Page 23 of Of Gods and Pain

Each day without her gets more difficult, though. The thrumming in my chest ferments an unyielding chaos; one I can’t seem to ignore anymore. I have little knowledge of soul bonds—just what Nell has told us—but it’s interesting how our experiences differ.

She’s mentioned how empty she feels on multiple occasions. It’s the opposite for me…I’ve always felt so full. Like there’s too much happening under my flesh, and I have had no way to get it out. Not until her. I think that’s what the bonding ceremony does: balances us.

A splash thrusts me out of my deprecating mind. I turn my head to see Emrys kicking water into the air and tossing his fire at it, causing steam to fill the enclosed space. The humid air feels nice on my skin; like the warm caress I’ve been yearning for. Sweet petrichor fills my lungs, and something about it brings me back to the conversation with my mother.

Do you love her?

And Emrys?

She’s always seen more than I’m willing to share, knowing what I’m feeling even before I do. She’s as gifted with reading people as she is with painting. I want to ask her what she meant with her questions, but something tells me I’m not ready for her answer.

I mean, of course I love Em. He’s my best friend…he’s been the one by my side for decades. He’s my second, the captain of the Anlorian army. How could I not love him?

That’s not what she meant, though, is it?

I peer at his lounging form, taking in his brown hair that has somehow curled even more since we sat down. His bright eyes that light with joy each time he tosses his magic. The casual demeanor he keeps, even when I know he’s slowly deteriorating on the inside.

There is not one thing we haven’t done together…except be completely honest. I allow my memories to wander, thinking back to the time I knew for certain there was something more. Something I chose to forget.

“Do I please you, my prince?” I don’t remember her name, and I don’t care to. She’s just like every other female I’ve fucked: not enough. I’m so restless lately, and nothing fucking helps.

Mother says that’s just the life of a seventy-four-year-old male, but that makes little sense. There’s a whirring in my chest, beating at my sternum like it’s telling me to move. I am moving! All I do is work and exercise; I get so little sleep because it doesn’t leave me alone.

I’ve had the feeling most of my life, but a month ago it changed. It’s grown. It’s more. It feels like something is living inside me, constantly begging to be set free. I tried everything at first…I saw a healer, changed my training, cut out certain foods, altered my sleep schedule. I even went to a little witchy shop to see if any kind of tea would help.

It hasn’t.

I was so desperate that I prayed to the gods. As if those bastards even exist.

I roll my eyes, because of course they don’t; not a single one has been seen exiting GodsPass in centuries…and those claims are just old stories.

So what do I do now? I drink, and I fuck. The alcohol numbs me just enough that I can breathe for a while. Fucking relaxes my muscles, or so I tell myself.

I don’t enjoy it most of the time; I feel like there’s something wrong with me. What kind of male doesn’t enjoy the sight of a female sucking his cock? Me, apparently.

“I’m not a prince,” I mutter a little too harshly. She doesn’t seem to care as she slides me out of her mouth and smiles.

“You will be one day.” She takes me to the back of her throat, not breaking her stare, before pulling me out again. “And I would be honored to service my prince however he pleases.” I lean my head back, not wanting to listen to another pick-me story.

She continues her motions on my cock, and it’s okay. It’s not like she’s doing a poor job…I just don’t feel right.

The other female in the room makes a gurgling noise, and I smirk at Emrys as he chokes her until she taps his thighs. Fucking asshole. He’s sitting on the bed to my left, in this little room we rented to have some privacy with the females. He flashes his brows before wrapping her hair around his hand so tightly I’m worried he’ll rip it out. He forces himself to the back of her throat before using her head to fuck him ruthlessly.

He watches me the whole time, smiling when he sees me staring directly at his cock. It’s impressive, really, how much he’s making her take and she isn’t tapping out. Her mouth glides over the velvety skin, and I bite my lip as it shines with her saliva and his arousal. He groans, my gaze snapping to his just as his eyes roll back.

Heat builds low in my abdomen, my breathing heavy. Em opens his eyes, meeting mine immediately. I don’t look away. No, I stare in awe as his lips part, and pleasure alters his sharp features. We watch each other, both of us stuck in this moment that we’re unable to break.

It’s fucking intoxicating.

“Fuck,” he curses to himself before holding the females head still as he spills down her throat. The deep moan that leaves him causes my cock to jerk just as I suddenly find my release.

The female in front of me squeals before eagerly drinking everything I give her. My head falls back as intense pleasure electrifies every single nerve. My lungs evade me, and my vision darkens before everything slowly comes into focus.

Gods, I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard.

The female pops my cock out of her mouth, smiling up at me. “You could warn a girl before you spill down her throat!” She teases, running her hands up my thighs. I nearly cringe, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

“Yeah, sorry,” I murmur. I glance at Em, who’s watching me with a look I don’t think I can handle.

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