Page 44 of Stargazer

“I assumed with him here that had changed.”

“No,” I repeated, shaking my head gently.

His warm hand cupped my cheek. “Well, as long as I’m still in the running, I won’t give up on you, Vee. Okay?”

I nodded.

“Good,” he breathed, smiling as he let go of my face and looked back towards the sunlight breaking through the trees.

“What else do you want to know? About the packs, the rogues … anything,” he asked, sticking to that promise of openness. The one that would influence our possible future together.

I bit my lip, pondering. There were so many questions. Where was I meant to start?

Wanting to begin things light, I asked, “So where is Amelia staying now?”

“She’s in Margaretville,” he said without hesitation, his tone already sounding lighter. “Her little pack seems to operate around there. She has her own small apartment now, as do the other wolves turned around the same time as her. They’re spread around that town and surrounding ones. Most shifter packs prefer smaller municipalities. But the rogues seem like they thrive off being right under everyone’s noses while hiding in plain sight so they can spread their talons wider. Then they meet up in inconspicuous places where they’re less likely to be found by other packs.” He scrunched his face at that. “Throughout the whole of the Appalachian Mountains, there’s areas of land that the packs have left alone. We have treaties in place that those areas don’t specifically belong to anyone and most of us are fine to leave them be; No Man’s Land. Rogues have always roamed those areas alone, but it seems now those are becoming hubs for these groups because technically they have every right to use them, just as we would have any right to use them as long as we aren’t trying to claim them. Quite an extensive part of that forest near Margaretville is unclaimed and that area reaches right up to my border. Mostly, in the past, they’ve be used for travel between packs.”

“There’s so much about the packs that I never knew.”

“I know. And I’m sorry about that.”

I could see the truth to his statement as clear as day across that beautiful face.

“It’s okay,” I replied just as honestly. We would keep that in the past. “Thank you for looking after her.” I squeezed his hand and he smiled at me, dipping his chin in acknowledgement.

That smile threatened to send me right back into his arms, where I had always been safe and cared for. Where he would look after me and keep me sheltered from the storm.

Tightness in my chest reminded me of the burning questions I still needed to ask. The thoughts that plagued me since I found out he was not the culprit I claimed he was. Ones I had not yet voiced due to fear of altering our dynamic forever.

I hadn’t asked many of those questions the night I came back. While they were important, they wouldn’t have changed my need to apologise, or the forgiveness required on our both our parts. It was okay. Whatever his answers would be, it was okay. But I still needed to hear them.

Hesitantly, I forced out the words out, initiating the deeper conversations that needed to be had.

“There’s something else I need to ask. To get off my chest.”

He gave me one of those looks that had been the cause of my opening up to him since he was a boy.

“Anything.”

“Why didn’t you try to find me? To come after me?” I dared to whisper. If he had known, known he was innocent, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t try to plead his case. To prove me wrong and defend his character. Why did he let me go so willingly?

“I didn’t know where to start. I tried your phone, but it was here. Your socials were untouched, and trust me, I watched for any updates to no avail. The pack saw Celeste once in town and they were going to go talk to her, see what she knew, but she fled. I didn’t blame her, based on what I assumed you’d told her. If I knew that’s what they were planning to do, I wouldn’t have let them bother her.” He sighed, leaning his head back against the tree as he peered upwards, staring at the leaves and branches but not actually looking as he re-lived those days and memories that clearly brought nothing but pain, regret and sadness.

He continued, “I didn’t want to go to your house. It felt wrong, like I wasn’t respecting your decision. And I knew I didn’t kill her, but I still blame myself that it happened under my watch—in my pack. I should have been able to stop it. And I did lie to you. So, I didn’t blame you for hating me and wanting to be as far away as possible.”

Most of what he was saying, I had heard from Sky. And I knew deep down. Heard it between all the words he’d previously said. But I still needed to hear these specific words come from the source. And I think a part of him needed to let them out. To voice that guilt so it could no longer clutch at his heart—that huge, forgiving, ever-worrying heart.

So I let him speak them out into the world.

For both of us.

“I didn’t know where you were though. I assumed you would be in LA with Xari. That’s what everyone was saying, from the few people I bothered to ask or the whispers I heard through the grapevine. I assumed it came from your mum, and well, if you were with Xari, if you were safe and you were happier without me, then I had no right to track you down and beg you to come back. That’s what I thought, anyway. So I didn’t bother to fight for you. I listened out, gathered what I could from people in town and tried to make sure you were safe. But I didn’t fight for you like he did. And I regret it. I’ve regretted it every day but I’m trying to live with that choice. Trying to be better. To right my wrongs and do things differently. For you.”

Well fuck.

What was I meant to say to that? What could I say to make him hurt less?

“I did hate you,” I finally admitted after moments of silence. Not really the most comforting words, but I wanted to explain. “It was easier that way. To make you a monster in my head. Because without hating you, I couldn’t move on. I couldn’t let go. Hating you fuelled me and my mission. And as awful as this sounds, it made me into a stronger person—both physically and mentally.”

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