Page 28 of Mister Mom

“Going to get toys to impress the kid?” Leo asks.

“Conference call tomorrow at ten with the investor.” Jagger wipes his face and disposes of his napkin on his plate, letting his tie fall back down in front of him. He’s the only guy I know who changes into his designer suit as soon as he’s done surfing so he can head into the office.

“I have the kid tomorrow.”

He shrugs. “Give him your phone and he’ll be quiet. I’ve seen my clients do it a million times.”

I nod, turning around to leave the restaurant.

For some reason, Payne doesn’t seem like a kid who can be distracted by a phone, but I pray that Jagger’s right.

* * *

The next day at seven in the morning I knock on Layla’s front door so that I can start my first shift as The Manny. I would’ve thought I’d be more nervous than I am, but I figure he’s just a kid. How hard can watching a kid who can talk, walk and feed himself be, really?

The door swings open and Layla stands there, her hair askew, still in what looks to be her pajamas with some type of crusted food implanted right between her tits. Her eyes are wide and she’s panting hard as if she just finished running the New York marathon.

“Vance. Hi. Come in.” She waves me in, clearly in a hurry.

Shit. Did the paps follow me?

I step inside and close the door behind me since she’s already walking away.

“I have a huge favor to ask you and I wouldn’t ask unless I was desperate. Which I am,” she says.

“The last time you asked me for a favor I became a full time caregiver for your son. What is it this time?” I’m only half-kidding but I keep my voice light.

“I slept past my alarm and for once in my life the kids didn’t actually wake me up. I’m going to be late for my call time if I don’t leave in the next three minutes. Is there any chance that you could get Via dressed and drop her off at daycare? I just finished feeding her breakfast.”

She doesn’t wait for me to answer before she’s halfway through the archway.

I don’t know shit about babies and though I’d normally tell her not a chance in hell, how can I say no. She’s clearly in a jam and it’s easy to garner a bad reputation in this town when you’re late and cost the production team time and money.

Stamp sucker on my forehead. “Sure. Just text me the address for the daycare,” I say.

The relief and gratitude etched on Layla’s face confirms I made the right decision and I’m happy that I’m able to help her out. “You’re a life saver.” She reaches forward and squeezes both of my hands. “I already laid Via’s clothes for the day out. You just have to take that bag by the door.” She points to the area behind me, “and the car seats are in the garage. You can google the instructions for installing them if you run into a problem, but you’re a smart guy, so I doubt you will.” She winks. As though she doesn’t already have me by the balls and needs to compliment me.

I nod, trying to commit all the instructions to memory. My morning routine usually involves me showering, dressing and grabbing a coffee. “Fair enough. You go get ready and I’ll handle things down here.

She gives me a big smile then spins on her heel and races toward the stairs.

I spend the next few minutes playing with Payne while Via blabbers contentedly in her high chair and plays with the small container Layla must have had her breakfast in. Less than five minutes later Layla races down the stairs, says a quick goodbye to the kids, and then tosses a ‘call me if you need me’ out behind her.

I clap my hands together. “Okay guys, what do you say we head upstairs to get you both dressed?”

Payne screams and runs up the stairs while I figure out how to get Via out of her high chair. A minute later and I’m smiling to myself at the small victory as we walk across the kitchen. That’s when it hits me—a scent so putrid it should be used as a form of warfare.

“Oh God.” I plug my nose. “What did you eat?”

As soon as the words leave my mouth it dawns on me that there’s only one person in this house who can change her diaper—me. From the smell of this little girl, it’s going to be one for the record books.

I find Payne upstairs standing in the hallway waiting for me.

“Can you show me which one is your sister’s room?” I ask him.

“Ya.” He skips through a door on his right and I follow him into a room with lavender painted walls, white furniture and a pale grey rocking chair. “Eww, Via!” He stops, plugs his nose. Tell me about it kid. “You have to change her diaper.” He runs over, grabs a diaper and throws it at me.

“Yeah, I get it.” I lie Via down on the floor.

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