Page 80 of Damaged

“You were both so brave, Silver. You and Maggie. Choosing that baby’s life over both of yours?—”

“You would have done it too,” I insisted and then I was scooting closer to Dalton. He got the message and cuddled me against his chest.

Our conversation dropped off after that. I watched the sun rise through the porthole, but it wasn’t until the sunlight no longer filtered through the glass that I allowed the events from the day before to set in.

“Dalton, do you know if… if my mom and dad are still alive?” I asked.

“They are, sweetheart. I saw them up at the house. Not up close or anything, but I saw how they reacted when one of the guys who was with us ran up to the house to tell your dad. All of the people at the picnic went into the house except for him. He told your mom when she came out. It was all he could do to keep her from running down to where we were standing.”

I began to cry as relief overwhelmed me. I hadn’t even realized how important his answer had been to me. I’d tried to prepare myself for them both being gone and not caring, but the moment I’d asked the question, my throat had closed up.

Dalton held me through my tears and kept whispering soft things into my ear. Things like how everything was going to be okay and that he loved me.

I couldn’t say how much time passed, but Dalton’s next question wiped away every bit of calm that he’d managed to give me from the moment I’d opened my eyes.

“It was when Aggie said the word perfect, wasn’t it?”

Chapter 27

DALTON

I wasn’t surprised when Silver didn’t answer me at first. His reaction to Aggie’s unintended statement had been unbearable to watch. Silver’s sister had unknowingly tapped into memories he’d been trying to forget. Memories he’d never told me. Sadly, I knew his wounds ran much deeper and if today’s response was anything to go by, Silver would need a lot of help to cope with what had happened to him.

Help I wouldn’t be able to give. I could listen to him for hours and hours as he talked about all the cruelty he’d endured, but I wouldn’t be able to say the right thing to help him deal with all the things Ivan had done to him.

Only a professional could do that.

I’d reluctantly figured that out for myself as I’d dealt with my need for alcohol in the past few weeks. The cravings clawed at me every day but when they became too intense, I talked to my sponsor about it because he had been through it, and he knew what tools I could use to deal with said cravings. I’d already accepted that I’d be fighting this battle for the rest of my life, but I’d seen enough people at AA whose problems ran much deeper than my own and were finding new lives in sobriety.

As for my back, the nerve block had turned out to be a miracle of sorts. It was just as Ronan had said. The lingering discomfort could be managed with over-the-counter medication. I’d been released from my prison of pain, and I’d lived every moment knowing it wasn’t a forever thing. Silver and I hadn’t talked about the future, which I was glad for because I wasn’t ready.

“We’re a pair, aren’t we?” I murmured. “With as many ghosts and demons as we have, we should be charging admission to watch our lives.”

The lighthearted statement put a smile back on Silver’s face. He even let out a little chuckle.

Another tiny victory.

We fell silent again, content to just touch each other in reassuring ways.

“He used that word a lot, but never in a good way,” Silver said. I could feel him trembling beneath my touch. “It was early on, and I didn’t understand German or Russian so I had no clue what he was saying, but as I got older, I figured it out. I had to look up the names he’d been calling me on the internet. I… I don’t want to repeat them,” Silver said with a shake of his head.

“You don’t have to, sweetheart. But there are probably going to be other things that trigger that kind of response when you’re least expecting it. You’re allowed to have that response, Silver. It doesn’t matter where you are, who you’re with; you need to purge it or it will control you for the rest of your life.”

Silver closed his eyes. “My parents… they can’t… they can’t know.”

The mere fact that he was talking about his mother and father like he was gave me hope. Even if he didn’t realize it, his psyche already knew he’d be reunited with them.

“That’s your right, Silver. I obviously don’t know much about how parents who really love you behave, but talking to your sister, even if it was only for a few minutes, makes me think that your parents won’t let anything you say change their feelings for you. Can I tell you some of the things I found on the internet? It might help you make your decision about meeting them or not.”

Another achingly long bout of silence and then Silver was nodding.

“It was just a few months after your eighth birthday. Your parents were celebrating their wedding anniversary, but they didn’t want it to be just the two of them. They wanted their entire family with them. It was basically the vacation of a lifetime. You guys went to London, Paris, Venice… pretty much all over Europe. Your last stop before you were supposed to fly home was Berlin. There were a lot of kids with you guys… mostly cousins. Your parents, along with the parents of all those cousins, decided to hire a nanny in London and take her with you guys on the trip. They interviewed a dozen nannies before they settled on Vanessa. She worked for a temp agency and came highly recommended. All of her references and work history checked out. Your parents even did a background check on her to make sure there wasn’t any kind of criminal record in Europe or the States.”

I paused to give Silver some time to process my words before I asked, “Do you remember any of that?”

Silver nodded. “We rode a lot of trains and walked around a lot. When we kids started to get bored, one of the parents and Vanessa would take us to an amusement park or do something else fun.”

“That’s right,” I said. “Until the last night. The adults decided to go to dinner to celebrate the trip. They left you in the house they’d rented for the time you were in Berlin. It was the first time that Vanessa babysat all the kids by herself. Since it was late in the evening, you were all asleep, so your parents believed Vanessa could handle everything alone for a few hours. When they returned home, Vanessa was gone. So were you.”

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