one has some sense and is a man.” Jackie wasn’t worth confronting. She was going to rot in her karma.

“I’m glad I have some sense too so I don’t let foolishness and stupidity come out of my mouth when no one asked for you to speak in the first place.” Kissing London’s nose rewarded me with a wide smile. “I’ve stood there for fifteen minutes and listened to you use your words to do nothing but tear her down when I’m sure if we took a peek in your grass we’d see your filth and stones that will never be thrown.”

Keeping London behind me, I addressed everyone in the room one final time before we left. “When you see her, if nothing coming out of your mouth is positive, don’t even look her way. Better yet don’t even speak to her at all. The death you’ve spoken and breathed over her life won’t continue. If you have a problem, speak to me. If you wanna talk to her, call me. Wanna wish her a happy birthday, I’ll pass the message along. Don’t call her for anything. Don’t speak to her in passing. If you interrupt her peace of mind again. If her eyes dimmer just a little bit. If her shoulders sag just an inch.” I chuckled, running a hand over my head. “Love will make you do some crazy shit to defend the honor and respect of those you love. Please test me.”

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