Page 63 of I Stop Somewhere Waiting For You

Dropping into the seat, I barely have time to close the door before Daphne is reversing down the driveway. As the house in front of us gets smaller with the increasing distance, the hole in my chest grows by the second, until it hurts so bad I fear it may kill me.

“You should have told him, J,” Daphne hisses as we turn onto road.

“So he can pick me by default?” My voice cracks as I fight to hold my shit together. “No, thanks. I’m no one’s second choice.”

CHAPTER 30

JONSIE

I lay in bed staring out my window, watching the sun come up. It’s become one of my few daily rituals at this point, considering I don’t leave my room often these days. I managed to convince Nicky to reinstate my virtual status at school and, with my last tie to the outside world severed, these four walls have become my sanctuary.

Or prison, I guess, depending on how you look at it.

Nicky’s definitely worried. Normally, he’d be in Cali by now prepping for the upcoming motocross series, but he’s still here. He hangs around the house a lot these days just keeping watch, almost as though he’s fearful of what I’ll do.

Am I gonna take a swan dive off the roof? No. That feeling subsided after day three. However, we’re now on day eleven and the pain is not getting any more bearable.

I’m drowning in an endless sea of depression. Daphne, though back at her place, visits on an almost daily basis to check in on me. Most days her goal is simply forcing me to eat and shower, though she hasn’t been very successful with either.

I know I need to eat, but the thought of forcing anything into my stomach has me so nauseous I’m convinced I won’t be able to keep it down.

Today won’t be any better. Today, if anything, is going to be the hardest of them yet.

Today is Maverick’s birthday.

The stress is eating me alive, knowing that his gift is still going to be delivered to the apartment today. I ordered it before things went crazy, back when I assumed we’d be home together in Queen City again by now.

Jesus, things have gone so fucking sideways in such a short time.

I push up, my body screaming at me to go pee while a deep pain radiates from the right side of my lower abdomen.

Damn, pregnancy symptoms really are no joke. I’m thankful to be over the morning sickness—recent nausea seems to be more stress-induced—but it’s as though one symptom disappears and two more pop up.

Making my way into my bathroom, I quickly pee before spinning to flush. My eyes catch on the liquid in the bowl, and I’m concerned at how dark it is.

Shit, I think to myself. When was the last time I drank water?

I blow out a deep exhale as I flush, offering up empty promises to myself that I will do better today.

I go through the everyday motions. Brush my teeth, comb my hair, wash my face. However, most days upon completion of those tasks I simply crawl back into bed.

Another deep hunger pain radiates from within me, and I resign myself to the fact that no matter how shitty I’m feeling, I need to eat something today. I’m almost twelve weeks now and I’m going to need to do a better job of keeping up my strength as I enter the second trimester. That includes remembering to take my prenatal vitamins as well.

My mind starts to descend into panic when I begin thinking about things like telling Nicky I’m pregnant or being a single mom. I glance into the mirror, taking in the sight of my disheveled appearance. My hair’s pulled up high into a top knot, greasy from a lack of shower. The lenses of my red-framed glasses are smudged from the past three nights when I’ve fallen asleep with them on my face. And God help me, I have no idea how long I’ve been in these clothes.

Burying my head in my hands, I inhale a deep breath, desperate to keep the tears at bay today. Let’s take this one step at a time. Let’s go downstairs and get breakfast.

I descend the stairs, rounding the banister and entering the kitchen where I find Nicky already awake making eggs. The refrigerator makes the sound of a seal breaking when I open its sub-zero door, snapping him to attention. He glances back at me just as I look over my shoulder at him. A wide smile plays on his lips at the sight of me outside the confines of my bedroom.

“Hey! There she is!” He forces his voice to assume an upbeat tone.

I turn back to the fridge, scanning aimlessly for anything that remotely catches my eye, but coming up empty.

“You want some eggs?” Nicky calls out from behind me.

Hit with another hunger cramp, a pretty intense one this time, I relent. “Yeah, why not.” Shutting the fridge, I turn and hop up on the island while I watch him work.

“It’s good to see you up and about, Baby J.” Nicky cracks a couple eggs into the frying pan before spinning to drop some bread in the toaster on the opposite counter. Returning to the stove, he prods at the eggs lightly with a spatula before turning his attention back on me. “How you feeling?”

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