Page 79 of Damaged

Whose perfect little cock slut are you?

You want your Vater to fill that perfect, tight cum hole?

My perfect faggot boy.

With every phrase Ivan repeated in my ear, I retched. It was endless. By the time it stopped, I was on the ground, tears streaking down my face, eyes that felt like they had grit in them, snot coming in gobs out of my nose, and the sour stench of vomit all over me.

I wasn’t alone, though.

Dalton was wrapped around me. I was kneeling between his outstretched legs as he held me against his chest. One strong arm was bracing me to keep me from falling forward into the dirt, the other was cradling my head. When it was finally over, I sobbed against Dalton’s chest even as I continued to stare at my own sick.

“Here, sweetheart, take a sip of this and spit it out.”

I didn’t even ask what it was that Dalton was giving me. It turned out to be water. I did as he said and then took a few sips and swallowed them. I could hear soft sobs coming from behind us, but I didn’t care.

“Dalton, I want to go to the boat now,” I croaked, my throat feeling like I’d swallowed a handful of glass.

“Okay,” Dalton immediately responded. I was so grateful he wasn’t trying to convince me to stay where we were. He helped me to my feet and put his arm around my waist so he could support me as we walked. Every part of my body felt heavy and by the time we reached the dock, my knees gave out and Dalton picked me up so he could carry me the rest of the way to the boat.

I was aware of most of what happened next, but I didn’t really participate in any of it. Dalton sat me down on the bed and quickly removed my clothing. There was no fisherman’s shower this time, but he remained on the outside of the tiny shower on the boat and used a handheld sprayer to clean me up. He put a pair of soft sweatpants and a T-shirt on me and then I was in our little bed with Dalton pressed against my back. I could tell he too was wearing sweats and a shirt. He pulled the covers over us and then spooned me from behind. I fell asleep within seconds of him curling himself around me.

When I woke up, I could see through one of the portholes that it was dark out. I no longer had my back to Dalton but was instead facing him. We weren’t touching, though. I had my hands tucked up beneath my head. His position mirrored mine. It reminded me of when we’d been asleep in his hospital bed. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Dalton’s eyes were open and fixated on me, but he didn’t say anything. I could see the guilt and self-doubt written into every line on his face. Water rocked the boat gently like it always did, but every few seconds I could hear the scrape of the buoys against wood.

Which meant we were likely still docked in the same place, since I doubted Dalton would have moved the boat to a strange marina somewhere. We usually dropped anchor in coves or quiet inlets when it was dark. We’d only gone ashore when we’d needed to wash some clothes and stock up on supplies.

Those days felt like a lifetime ago.

“How do you feel?” I asked Dalton. He hadn’t attended any AA meetings since we’d left his house, but he had remained in touch with his sponsor on a daily basis. I’d let him have his privacy for those calls, but I’d done enough research on the internet to know that stress often triggered cravings for alcohol and drugs.

And I’d given him plenty of things to be stressed about.

Dalton smiled and reached out to stroke my cheek. “Lucky,” he said. “So fucking lucky.”

“Lucky?”

“Lucky that for whatever reason, you picked me. That day when I took you to the bus station and you were getting out of the car, I asked you not to go and you didn’t. When you found all those empty bottles of alcohol in the trash and the half-full ones hidden around the house and boat, you still chose to stay. When I needed you in that hospital, you were there, and you let me hang on to you.” Dalton paused briefly but continued to stroke my cheek. “You’re still here,” he whispered.

“I was so afraid you were going to let me get out of the car that day,” I responded. “I didn’t want anyone to touch me after the way you had. Your voice was the only one I heard in my head when I was back in that place. I was so lost when you went to the hospital. I felt like a prisoner again because you weren’t there. Ronan was the only one who was straight with me. He didn’t pity me or tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. He told me to find something to hang on to while I was lost, and it would eventually help me find my way out of the darkness.”

“Mine was the first time you held my hand,” Dalton said with a smile. “It was in the car after I’d picked you up and you could tell I was in pain, and you touched my fingers which were curled around the steering wheel. Then you held my hand, and I knew everything was going to be okay.”

I could feel my mouth tugging into a grin. “It only took me a little longer,” I said. “Mine was when you kissed me after I took my clothes off—well, your clothes—in that parking lot. My mind kept trying to convince itself that it had all been a ruse to get me in the car so you could set me up, but deep down, I knew it was real. You could tell it was my first kiss but instead of rushing me through it, you gave that to me. A real first kiss.”

Dalton leaned forward and brushed his mouth over mine. I returned the kiss. It was sweet and short but there was so much behind it.

We lay there for a while, neither of us eager to move. The darkness outside was slowly fading away as the sun began to come up.

It was a new day.

A new day in which I’d have to make some hard choices.

“Aggie,” I said. “It sounds like Maggie. Do you think somewhere in my mind I made that connection and that was why I helped her?”

“Only you can answer that for sure but no, I don’t think that’s why you helped her. I think you would have helped every one of those women if you could have. I think everything Ivan and the people who took you from your parents did was done with the intention of making you forget your life before you were abducted. You locked those memories away until your mind knew it was safe to tap into them. I don’t think what you did for Maggie felt safe in any kind of way.”

“It didn’t,” I agreed. “It was Willa. The second I held her in my arms, I knew I had to keep her safe. I was the first one to hold her, you know. The lady who always got the girls ready was supposed to deliver Willa, but she wasn’t there, so I did it. I had no idea what I was doing but by then I’d had access to the internet, so I’d looked things up.” I chuckled. “Nothing on the internet prepares you for the real thing, though. One second she was still in her mom, the next she was in my arms. I knew not to cut the cord, so I wrapped her in a clean towel and handed her to Maggie. We were both crying. In those few minutes, we forgot where we were, you know?”

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