Page 102 of Lost In London

“Enough, Luna!” He yelled, making me flinch. “Do you know why Quest is so angry with you?”

“No. Nobody will tell me.” She squeaked.

“He’s what Sojourn is to you.” She gasped with big droplets falling from her eyes. “Oh, you get it now. What man wants to hear that his woman is about to relieve the worst pain she’s ever felt in front of the world because of someone trying to gain something they’ll never have? I’m so angry and disappointed in you. This is so much bigger than what your eyes can see and before you say that if we kept you in the loop you wouldn’t have to go searching, let me explain something to you.”

He leaned down until his menacing mug was right in her face. “You are not me, Luna. Not a soul walking this earth has a heart pumping with fear hearing your name. Why? Because you are nobody but my child, and you thinking that you’ll gain the respect of gangstas and thugs by doing the shit you're doing is only going to make your mother pull out her black dress. What you’ve done is put an innocent woman in danger because of your pride. Sojourn has every right not to include you in his business because you’re nothing but a liability. A cancerous tumor driven by her own greed and lusts that she’ll stab her friend in the back just to say she earned a stripe. What did exposing Dove’s father give you? What did you gain? Not a motherfuckin’ thing. Do you understand that God forbid, she gets killed, her death will be on your hands? Let this be the last time you insert yourself where you aren’t needed or wanted. Do you understand me?” She nodded, crying.

“I asked you a question so answer me in words.” He seethed.

“Yes, sir.”

“Benny is going to take you and London home while Quincey and I try to calm Quest down and move Dove to safety. I really can’t believe you did this. I really can’t.” He walked off cursing and shaking his head.

“I’ll call you!” Quincey yelled out the window as it sped out of the parking lot.

“Oh my God. What have I done, London?” Luna asked curling up in the backseat.

Where to even begin?

“You did exactly what you said you did. Got yourself in some deep shit.”

Lord, please let Dove be okay.

I started the year off uncertain of if I’d see the end of it.

When depression becomes your only breathing source you don’t find hope or optimism for the future. Trying to get through twenty-four hours without losing your mind is a job within itself. So much has changed in my life in a matter of months. I met the man of my dreams, strengthened my relationship with God, fell in love with myself, and watched my business reach levels I thought would take years to accomplish.

However, while there were good times, there were also bad times.

I lost more than I ever thought I would.

Lost a piece of my heart which caused me to live in a constant state of soreness from the never-healing bruise in my chest.

My relationship with my dad has become better than I ever thought. We talk every day multiple times a day. He’s doing so much better and even moved down here last week to be closer to me and Landon. But what surprised me most was him stepping in as my wedding planner. Yep, my dad was helping me plan everything. From the flowers to picking out my cake, he’s been there and I loved sharing this experience with him so much. Landon and I were moving slow too. He’s apologized countless times and we even started back having our weekly dinners but I’m on guard when it comes to him.

Then there was my mother. She was over the moon excited about moving closer to Landon and being able to love on LJ whenever she wanted to. She and I haven’t talked much since she told me how selfish I was for leaving right after my dad got released from the hospital. She became even more in her feelings when she found out my dad was with me when I went to Atlanta to get fitted for my dress.

You would’ve thought I went on Oprah and damaged her character by the dramatic crying show she put on. She thought just because she was my mother she was automatically supposed to be the one involved in my wedding planning process. That may be the way tradition is set up but that wasn’t happening around here.

Why would I torture myself, suffer in one of the happiest moments, just to keep a tradition alive?

Nope.

I wanted the people who loved me and supported me and my man around.

I would’ve loved for Cassian and my mom to have been there when I saw my custom dress for the first time. I would’ve loved for them to be there through the entire process but my people pleasing days were over. If they wanted to be in my life they would be. This is why I was hesitant to meet my mom for brunch today after she called me early this morning asking to talk.

At first, I didn’t want to because I felt we wouldn’t accomplish anything but her getting upset with me about something I said and me getting frustrated because she disregarded my feelings. Yet and still I got dressed and met her at Foxy Brown. When she offered to pick me up, I had my lips fixed to tell her no and that I’ll meet her until Quincey whispered in my ear to let her and he’d pick me up.

Fine.

Our drive was quiet. Not uncomfortable. We opted out for an outdoor table which I appreciated just in case I had to run for the hills if she started with her bullshit. Our food was ordered and we sat. Sat and stared.

“Say what’s on your mind, mother?” I wore my darkest shades for a reason. To roll my eyes however hard I liked.

Always dressed and postured in elegance, she touched her gray sistahlocs and pinched her lips. “What have I done to make you hate me so much, London? We were once close and now it’s like you can’t stand to be in the same room as me.” She started blinking, running her hands up and down her arms.

Refusing to let the emotional lump of a cry settle in my throat, I exhaled and sat back. “Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It doesn’t erase memories or take away feelings.” I blew out a breath trying to figure out which angle I wanted to go with this. “I started going to therapy when I was living in New York but stopped when I moved down here. My therapist at the time explained that my wild behavior came from trauma. Seeking validation and attention.” Her mouth opened and I stopped her right there. “Before you say that you gave me attention, yes you did but it wasn’t the attention I needed.”

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