Page 53 of Of Gods and Pain

She is art. And I’m her selfish aesthete; craving to keep her hidden from those who do not deserve to witness her ethereal beauty.

Fuck. I wasn’t lying the night I met her, when I told her she’s the most beautiful female I’ve ever seen.

She’s deific. Fierce. Strong. Soft. Inconceivable.

I can’t look away.

My soul burns to hold her; to meld her so deeply inside me that it would be impossible to let go.

I would do anything for her. I would let her destroy me, just to keep the light in her eyes. I would bow before her without question…she’s a queen. My queen.

“Hi,” she barely mouths the word, appearing nervous. I smile, reaching for her hand to place a light kiss on her fingers. Her breath hitches as she watches me.

“Hi, princess.” She licks her bottom lip, searching my eyes.

“I—um…well, I—” she hesitates, her brows furrowing as she looks to the ground.

I stand, moving to sit on the edge of my desk and gently pulling her between my legs, so our gazes are level with each other.

Tingles shoot through my hands at the contact; she feels too good. But I force myself to pause, prompting her to continue, and hoping she can trust that I won’t balk at anything she says to me.

She nods slightly before straightening her spine, meeting my eyes fully. “I wanted to apologize.” That is…not anything that I expected her to say. “I’ve been really horrible to you and Em these last few weeks and—”

“No.” I cut her off, her mouth still open as she clearly wasn’t prepared for that.

“What do you mean, no?” She hunches into herself slightly. Fuck, I hurt her.

“You have not one single thing to apologize for, Nell,” I stammer quickly, needing to fix the sadness wavering between us. “There is nothing for you to be sorry about, and nothing for me to forgive.”

“How can you say that?” She steps closer; so close that her breath caresses and cools my burning skin. “My actions have been inexcusable, and I did them to wound the both of you. How can you say there’s nothing to forgive?” Her voice cracks, barely a whisper.

I reach a hand to push a few strands of her soft, auburn hair behind her ear, holding her cheek; she leans into the touch, closing her eyes. She needs this connection as much as I do.

“Nell.” Her eyes slide open, grazing each feature of my face before meeting mine. I shake my head, smiling. “There is nothing you could do that you would ever need to apologize to me for.” She must see the truth in my eyes as she nods, then smirks slightly before pursing her lips.

“Not even make out with and finger some random female—purposefully—in front of you?”

I grin, a chuckle leaving me. “Not even that.” I swipe my thumb over her curved lips, memorizing the pillowy flesh. “Actually, I thought it was hot as fuck.” I know Em gets jealous, and doesn’t like anyone touching what’s his, but I don’t mind as much. I am glad I was there with him, because he was raging and needed me to hold him back so he didn’t break the neck of each fae who looked at her.

That’s why we’re so good together: we balance each other. I’m there to keep him from letting his emotions overtake rational decision making, and he’s there to help me get out of my head and stop trying to be the perfect prince all the time.

A small huff leaves her, and I take that as a win. It’s the closest to her mesmerizing laugh I’ve heard in a while. I’m addicted and suddenly focused on doing whatever I can to hear it again.

Before I can speak, however, she wraps her arms around my neck and leans into me. I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her intoxicating scent and humming softly at how right it feels to have her in my arms.

“You are everything.” I want to stay right here and hold her all day. I want to tell her every thought I’ve ever had about her and whisper about my disorienting love for her until she falls asleep in my arms. And even then, I would continue stroking her hair, telling her every positive memory I could think of, so that the nightmares couldn’t reach her mind. My sight blurs and I swallow, trying to keep my composure.

Gods, I fucking love her.

There is no other feeling like it. The bright colors that dance frantically when she’s near; the devastating longing that slices through my chest when she’s not. I could live off her scent alone.

The blinding anger and hatred I feel thinking about those who have hurt her? Sometimes, I think I’ll be the one needing Emrys to keep me from acting on my emotions. She unravels me. She makes me into someone I never thought I’d be: hers. Not a prince. Not my parent’s son. Not Em’s best friend.

Just hers.

And I fucking love it.

She pulls back, holding my head between her trembling hands, and places kisses around my face. She lingers on my forehead before looking me in the eye; I jerk at the tears trailing down her puffy cheeks, but keep myself from wiping them away because they don’t look like sad tears.

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