Page 96 of Floored

She nudged my feet. "You need a dress. Your shower is next week."

"I know." I let my head fall back against the chair. "I don't know why I'm hesitating."

"Don't you?"

"What's that tone?" I asked, without lifting my head. "You're shrinking me. You know how I feel about that."

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I'm not a shrink, but a little bit, yes."

Claire, with her infinite patience and ability to see through me like I was made of Saran Wrap, waited quietly. Truly, it was her superpower.

"The season ended today," I said. "Jude's."

She hummed.

"We've been texting a little more during the week. All friendly stuff, nothing too deep, you know. After that FaceTime last month, it was ..." I stopped, shaking my head. There were a host of things I could've said.

It was hard because seeing his face turned my heart inside out.

It was impossible because even if he'd changed some, we still had the same issues.

It broke my heart because of how much he tempted me when he looked at me like I was his entire world.

"It was difficult to move past," was what I settled on. "It was the first time we even tiptoed past our friendly truce since I came back."

"That makes sense," Claire said, smoothing a hand over the top of my foot. "How does that tie into the apartment?"

I swallowed. This part was hard for me to admit out loud. The big unanswered question that would only be answered when he and I were face-to-face again.

"What if ... what if he comes here, and I'm making all these strides to move forward, and he's moved forward too, but ... but I'm still in love with him?"

"Would that be a bad thing?"

My eyes burned with unshed tears. "Not if he loves me back, no. But what if he doesn't? You know? What if all this distance I asked for, that I insisted on, is the one thing that ends up pushing him away? And at the end of this, he's like ... fixed and happy and healthy, and I'm just"—I sniffed, trying not to choke on the words as they came up my throat—"alone."

When I could finally meet Claire's gaze, her eyes were bright with tears too. "You'll never be alone, Lee. But I also know that's not the kind of loneliness you're talking about."

"No." I wiped at my face. "I left and I don't recognize anything about my world now. So much of it is good, you know? Molly is practically engaged, and you and Bauer are stupid happy, frickin’ Finn is working ninety hours a week in his residency and he still manages to find a perfect girl, and I think, I think I still thought Jude and I would come to the end of this, and it would work out. That this distance would help us get closer."

"It still might," she said gently.

"But what if we don't end up together?"

She reached forward and grabbed my hand. "Then he's not the one for you."

"I'm nervous to see him."

"That's okay too." She smiled. "When will he get here?"

"He said he'd try to get a flight out in the next week so he can make it for the shower. Logan is hooking him up with one of the apartments they lease for players when they need a place to stay, said they may have him run some sort of clinic for the players or something so he could get it cleared."

She stood from the ottoman. "Well, if he's going to be here for that shower, then the blue dress won't cut it."

"Thank you."

"But we also don't want wallpaper dress."

I rolled my eyes as she started digging through the pile that I'd brought into the room.

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